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A female TV reporter arranged for an interview with a farmer, seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease. The Lady: "Good evening, sir. I am here to collect information on the possible source of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?" The Farmer stared at the reporter and said: "Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?" The lady reporter (obviously embarrassed):" Well, sir, that's a new piece of information, but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?" The Farmer: "And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day?" The reporter: "Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?" The Farmer: "I am getting to the point, madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you get mad?"

@Ryy You are spending way way way way way too much time surfing the weirdest sites on the web I couldn't really relate to this as I have no hair

@Nanug...informative story BTW... What does "DW" stand for? And what the heck is a "TRL"

Picture says a thousand words....

I like questions from new members. It is part of why we are here as a group and we all learn a little bit more through the Q&A process.

Mrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair. The first morning, the girl pulls off the hair and says, "I wear a wig, because I was born totally hairless. Not a hair on my body, not even down there." That night, Mrs. Schmidlap tells her husband. He says, "I've never seen anything like that. Please tomorrow, ask her to go into the bedroom and show you. I want to hide in the closet so I can have a look." The next day, Mrs. Schmidlap asks the girl, the two of them go into the bedroom, and the girl strips and shows her. Then the girl says, "I've never seen one with hair on it. Can I see yours?" So Mrs. Schmidlap pulls off her clothes and shows her. That night, Mrs. Schmidlap says to her husband, "I hope you're satisfied, because I was pretty embarrassed when that girl asked to see mine." Her husband says, "You think you were embarrassed...I had the four guys I play poker with in the closet with me."

@TT I love nurses...especially the ones who use their minds and are not caught up in physical stuff like your last post. Did you see the clip board on her....Wow!

I wasn't sure whether to post this in Off Topic or here. Latest scam, and, this one is real. Be careful. I was a victim of this scam which is happening in shopping malls and parking lots all over the U.S. Two good looking young women come to your car as you are parking. One starts wiping your windshield with a rag and the other comes to your window and bends over so far her boobs just about fall out of her blouse. While you're distracted, the other one lets herself into the back seat. Then both are begging you for a ride home. Be very wary, because as soon as you start driving, one of them will take off her shirt and rub her boobs on you while the other climbs over the seat and unzips your pants. This is when they steal your wallet. I was robbed last Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. I couldn't find them on Saturday.

The perfect Wal-Mart Greeter A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you've got there. Are they twins?" The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no, they ain't! The oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7. Why the Hell would you think they're twins? Do you really think they look alike?" "No", replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice!"

40% Dixie And I have lived in Texas, North Carolina, Tennessee and Virginia. Must be the water

Nothing wrong with a newbie asking a question. As good natured members who were once there ourselves, we should be tolerant of these small missteps. Ken did exactly the right thing. Answered the question but clearly pointed out that this is not the appropriate place to ask these questions. fkhill gave an appropriate response and all is well and good in the land of Oz

You can tell you are in california if... 1. Your coworker has 8 body piercing and none are visible. 2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house. 3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English. 4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower. 5. You can't remember . . is pot illegal? 6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor. 7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian. 8. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal? 9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears. 10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S. 11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney. 12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment. 13. You can't remember . . .is pot illegal? 14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH." 15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers. 16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents. 17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal???? 18. Both you AND your dog have therapists. 19. The Terminator is your governor. 20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here illegally, they want to give you one.

Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to write a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks," What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" The woman replies, "It's Keith, the dwarf."

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers, "Yes." Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?" Pharmacist: "Of course we do." Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?" Pharmacist: "All kinds." Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism and scoliosis?" Pharmacist: "Definitely." Jacob: "How about Viagra?" Pharmacist: "Of course." Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?" Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works." Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?" Pharmacist: "Absolutely." Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?" Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes." Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."

I just had a break-up with my girl friend who I had been living with for three years ..... She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit. Then I caught her spending $65.00 on make-up. And I asked how come I had to give up stuff and not her. She said she needed the make-up to look pretty for me. I told her that was what the beer was for. I don't think she's coming back.

A man owned a small ranch in Montana. The Montana Wage & Hour Dept. > claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out > to interview him. > > "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded > the agent. > > "Well," replied the rancher, "there's my ranch hand who's been with me > > for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. > > The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 per week plus > > free room and board. > > Then there's the half-wit who works here about 18 hours every day and > > does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes $10 per week, and > I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night." > > "That's the guy I want to talk to -- the half-wit," says the agent. > > "That would be me," replied the rancher.

