Tescos

[jonthebhoy]

Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or

boyfriend along shopping .

This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in

Oxford:

Dear Mrs. Murray,

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty

Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you

and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his

antics.

Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by

our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's

trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute

intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to

feminine products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,

"Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and

told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a

Calor gas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him,

he began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a

mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the

Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the

antidepressants were.

10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming

the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practiced the "Madonna look"

using different size funnels.

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled

"PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,

assumed the fetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices

again."

And; last, but not least:

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a

while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."

Yours sincerely,

Charles Brown

Store Manager

[Dutchy]

POSSIBLY THE FUNNIEST JOKE ON THE SITE, ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT.

[fitmic]

Priceless!

[tech]

too funny!

[Everythingape]

[Johnkaz]

I do hope it is true, a friend of mine and his wife went into a dry cleaners to collect some large curtains, on being told the amount due he fell on the floor clutching his chest and writhing. The wife paid and stepped over him on the way out.

Cheers Johnkaz.