The Fairy Godmother's Last Theorem

[Nanuq]

The Fairy Godmother's Last Theorem, Resolved Via Oracle.

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Mathematicians have recently laid out eight math puzzlers for the new

century - riddles and theorems that remain unsolved. Among their list,

however, there was no entry for the Bibbitybobbityboo Theorem. As first

postulated by the Fairy Godmother in Disney's "Cinderella", it asserts:

Salagadoola, Mishakaboola, Bibbitybobbityboo

Put them together and what have you got? Bibbitybobbityboo.

She states that the combination of Salagadoola and Mishakaboola and

Bibbitybobbityboo gives Bibbitybobbityboo as its result. It is up to

the reader to determine the functions and expressions required to make

this equation correct, and to uncover the real-world relevance of the

equation. And as DBAs and developers, it is up to us to see how Oracle

can provide the answer to this long-standing concern.

Going beyond the simplistic cases where Salagadoola and Mishakaboola

are both either zero or 1, this Theorem at first seems to imply

Mishakaboola = -Salagadoola

Thus, the Theorem becomes

Salagadoola - Salagadoola + Bibbitybobbityboo = Bibbitybobbityboo

but surely a puzzle that simple would not have held sway over the

collective mathematical community since it was first postulated over a

carriage-worthy pumpkin. Investigating the problem further, one finds

that it could not even be properly solved with Oracle until the later

versions of Oracle7! After much research, the case can finally be

closed. For the full problem definition clearly states, in a later

section of the same discourse:

The thingamabob that does the job is Bibbitybobbityboo.

It does a job! Bibbitybobbityboo can thus be a function or procedure,

and Salagadoola and Mishakaboola must act on it in a way that returns

Bibbitybobbityboo as the result. Let's consider the possibilities:

1. Salagadoola is a package, and Mishakaboola is a function within it

that returns its input as its output. Thus:

select Salagadoola.Mishakaboola('Bibbitybobbityboo') from dual;

would return 'Bibbitybobbityboo'. However, this is a text string, not a

done job.

2. Salagadoola is a function, undoing whatever the function

Mishakaboola does, thus

select Salagadoola(Mishakaboola('Bibbitybobbityboo')) from dual;

would return 'Bibbitybobbityboo'. You could further nest this with

Bibbitybobbityboo as a function:

select Salagadoola(Mishakaboola(Bibbitybobbityboo(`job'))) from dual;

3. Salagadoola is a schema, Mishakaboola is a package, and

Bibbitybobbityboo is a function or procedure. Put them together and

what have you got? Bibbitybobbityboo.

This is the strongest of the cases thus far, since Bibbitybobbityboo,

as the only function in this configuration, would be the only component

capable of being the thingamabob that does the job. A variant on this

theme would be for Bibbitybobbityboo to be a synonym for a

Salagadoola.Mishakaboola package/function combination, but that's not

as strong a case. Additional cases can be made for Bibbitybobbityboo

being a Java class, or a method associated with an abstract data type,

or a trigger on a Mishakaboola table. With so many options, it's not

surprising that the Bibbitybobbityboo Theorem remained unsolved until

now.

If Salagadoola is a schema, Mishakaboola is a package, and

Bibbitybobbityboo is a function, then

Salagadoola.Mishakaboola.Bibbitybobbityboo(`job')

must do the job. Simply returning the string `job' does not meet the

stringent conditions specified in the problem definition - the

thingamabob must do the job. But we already know that the RUN procedure

of DBMS_JOB does the job. Therefore,

Salagadoola.Mishakaboola.Bibbitybobbityboo(`job') = DBMS_JOB.RUN(`job')

The Theorem can now be solved:

Salagadoola.Mishakaboola.Bibbitybobbityboo

Put them together and what have you got? DBMS_JOB.RUN.

It's not quite as lyrical, but it works, and it even fits within the

meter (D-B-M-S-JOB-DOT-RUN). Fermat would be proud.

The analysis of Chim-chim-aree Chim-chim-aree Chim-chim-charee is left

as an exercise for the reader.

[Pugwash]

Salagadoola, Mishakaboola, Bibbitybobbityboo

Put them together and what have you got? Bibbitybobbityboo.

"Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo

Put 'em together and what have you got

Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo"

Salagadoola is a low-pH liquid. mechicka-boola is quite high, and Bibbitybobbityboo is, as we all know, pH7. In the right quantities, the neutralising effects will return a liquid that is so close to Bibbitybobbityboo as to be indistinguishable, as long as you allow the mineral deposits to settle; a centrifuge helps.

"Chim chiminey Chim chiminey Chim chim cher-ee!"

This is a mis-transcribed phrase by the well-known French steeplejack, after whom the trade is named, Jaques le Stipeaux who, when asked by his wife how he would shore up the large cooling towers in the Northern English factory he was working at, answered "I shim ze chiminees. Shim chimneys, Cherie."