What's the best way of tolerating a Scorpio?

[TeeJay]

As the topic title... What's the best way of dealing with a Scorpio male, who is extremely passive/aggressive, constantly making verbal jabs at people, and generally being one comment away from getting a physical lesson in manners?

Avoidance is not an option, as I have giri with this person, so I was wondering if anyone might be able to make some suggestions which might make our interactions more tolerable...

Thanks in advance

[greg_r]

I work with one of those. I tried getting along with him, but he continued to pull the passive/aggressive [censored] whatever I did to placate him. I eventually got fed up with his games and went on the attack. I just take him out into the car park and shout at him for a bit whenever he steps seriously out of line. On the other hand, when he's doing what he's supposed to be doing and not playing games (with me or others) I back him up all the way. He has gradually learned that messing with me does not make for a good day and he mostly behaves himself - we're even quite friendly these days. It's taken a while, though - the real trick is not to get involved in the games but rise above them...

Good luck!

[TeeJay]

I work with one of those. I tried getting along with him, but he continued to pull the passive/aggressive shit whatever I did to placate him. I eventually got fed up with his games and went on the attack. I just take him out into the car park and shout at him for a bit whenever he steps seriously out of line. On the other hand, when he's doing what he's supposed to be doing and not playing games (with me or others) I back him up all the way. He has gradually learned that messing with me does not make for a good day and he mostly behaves himself - we're even quite friendly these days. It's taken a while, though - the real trick is not to get involved in the games but rise above them...

Good luck!

Thanks for the advise Sadly, I don't really have the option of yelling at the person in question due to my obligations to them, although if they were anyone else, they would've been told where to get off a long time ago... Such is giri... So you think the best thing to do is to basically be the 'reed bending in the wind'? I've tried being the 'rock in the stream', but even rocks eventually get worn down, and I think that's the point I've reached... Thanks again

[ChipSlap]

As the topic title... What's the best way of dealing with a Scorpio male, who is extremely passive/aggressive, constantly making verbal jabs at people, and generally being one comment away from getting a physical lesson in manners?

Avoidance is not an option, as I have giri with this person, so I was wondering if anyone might be able to make some suggestions which might make our interactions more tolerable...

Thanks in advance

Are you blaming his behavior on his birthdate? Really?

[Demsey]

As a passive-aggressive myself, I will divulge; when you bore the wits out of me, I will demure, and soon leave you to your own devices. Set your mind to whatever tactic you need apply to reach those ends T'J. It is difficult, not to rise to the occaision, like say, addressing a "troll" online when you do think better of it. We will all admit Do Not Feed The Troll is advice par excellence, but it is seldom, if ever, heeded.

Even 'ignoring' the passive-aggressive is futile after contact and a rise has been established. It's perceived as 'bating' to the p-a and as luring as a full frontal confrontation. Ummmm, you mentioned giri, in that strain I would suggest you further develope your own kata perhaps? If you do not perceive the passive-aggressive as a nuisance, whole heartedly, it will not bother you anymore than it raining on a day going into the office. Rain is a nuisance, but you may still whistle while going in on the train, convince yourself of the rain's ultimate contribution to a bigger picture and find you are still just as productive in your work on those days it is indeed raining. If your head is dry, what matter does rain make? However, you have had half a lifetime to garner that personal philosophy with regard to 'rain' and learn to keep your roof tight.

Rest assured though, when we digress, it will be total. I've screwed with A LOT of people on these forums. When I'm done, I'm done. You and I even, have gone 'round and 'round. I always read your posts. They are good. Often thought provoking and too, occaisionally, controversial. No longer am I motivated to challenge them when a chord of disagreement is struck or even make casual comment when I am in alignment. For the passive-aggressive altercations are a divergence from reality. Like the 'crossie' is a divergence from reality. It commands focus only as long as it is a challenge and unfinished. When finished it is soon forgotten. I think that's where Greg's situation is coming to, that phase; his co-worker has run his course with him to those ends. All that is left is to get down to work. Greg's tact may or may not have had any bearing on how long or short lived that course was. Dunno.

If all else fails, try a meerkat. Not too sure about Scorpios, but they will certainly make short work of a Scorpion, eating it head first with relish. Maybe there is a cosmic connection?

Good luck. Stay a course.

