Cows

[Johnkaz]

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows; you give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRACY: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the

other, and then throws the milk away...

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take

harmonica lessons

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the

income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the

other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to

analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot,

and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are

one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it

worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live

for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they

are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have

five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them

again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another

bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You

charge the owners for storing them.

CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and

execute the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that

you have one. No-one believes you, so they bomb you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....

WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very

attractive.

AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The Government says you have to

buy a licence to milk them, but first you have to do a risk assessment,

which only the government Quango is allowed to carry out.

They charge you 5 times the cost of doing it. They find that the three

legged stool is a risk under health and safety. You have to buy the EC

approved 5 legged stool that is designed to support a milk maid of up to 250

kilos. It is too heavy to carry. The stool exceeds EC weight lifting limits

for workers by 4 kilos, which just happens to be the weight of the fifth

leg. To shift the stool from one cow to the other you therefore need a

special (EC approved) trolley. The new stool and trolley are so expensive

that you have to mortgage one of the cows to pay for them and pay for the

mandatory training course you must take to get your licence to milk the

cows. You sell your milk to the supermarket chain that pays you next to

nothing for it, and then they sell it to their customers for four times what

they paid you. Then they release a press statement about how wonderful they

are to support British Cows.

The rest of the world thinks your cows are mad but you and your cows know

that it is not true and Anyway the rest of the world, have no intention of

identifying and counting their mad cows so people in other countries don't

know their cows are really, really barmy do they. You sell your cows to a

Polish Migrant worker and your farm to a Russian 'investment bank' and then

you leave to buy a villa by the sea in a country where it is sunny and the

cost of milk is a tenth the cost of milk at home. They don't have a National

Health Service.......but you are so happy and relaxed your health improves

and you live to be a hundred.

Cheers Johnkaz.