Darwin Awards 2006

[jkerouac]

They have announced the 2006 winners of the Darwin Awards.

For those of you who are not familiar with the Darwin Awards, perhaps the following alternative mottos will give you an idea what they are about:

"Chlorinating the Gene Pool"

"Where Evolution Hits the Pavement"

"Die and Learn"

"The Tree of Life is Self-Pruning"

Or meditate on this haiku:

Dude had a screw loose.

Glad he didn't reproduce.

Darwin saves the day!

Stupidity kills.

Absolute stupidity

kills absolutely.

But enough for build-up, on to this year's winners:

2006 RUNNER UP: Copper Kite Darwin Award -- Confirmed

"One string short of a kite."

(19 March 2006, Belize) Benjamin Franklin reputedly flew his kite

in a lightning storm, going on to discover that lightning equals

electricity. However, certain precautions must be taken to avoid

sudden electrocution. Kennon, 26, replicated the conditions of

Ben Franklin's experiment, but without Ben's sensible safety

precautions. Dennon was flying a kite with a short string that

he had extended with a length of thin copper wire.

The copper made contact with a high-tension line, sending a bolt

of electrical lightning towards the man. Just bad luck?

Kennon's father told listeners his son was an electrician, and

"should have known better." Kennon is survived by his parents,

six sisters, and five brothers.

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2006 RUNNER UP: Hammer of Doom Darwin Award -- Confirmed

August brought us a winner from Brazil, who tried to disassemble

a Rocket Propelled Grenade (RPG) by driving back and forth over

it with a car. This technique was ineffective, so he escalated to

pounding the RPG with a sledgehammer. The second try worked--in

a sense. The explosion proved fatal to one man, six cars, and

the repair shop wherein the efforts took place.

14 more RPG grenades were found in a car parked nearby. Police

believe the ammunition was being scavenged to sell as scrap

metal. If it wasn't scrap then, it certainly is now!

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And the 2006 DARWIN AWARD Winner is...

HIGH ON LIFE: "Take a deep breath..."

(3 June 2006, Florida) Two more candidates have thrown themselves

into the running for a Darwin Award. The feet of Jason and Sara,

both 21, were found protruding from a deflated, huge helium

advertising balloon. Jason was a college student, and Sara

attended community college, but apparently their education had

glossed over the importance of oxygen.

When one breathes helium, the lack of oxygen in the bloodstream

causes a rapid loss of consciousness. Some euthanasia experts

advocate the use of helium to painlessly end one's life.

The pair pulled down the 8' balloon, and climbed inside. Their

last words consisted of high-pitched, incoherent giggling as they

slowly passed out and passed into the hereafter.

Sheriff's deputies said the two were not victims of foul play. No

drugs or alcohol were found. The medical examiner reported that

helium inhalation was a significant factor in their deaths. A

family member said "Sara was mischievous, to be honest. She liked

fun and it cost her."