[greg_r]

Thanks for the advise Sadly, I don't really have the option of yelling at the person in question due to my obligations to them, although if they were anyone else, they would've been told where to get off a long time ago... Such is giri... So you think the best thing to do is to basically be the 'reed bending in the wind'? I've tried being the 'rock in the stream', but even rocks eventually get worn down, and I think that's the point I've reached... Thanks again

"reed bending in the wind". Yes, a fitting phrase. Possibly my 'shouting at him' approach was just something that worked uniquely in my situation - the thing was that I didn't/don't do it often, and only when the individual concerned needed to know just how deeply he'd landed himself in it... I'm one of those people who don't really care whether the person concerned is junior or senior to me - if they [censored] me off royally, they get to hear about it. Oddly, I've always gotten away with it

My colleague is very much the games player - and I've tried to make those games as dull and unrewarding for him as possible by refusing to play. It's not that I ignore the barbs, I just try to turn them into something that's a whole lot less fun for him. Refusing to be insulted or challenged by his games is a good start.

The odd thing that I've discovered is that, despite our frequent clashes, he's basically a good guy at heart. That realisation - and his knowledge that I actually like the guy when he's not playing silly bastards - is I think what turned our working relationship around.

[TeeJay]

Are you blaming his behavior on his birthdate? Really?

Not at all. Simply using the easiest label to put a handle on the situation for others. I expect there are many reasons for this persons behaviour, which have nothing whatsoever to do with his birthdate, but, at the end of the day, he does fit the profile most frequently applied to Scorpios, so I felt that was the most appropriate description to use

[TeeJay]

As a passive-aggressive myself, I will divulge; when you bore the wits out of me, I will demure, and soon leave you to your own devices. Set your mind to whatever tactic you need apply to reach those ends T'J. It is difficult, not to rise to the occaision, like say, addressing a "troll" online when you do think better of it. We will all admit Do Not Feed The Troll is advice par excellence, but it is seldom, if ever, heeded.

Even 'ignoring' the passive-aggressive is futile after contact and a rise has been established. It's perceived as 'bating' to the p-a and as luring as a full frontal confrontation. Ummmm, you mentioned giri, in that strain I would suggest you further develope your own kata perhaps? If you do not perceive the passive-aggressive as a nuisance, whole heartedly, it will not bother you anymore than it raining on a day going into the office. Rain is a nuisance, but you may still whistle while going in on the train, convince yourself of the rain's ultimate contribution to a bigger picture and find you are still just as productive in your work on those days it is indeed raining. If your head is dry, what matter does rain make? However, you have had half a lifetime to garner that personal philosophy with regard to 'rain' and learn to keep your roof tight.

Rest assured though, when we digress, it will be total. I've screwed with A LOT of people on these forums. When I'm done, I'm done. You and I even, have gone 'round and 'round. I always read your posts. They are good. Often thought provoking and too, occaisionally, controversial. No longer am I motivated to challenge them when a chord of disagreement is struck or even make casual comment when I am in alignment. For the passive-aggressive altercations are a divergence from reality. Like the 'crossie' is a divergence from reality. It commands focus only as long as it is a challenge and unfinished. When finished it is soon forgotten. I think that's where Greg's situation is coming to, that phase; his co-worker has run his course with him to those ends. All that is left is to get down to work. Greg's tact may or may not have had any bearing on how long or short lived that course was. Dunno.

If all else fails, try a meerkat. Not too sure about Scorpios, but they will certainly make short work of a Scorpion, eating it head first with relish. Maybe there is a cosmic connection?

Good luck. Stay a course.

Thanks, putting it that way, will certainly make it easier to ignore. I guess I'm just not used to being in a situation where I have to silently accept such behaviour (to myself and others) without challenging it, so from that point of view, it makes me feel like I'm being 'less of a man' by not doing anything about it, but, as you say, if it's part of the bigger picture, then I can deal with it from that perspective Thanks again

[TeeJay]

"reed bending in the wind". Yes, a fitting phrase. Possibly my 'shouting at him' approach was just something that worked uniquely in my situation - the thing was that I didn't/don't do it often, and only when the individual concerned needed to know just how deeply he'd landed himself in it... I'm one of those people who don't really care whether the person concerned is junior or senior to me - if they piss me off royally, they get to hear about it. Oddly, I've always gotten away with it

My colleague is very much the games player - and I've tried to make those games as dull and unrewarding for him as possible by refusing to play. It's not that I ignore the barbs, I just try to turn them into something that's a whole lot less fun for him. Refusing to be insulted or challenged by his games is a good start.

The odd thing that I've discovered is that, despite our frequent clashes, he's basically a good guy at heart. That realisation - and his knowledge that I actually like the guy when he's not playing silly bastards - is I think what turned our working relationship around.

