jokes

[Grumpy]

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears Formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature Through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to See what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking At two spiders mating. " Daddy , what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her Father replied. "What do you call the spider on top?" she asked. "That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.. "So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked. As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he Replied "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs." The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took Her foot and stomped them flat, saying "Well, we're not having any of that Brokeback Mountain [censored] in our garden

TASTELESS JOKE

An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.

"What are you so happy about?" asks the barman.

"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "You know,

I live by the railroad tracks. Well, on my way home last

night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like

In the films. I, of course, went and cut her free and

Took her back to my place. Anyway, to make a long story

short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all

over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes

her on top, every position imaginable!"

"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky bastard.

Was she pretty?"

"Dunno.. Never found the head!"