Commentator Balls Ups And Quotes (colemanballs)

[cornerstone]

"This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother." (Ted Walsh Horse Racing Commentator)

Dennis Pennis: "Have you ever thought of writing your autobiography?"

Chris Eubank: "On what?"

"Well , either side could win it, or it could be a draw." (Ron Atkinson)

"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.' (David Acfield)

"There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class" (David Coleman at The Montreal Olympics)

"One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee-shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my God, what have I just said?" (USTV commentator)

Sydney Olympics: Event - womens Weighlifting (clean and jerk) Coleman - "And here's the favourite for the title. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing".

"Moses Kiptanui - the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago" (David Coleman)

"Once Tony Daley opens his legs you've got a problem" (Howard Wilkinson)

"After playing Cameroon in the 1990 world cup finals: "We didn't underestimate them. They were a lot better than we thought" (Bobby Robson)

"And with an alphabetical irony, Nigeria follows New Zealand" (David Coleman)

On the difficulties of adjusting to playing football and living in Italy: "It was like being in a foreign country" (Ian Rush)

"Bill Frindal has done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator" (John Arlott)

"Fred Davis, the doyen of snooker, now 67 years of age and too old to get his leg over, prefers to use his left hand. " (Ted Lowe)

"Ah! Isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew" (Harry Carpenter, BBC TV Boat Race 1977)

"Hodge scored for Forest after 22 seconds - totally against the run of play" (Peter Lorenzo)

"We actually got the winner three minutes from the end but then they equalised" (Ian McNail)

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body" (Winston Bennett)

"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat" (Ron Atkinson)

"I was in a no-win situation, so I'm glad that I won rather than lost" (Frank Bruno)

"Henry Horton's got a funny stance. It looks as if he's shitting on a sooting stick." (Brian Johnstone)

"There's going to be a real ding-dong when the bell goes." (David Coleman)

"There is Brendan Foster, by himself, with 20,000 people" (David Coleman)

"The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical" (Murray Walker)

"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel" (Stuart Pearce)

"We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the opposite" (Murray Walker)

"She's not Ben Johnson - but then who is?" (David Coleman)

"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father" (Greg Norman)

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious" (Alan Minter)

"The racecourse is as level as a billiard ball" (John Francombe)

"Watch the time it gives you an indication of how fast they are running" (Ron Pickering)

"Just under 10 seconds for Nigel Mansel. Call it 9.5 seconds in round numbers" (Murray Walker)

"Playing with wingers is more effective against European sides like Brazil than English sides like Wales" (Ron Greenwood)

"A brain scan revealed that Andrew Caddick is not suffering from stress fracture of the shin" (Jo Sheldon)

"The French are not normally a Nordic Skiing Nation" (Ron Pickering)

"That's inches away from being millimetre perfect" (Ted Lowe)

"Bobby Gould thinks I'm trying to stab him in the back. In fact I'm right behind him" (Stuart Pearson)

"I'll fight Lloyd Honeyghan for nothing if the price is right" (Marlon Starling)

"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again" (Terry Venables)

"The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests - absolutely round." (Tony Crozier)

"Britain was very different in my grandfather's day. There were children walking around without proper feet." 3rd Earl Atlee, Radio 5 Live

"I'd be surprised if all 22 players are on the field at the end of the game -- one's already been sent off." George Best, Sky Sports

"They've really got the bit between their legs now..." Bobby Ham, Pulse Sport

"Here we are in the Holy Land of Israel - a Mecca for tourists." David Vine, BBC

"In a sense it's a one-man show... except there are two men involved, Hartson and Berkovic, and a third man, the goalkeeper." John Motson, BBC1

"Liz Taylor is recovering in hospital after having had a benign tuna removed from just behind her right ear." Capital Radio

Peter Snow: "In a sense, Deng Xiaoping’s death was inevitable, wasn’t it?"

Expert: "Yes."

Channel 4 News

"Robert Lee was able to do some running on his groin for the first time." Glenn Hoddle, quoted in the Observer

"As Phil De Glanville said, each game is unique, and this one is no different to any other." John Sleightholme, BBC1

Shoemaker: "Sometimes we use French leather."

John Eley: "Where do you get that from?"

Shoemaker: "France!"

BBC Radio Suffolk

"It's like learning to play golf. Just when you think you've cracked it, they move the goalposts." Adrian Love, Southern Counties Radio

"Cystitis is a living death, it really is. Nobody ever talks about it, but if I was faced with a choice between having my arms removed and getting cystitis, I'd wave goodbye to my arms quite happily."

Louise Wener (of Sleeper) in Q Magazine

"...an idea someone picks up and runs with, only to find they've painted themselves into a corner." Labour spokesperson, BBC1

Grand National winning jockey Mick Fitzgerald: "Sex is an anti-climax after that!"

Desmond Lynam: "Well, you gave the horse a wonderful ride, everyone saw that." BBC

"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field." Metro Radio

"Morcelli has the four fastest 1500-metre times ever. And all those times are at 1500 metres." David Coleman, BBC1

Listener: "My most embarrassing moment was when my artificial leg fell off at the altar on my wedding day."

Simon Fanshawe: "How awful! Do you still have an artificial leg?" Talk Radio

"The pit say PUMP ON, that probably means to switch the pump on." Murray Walker, BBC

Interviewer: "So did you see which train crashed into which train first?"

15-year-old: "No, they both ran into each other at the same time." BBC Radio 4

"The lack of money is evident but you've got 12,000 volunteers who'll break their back to make sure it's a success." Today Program (on the Paralympics)

Presenter [to palaeontologist]: "So what would happen if you mated the woolly mammoth with, say, an elephant?"

Guest: "Well in the same way that a horse and a donkey produce a mule, we'd get a sort of half-mammoth."

Presenter: "So it'd be like some sort of hairy gorilla?"

Guest: "Er, yes, but elephant shaped, and with tusks."

GLR

Kilroy-Silk: "Did you mean to get pregnant?"

Girl: "No. It was a cock-up."

"You weigh up the pros and cons and try to put them in chronological order." Dave Bassett, Radio 5 Live

[KB]

And the winner is........

Sydney Olympics: Event - womens Weighlifting (clean and jerk) Coleman - "And here's the favourite for the title. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing".

I must have heard it dozens of times but it still cracks me up

Ken

[cornerstone]

And the winner is........

I must have heard it dozens of times but it still cracks me up

Ken

Exactly the same here - nothing new amongst them, but that one makes me laugh still...!