Oh don't get me wrong, yelling at this guy and verbally putting him in his place would definitely work, and I know that I have more than enough ammunition to rip him to shreds and he'd never speak to me again. Which would be awesome. But, this is where giri comes into play... It wouldn't really be right for me to speak like that to someone who ultimately puts a roof over my head, and has been very supportive of my business, when other sources have been less than supportive. As with your scorp, when this guy isn't being a total fucknut, he is a good guy at heart, it's just frustrating that he then behaves the way he does. I'm not sure if he does it knowing that people won't say anything, or if he's hoping that they will (thus giving him more ammunition to behave thus) but at the end of the day, his motivations don't really bother me. I don't really care why he acts like he does, I just wanted to find the best way of minimizing the stress of dealing with him I guess it's true when someone says "It costs what it costs..." This is what it costs... Thanks again for the input

[steppen]

why do you keep calling it 'giri'?

are you Japanese and you haven't found an English word that sufficiently conveys the meaning of the word?

but to address your topic, why not simply explain that his comments are not appreciated, he's probably used to getting away with it, so regardless of the duty or obligation that you have, confront him about it.

[StormTooper4]

Ultimately the scorpio craves security and power, but they can become intoxicated by power. They can be very extreme, which can be either external or more often internalized. But the spectrum is either love or hate, there is rarely a middle ground. Their actions serve to intensify their power which can be self destructive. They like a good sulk. They like to talk about subjects that others would like to keep secret this can be confronting for many but used wisely they can be an effective and efficient partner. They can be fixated by one idea and won't leave it until they've dissected to the nth degree. You should use their emotional strength and focus their analytical abilities to your advantage. At the end of the day you either get along with a Scorpio or you don't they tend to be the most 'annoying' frustrating and unliked sign of the zodiac. That's quite unfair because they are the most loyal and if they value you, then you have a lifelong allie, which much beter than having one against you. Look at exactly why they cause you grief, is it that your own expectations aren't being met? Address their behaviour rather than the person, they should respect your honesty

[TeeJay]

why do you keep calling it 'giri'?

you haven't found an English word that sufficiently conveys the meaning of the word?

I'm not Japanese, but you're absolutely correct, in that the English language simply does not have an accurate translation for the concept of obligations of this nature and their implications on my daily life

but to address your topic, why not simply explain that his comments are not appreciated, he's probably used to getting away with it, so regardless of the duty or obligation that you have, confront him about it.

I really would, but there's only so much that I can say to someone when I'm pretty much living under his roof... THis is the problem. Anyone else, I'd just say I don't appreciate the behaviour and walk away from it, but, in my situation, that would involve creating either a really unpleasant atmosphere in the home, or, effectively making myself homeless, hense the dilemma

[TeeJay]

Ultimately the scorpio craves security and power, but they can become intoxicated by power. They can be very extreme, which can be either external or more often internalized. But the spectrum is either love or hate, there is rarely a middle ground. Their actions serve to intensify their power which can be self destructive. They like a good sulk. They like to talk about subjects that others would like to keep secret this can be confronting for many but used wisely they can be an effective and efficient partner. They can be fixated by one idea and won't leave it until they've dissected to the nth degree. You should use their emotional strength and focus their analytical abilities to your advantage. At the end of the day you either get along with a Scorpio or you don't they tend to be the most 'annoying' frustrating and unliked sign of the zodiac. That's quite unfair because they are the most loyal and if they value you, then you have a lifelong allie, which much beter than having one against you. Look at exactly why they cause you grief, is it that your own expectations aren't being met? Address their behaviour rather than the person, they should respect your honesty

You're absolutely spot on there. To be honest, much of their verbal comments aren't directed at me, and those that are, I can kind of ignore (although I feel that I shouldn't have to) As you say, in other ways, they are in incredibly loyal person, so I don't want to be ungreatful to that support or loyalty, hense my use of the term 'giri' I know that I have to put up with it as part of that obligation, I was just hoping to find a better coping strategy

[offshore]

Kick him in the nuts!

O/S

[TeeJay]

Kick him in the nuts!

O/S

If the situation gets bad enough, I'll keep that option in reserve

[mick92627]

Today's Horoscope:

Scorpio Oct 24 - Nov 21

Scorpio represents the descent of the self into the collective ocean of spirit and thought. Also, Scorpio represents whatever other bullsh:t you're willing to believe this week.

ADVT:

Financial reward could be in your future, as Gemini is offering limited-time zero-percent interest on all balances transferred from other Zodiac signs. Apply now.