I just peeked in to see what was happening in the BIN and immediately fell in love

Hi M20, Welcome to RWG. Hope you enjoy your time with us. Happy Hunting

Dave, Very nice watch. I thought you were still partial to rose gold. Reminded me of Neo who I miss now and then Good to see you posting. Cheers Jeff

The Top Ten Things Men Know "FOR SURE" About Women 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. They have boobs.

Welcome aboard the RWG soul train Happy Hunting

CCX

Anyone here remember the famous Carlin piece on the seven words....a real classic: Here it is for your reading enjoyment: "I love words. I thank you for hearing my words. I want to tell you something about words that I uh, I think is important. I love…as I say, they're my work, they're my play, they're my passion. Words are all we have really. “We have thoughts, but thoughts are fluid. Then we assign a word to a thought and we're stuck with that word for that thought. So be careful with words. I like to think, the same words that hurt can heal. It's a matter of how you pick them. “There are some people that aren't into all the words. There are some people who would have you not use certain words. There are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are seven of them that you can't say on television. What a ratio that is: 399,993 to seven. They must really be bad. They'd have to be outrageous, to be separated from a group that large. Bad words. There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad Intentions. “And words, you know the seven don't you? Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits, huh? Those are the heavy seven. Those are the ones that will infect your soul, curve your spine and keep the country from winning the war. “Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits, wow. Tits doesn't even belong on the list, you know. It's such a friendly sounding word. It sounds like a nickname. 'Hey, Tits, come here. Tits, meet Toots, Toots, Tits, Tits, Toots.' It sounds like a snack doesn't it? Yes, I know, it is, right. But I don't mean the sexist snack, I mean, New Nabisco Tits. The new Cheese Tits, and Corn Tits and Pizza Tits, Sesame Tits, Onion Tits, Tater Tits, Yeah. Betcha can't eat just one. That's true I usually switch off. But I mean that word does not belong on the list. “Actually, none of the words belong on the list, but you can understand why some of them are there. I am not completely insensitive to people's feelings. You know, I can dig why some of those words got on the list...like cocksucker and motherfucker. Those are...those are heavy-weight words. There's a lot going on there, man. Besides the literal translation and the emotional feeling. They're just busy words. There's a lot of syllables to contend with. And those K's. Those are aggressive sounds, they jump out at you. CocksuckerMotherfuckerCocksucker. It's like an assault, on you. So I can dig that. “Shit. I did a whole thing on that. It’s a good all-purpose word that got a bad rap. Two other 4-letter Anglo-Saxon words are Piss and Cunt, which go together of course. But forget about that. A little accidental humor there. Piss and Cunt. The reason Piss and Cunt are on the list is that a long time ago certain ladies said 'Those are the two I am not going to say. I don't mind Fuck and Shit, but P and C are out. P and C are out.' Which led to such stupid sentences as 'OK, you fuckers, I am going to tinkle now.' “And of course the word Fuck. The word Fuck, I don't really...well, this is some more accidental humor, but I don't really want to get into that now. Because I think it takes too long. But I do mean that. I mean, I think the word fuck is an important word. It's the beginning of life, and, yet it's a word we use to hurt one other, quite often. And uh, people much wiser than I have said, I'd rather have my son watch a film with two people making love than two people trying to kill one other. And I of course agree. I wish I know who said it first … I agree with that. But I would like to take it a step further. I would like to substitute the word fuck, for the word kill in all those movie cliches we grew up with. 'Okay Sheriff, we're gonna fuck ya now. But we're gonna fuck ya slow.' So maybe next year I'll have a whole fuckin' rap on that word. I hope so. “There are two-way words, but those are the seven you can never say on television. Under any circumstances you just cannot say them ever, ever ever, not even clinically. You cannot weave them in the panel with Doc and Ed and Johnny, I mean it's just impossible, forget those seven, they're out. “But, there are some two-way words. There are double-meaning words. Remember the ones your giggled at in sixth grade? 'And the cock crowed three times. ''Hey, the cock crowed three times. It's in the bible.' Like it's okay for Curt Gowdy to say 'Roberto Clemente has two balls on him;' but he can't say, 'I think he hurt his balls on that play Tony, don't you? He's holding them. He must have hurt them by God.' And the other two-way word that goes with that one is prick. It's okay if it happens to your finger. Yes, you can prick your finger, but don't finger your prick. No, no, no."