Hey buddy. I feel your pain, I myself have struggled with addiction for 19 years. I wouldn't call it a struggle anymore though, but I'll always be an addict. Let's get to you. I'm going to give you some advice, and then I'm going to contradict that advice , kind of. The forum is great for sharing and for a sense of belonging. That being said don't expect appropriate or good advice about this topic here. Now I'm going to give you a little advice, seek professional help. The guys on this forum are not professionals and if they are this is not a professional setting. Another piece of advice, put alcoholism on the back burner. You suffer from.a mental illness, let that be your focus. Are you taking your medication? Are you managing your lifestyle ? Including sleep, stress, exercise, nutrition? I can tell you aren't because you shouldn't be drinking, period. My advice is focus on your mental health. Seek professional help for the management of your mental illness and to promote your mental well being. You may be an addict but addiction is a symptom of poor mental well being. Sent from my SM-G900W8 using Tapatalk