greg_r Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 I never quite figured out why the urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.' I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!' So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... 'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.' She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?' Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take time off of work to spend the whole day with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big flashy department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.' Then we went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I had lost my marbles. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis...... I think she almost went mad with ecstasy when I said, 'That's all fine, honey.' She was almost nearing total and complete satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.' I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.' Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?' I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.' And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?' Apparently we're not doing it again tonight................. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnG Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 Is that for a for real story????!!!! :lol: :lol: I think you are going to be punished for a long time - women have memories like elephants!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greg_r Posted October 29, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 Is that for a for real story????!!!! uh no - just a joke. I'm not quite that silly. Although... when my Fiddy turned up on Monday, the wife looked at me and said "how many does that make now?". I told her "10". She rolled her eyes. I told her: "before you roll your eyes at me any more, I have just one word to say to you... Shoes." Fortunately, she laughed She also offered to buy me a bigger watch box for my birthday.... Seriously, I'm lucky, my wife doesn't pull that kinda nonsense - we've never even had a big argument. My first wife, however, was a different story (which is why she's my 'first wife' not my 'current wife' ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnG Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 she's my 'first wife' not my 'current wife' PICS OR IT NEVER HAPPENED!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oscarmadfish Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greg_r Posted October 29, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 PICS OR IT NEVER HAPPENED!!! Sure. First wife: ... at least, that was HER side of the story My side of the story was that I was too busy ducking low-flying junk to take pics..... Pics of the watchbox when I get it in December Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnG Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 Sure. First wife: ... at least, that was HER side of the story My side of the story was that I was too busy ducking low-flying junk to take pics..... Pics of the watchbox when I get it in December Come on, scan some wedding shots - just photoshop out your face and your walrus scrotum hands! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greg_r Posted October 29, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 Come on, scan some wedding shots - just photoshop out your face and your walrus scrotum hands! hehe - nope. The missus wouldn't be happy about posting that kinda thing on here, and I wouldn't feel right doing it even if she never found out. Wedding photos of the first time around have been ceremonially torn up, burned and the ashes boiled in acid... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnG Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 hehe - nope. The missus wouldn't be happy about posting that kinda thing on here, and I wouldn't feel right doing it even if she never found out. Wedding photos of the first time around have been ceremonially torn up, burned and the ashes boiled in acid... No matter, I have some good CSI-type magic software - we will scan the ashes and run them for a few hours on my Cray - in no time they will look like new! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greg_r Posted October 29, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnG Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 Is that REALLY you and your first wife???!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greg_r Posted October 29, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 Is that REALLY you and your first wife???!!! Having checked the image for evidence of thrown items and sundry weapons, I'd say no, that's not my first wife. She wasn't blonde, anyhow, and this one's smiling, which tends to suggest it can't be her. The guy in the photo looks more like my dead-beat son-in-law than me.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnG Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 Not blonde, no smile... got it: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greg_r Posted October 29, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 Not blonde, no smile... got it: Close. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onzenuub Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 I have pictures of the 1st and 2nd mrs. Greg. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greg_r Posted October 29, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 I have pictures of the 1st and 2nd mrs. Greg. The first you're welcome to. How about the third? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onzenuub Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 The first you're welcome to. How about the third? Thought wasn't allowed to mention your girlfriend, oke have pics of her as wel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ta8088 Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 Haha! Yeah I've heard that one before but it's still great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onzenuub Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 Haha! Yeah I've heard that one before but it's still great. Which one"That Greg has a girlfriend? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnG Posted October 30, 2008 Report Share Posted October 30, 2008 Which one"That Greg has a girlfriend? No, that you fancy winkies! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onzenuub Posted November 2, 2008 Report Share Posted November 2, 2008 No, that you fancy winkies! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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