Johnkaz

That would liven things up in the crematoriun.

Dear Reverend, As I walked down the busy footpath, knowing I was late for an important meeting, when my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate people who are found in every city these days. Wearing what can only be describes as rags, carrying every worldly possession in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this person's condition. Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them. Recalling a long ago Sunday school admonition to 'care for the sick, feed the hungry, and clothe the naked'-- I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person. Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a hidden beauty. A small voice inside my head called out, 'Reach out, reach out and touch this person'! V V V V V So I did. Just to let you know I won't be attending church for a while.

Their eyes say it all, most look like convicted murderers. Self harming is cool.

Is that a 12v car battery?

Wacky!!

Midnight Express.

Yesterday. Congratulations guys this thread has overtaken the shortest thread ever!!

I found this and guess it really does belong in humour.NICE!! http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/World-News/Russia-Police-Have-Arrested-Three-Homeless-Men-Suspected-Of-Killing-And-Eating-A-25-Year-Old-Male/Article/200911315453983?f=rss The link did mot work so I have edited it's ok now

Excellent, I love the camels expression.

Do they say, "why does vomit always contain pumpkin seeds" ?

Bogeyman.

North.

An update still biking and thoroughly enjoying it. I have put the [censored]blies back on the MTB which I have taken out to a local forest last week 31/2 hours up and down and 3 crashes trying to keep up with my super fit 21 year old son, some blood and sweat excellent. I invested in a new Hybrid road bike (Ridgeback Flight British made) much faster feels great, the milage has increased 10 to 20 on most trips and the weight is moving the right way for once.

Looks like quite a nice place to live, with the benefit of going fishing without leaving you favourite armchair. The old bridge will make a nice patio. Call us old fashioned over here in Britland but we tend to leave the house and move to a different one, less traumatic.

Meek.

Steve.

Swine Flu.

I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me. Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

I do not understand how somebody that is from light to dark brown is called black, and somebody is pink is called white. Just imagine what a white person would look like, when the whites have two weeks in the sun to try and get some colour, and go brown we are still white? People refer to eastern Asians as yellow. Only the Simpsons and inhabitants of Springfield are yellow. My conclusion is all of the terminology is flawed, we need new accurate terms for race. Or lets all be inhabitants of the earth, and stop getting so precious over an accident of birth.

Lewinski.

Why is DYSLEXIA such a difficult word to spell.

Somebody ratted.

Cherub.

This is one that could run. Why is that the Mr Universe competition, which has been running since 1965 has always been won by an Earthling?

Gratuity.