My friends in the force leave this at my table because i volunteered to go to Alaska again

[Ezio]

So my colleagues left me this at my bed at the base today those [censored]

Q: How do you know your Alaskan? A: You know which leaves make good toilet paper!

Q: Why couldn't the Anchorage school district buy enough buses for children? A: Because they had to buy the Zambonis first!

Q: How do Alaskans get a great upper body workout? A: By shoveling their driveways!

Q: Why is Sarah Palin not a hockey mom? A: Because she did a poor job telling her daughters about "keeping players out of the crease!"

Q: Why should Alaskan's be excited about Russia holding the 2018 World Cup? A: Because if you have eyes like Sarah Palin you can watch the games from home!

Q: How do you know if Sarah Palin is having marriage troubles? A: She sends her husband hunting with [censored] Cheney!

Q: What is the Alaskan Inuits ancient approximation for the mathematical term "pi"? A: Eskimo Pi!

Q: What happened to the 5 year old boy who won a moose calling contest at the Alaska Zoo in Anchorage? A: He was shot to death by Sarah Palin!

Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Alaska? A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Q: If you have a car containing an Eskimo, Levi Johnston, and Todd Palin, who is driving the car? A: The cop.

Q: What is the definition of safe sex up in Alaska? A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

Q: How do you casterate an Alaskan? A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: Why do Alaskans have TGIF on their shoes? A: Toes Go In First!

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through Alaska? A. A vice presidential nomination.

Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned in Alaska? A: They cause too much brain damage!

Q: What should you do if you find three Alaskans buried up to their neck in cement? A: Get more cement.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Alaska? A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. How did the Alaskan die from drinking milk? A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What is the definition of a Alaskan virgin? A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers

.. Q: What do you call an Alaskan in a BCS bowl game? A: A referee.

Q: How many Alaskans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man

! Q: What are the best four years of an Alaskans life? A: Third grade

Q: What does an Alaskan native and a bottle of beer have in common? A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in Alaska? A. With a restraining order.

Q. What's the first thing an Alaskan girl does when she wakes up in the morning? A. Walks home.

Q: What do you call an University of Alaska football player with a championship ring? A: A thief!

Q: What did the Alaskan female say after sex? A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!

Q: What is the difference between a bucket of [censored] and a Alaska native? A: The bucket.

[kbh]

Very funny. I wonder what Nanuq will think? lol

[Nanuq]

Hah!  Here's more:

 

 

You Know You're In Alaska When.............

. . .when it warms up to -35 degrees(Fahrenheit) and you go out in your shirt sleeves to wash you car.

. . .when you drive for a mile on square tires on a -65 morning before they eventually become normal.

. . .when you have to put your sun visor down at 3:00 a.m.

. . .all of your relatives refer to you as that crazy person that lives up there.

. . .your kids think that you have to get on a airplane to go on vacation.

. . .you only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.

. . .you design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.

. . .the mosquitoes have landing lights.

. . .you have more miles on you snowblower than your car.

 

. . .you have ever had your snowblower stuck on your roof.

. . .you have 10 favorite recipes for moose meat.

. . .you've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.

. . .driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow.

. . .you think sexy lingerie is fleece socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.

. . .you owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.

. . .at least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.

. . .the most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.

. . .you think the start of moose season is a national holiday.

. . .you frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.

. . .you take off your shirt and your arms are as pale as your legs all the way to your wrists.

. . .you know that the term "Break Up" has more to do with the weather than personal relationships.

. . .your monthly phone bill is larger than your house payment.

. . .there is a bottle of Avon's Skin-So-Soft in your tackle box.

. . .you don't know anyone who doesn't own a 4-wheeler.

. . .you have ever taken a trip "outside" and tried to cash a traveler's check, drawn on an Alaskan bank, and the cashier asked you the current exchange rate in Alaska.

. . .you have ever washed your car while there was still snow on the ground.

. . .you have ever power washed your car by parking driver's side into the rain in the morning, and passenger side into the rain in the afternoon. (a Dutch Harbor thing)

. . .you have tennis elbow but have never played tennis, just snagged a lot of salmon.

. . .you know a honey bucket is really a bucket, but it's not really full of honey. (If you don't know, don't ask)

. . .you know that the Rat Net is not a rodent catching device.

. . .you know the Naknek Twitch is an illegal fishing technique, not a spasmodic muscle in your neck.

. . .you travel for two days to get outside but none of your family members will travel more than two minutes to visit you.

. . .you learned to swim indoors.

. . .you leave your Christmas lights up, year round, because as soon as it gets warm enough to take them down it starts getting dark enough to put them up again.

. . .your bedroom windows are covered in aluminum foil.

. . .you had waffle soles put on your cowboy boots.

. . .your monthly veterinarian bill is more than your own medical bill.

. . .you know that a "handi-man-jack" is a device designed to lift a car to change a flat, not a guy named Jack that comes around on Saturdays to repair minor problems.

. . .you know a "white out" has to do with winter conditions not correcting fluid for typos.