This is one of my favorites:
The Morning Call, Allentown, PA, 5/25/85
State: PA
American Rifleman Issue: 8/1/1985
Nathan Weisman, a 73-year-old West Allentown, Pa., man, was awakened by a burglar in his home. He picked up a .38 cal. revolver and investigated. Weisman fired one shot upon confronting the intruder, who left the scene in a hurry. Police said they found what appeared to be human excreta on the Weisman lawn, indicating the burglar fled in fear.
Giggity!