'Twas............

[Nanuq]

A Visit from Saint Nicholas

'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus Musculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the woodburning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas.

The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through their cerebra. My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal cranial coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity from my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source thereof.

Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing the fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline aqueous precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian itself, thus permitting my incredulous optical sensor to peruse a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by an octet of diminutive specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule, aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his undulate motive power traveling at what may possibly have been more vertiginous velocity than patriotic alar predators, he vociferated loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted labia, and addressed each of the octet by his or her respective cognomen ... "Now Dasher, now Dancer..." et al., guiding them to the uppermost exterior level of our abode, through which structure I could readily distinguish the concatenations of each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.

As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was performing a 180 degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved, with utmost celerity and via a downward leap, entry by way of the smoke passage. He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebony residue from the oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on the walls thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I attributed largely to the plethora of assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle.

His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of engaging amiability. The capillaries of his molar regions and nasal appurtenance were engorged with blood which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the former approximating the coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus Avium, or sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and supralabials resembled nothing so much as a common loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment appeared like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.

Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smokingpiece whose gray fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider than it was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical container.

Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the aforementioned hosiery with articles of merchandise extracted from his aforementioned previously dorsally transported cloth receptacle. Upon completion of this task, he executed an abrupt about-face, placed a single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and forthwith affected his egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage. He then propelled himself in a short vector onto his conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a movement hitherto observable chiefly among the seedbearing portions of a commonweed. But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the limits of visibility: "Ecstatic Yuletides to the planetary constituency, and to that self-same assemblage my sincerest wishes for a salubriously beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset and dawn."

 

[Demsey]

Just sayin'........................................

[Nanuq]

Demsssssssss!!! Welcome back dude!

[nikki6]

Holy crap!! Demsey where you been dude?!

[Demsey]

Oh, I've been about. I was pretty much out of touch and it wasn't until recently I learned about Alan's passing which hit me harder than I would have imagined. I never met the man, but he influenced me, as he did a lot of us, in good ways and I was compelled to come by.

The first thing I did was scan the main page and came across Bob's avatar and this thread. 

This is so; 'Nanuq'. I did a cut-and-paste for my daughters. They'll get a kick out f it!

Hope all are well here. Happy Holidays!

 

[Nanuq]

It's sure good to see you again. So when's the next trip to Alaska? Man have I got some stories for you.

[alt.watch.obsessive]

This works as engineer humor and lawyer humor.

[Nanuq]

Hmmmmmmm, an astute observation. However if it was Lawyer humor it would need a disclaimer. And so:

DISCLAIMER:

The views and opinions expressed on this site are my own and not paid for by special interests. They may not be used for advertising or product endorsement purposes. Any similarity to persons living or dead is completely coincidental, not to mention hilarious and possibly written to embarrass or confuse. You should not attempt to operate motor vehicles while under the influence of this posting. This web page may cause severe cramps and nausea, bloody nose, dizziness, munchies, redundancy, headaches, redundancy, triskaidekaphobia, clinophobia, redundancy, emergence of repressed emotions such as anger at your father for grounding you for a month because you tried to put the neighbor's Chihuahua in a hot dog bun and stick it in the microwave, and tendencies to burst into a rendition of "Surfin Safari" while navigating various wristwatch related sites ... consequently rankling aging hippies who still haven't gotten over the demise of head shops, Jefferson Airplane, and beach movies with the crass misuse of their coming-of-age sacred cows. You should not drink alcohol in excess while viewing this web page (although there are claims that doing so makes it funnier, or at least enhances the embedded pink elephants) Since my mother reads this site, it is necessary to include the following additional cautions as to possible viewing results: a big new swing of confidence, living large and laughing easy, a generous swelling of pride, making sizeable strides to improve your score, throwing them hard and straight, and not traveling as light as you used to. This posting may introduce a host of side effects, including joint pain, projectile vomiting, compulsively repeating the phrase "no can do", visions of the Virgin Mary, a growing dissatisfaction with life, shortening of the intestines, and retroactive birth defects. Men may experience impotence and an irrational fear of guppies, a lowering of the voice and perhaps the lowering of a testicle. Readers are warned that, twenty minutes after viewing this post you will feel an insatiable craving for another, and are advised to "avoid this with all your power," including the possibility of having a friend handcuff you to a large kitchen appliance. We're not kidding. A Frigidaire is a good start. All images, sounds, quotes and thoughts (expressed or implied) used here are copyright of their respective originators. References in this web page to any specific commercial products, processes, or services by trade name, trademark, manufacturer, or otherwise, does not necessarily constitute or imply its endorsement, recommendation, or favoring, unless otherwise specified. This site features stunts performed by professionals and/or idiots which should not be tried at home by anyone. Read that again. No one. Not even you. You can put your eye out. No animals were harmed in the making of this web page. although several billion electrons were terribly inconvenienced. It is possible that peanuts may have come in contact with this web page. This web page is not latex-friendly, although Ken has been known to make an exception ... nor is it fire resistant. Member FDIC, close cover before striking, refrigerate after opening. Severe penalty may be assessed for early withdrawal. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely intentional. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. This is not an offer to sell securities. This posting did not, in fact, "let the dogs out". Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. For external application only, do not apply to genitals. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before expiration date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. For off-road use only. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. Slippery when wet. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. Do not write below this line. Watch for falling rock. Sanitized for your protection. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog, you must be present to win. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Use only in well ventilated areas. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only.

[Demsey]

It's sure good to see you again. So when's the next trip to Alaska? Man have I got some stories for you.

Man, we haven't been up in AK for five years. Jonesin' ! The girls are in the equestrian pursuits pretty deep now. Their time off school is pretty much dominated by that. We haven't been anywhere we can't drive the horse trailer in all that time. I'm about three years away from being an empty nester tho', which will be strange. Alaska ho! Fer sher!

Stories? You? Nawwwwww!  

[Nanuq]

You know, you CAN drive a horse trailer here. Then we'll make some more stories!

[Demsey]

 Then we'll make some more stories!

 

Yikes! Lemme guess, this is a screen cap off your GoPro helmet cam, as you broke out of the blind curve from the seven mile downhill on your bike. Just before your six month stay in hospital?

 

or,

Timothy Treadwell. What a fair heart. My bears live with me. In town.

 

or,

Dear Mr. Bob ********,

The studio is greatly anticipating your treatment and adaptation for the big screen;  'Gentle Ben'.

The legal department however insists that there will no need, or more to the point, applicable legal coverage for you to 'bring your own' animal actor(s) and assure you that the studio has secured resources to procure the 'real deal', as you so colorfully referred, of said same.

Looking forward to working with you on the project as creative consultant, and yes there could be provision in the contract for your screen credit to be applied 'Nanuq'. The marketing department only wishes they had thought of it first!

 

Best regards,

Dorothy Gale

Public Liaison to the Casting Director, MGM Studios.