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European Union.


offshore

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TheEuropean Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be theofficial language of the European Union rather than German, which was the otherpossibility.

As part of thenegotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had someroom for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would becomeknown as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c"..Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard"c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear upkonfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publikenthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome"ph" will be replaced with "f".. This will make words likefotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reachthe stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always bena deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in thelanguag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining"ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl ritenstyl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understandech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forstplas.

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