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To Arms To Arms the Kiwis are coming


KB

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To help out phaedo, we'll put some sheep yards down on Bondi beach, and see if we can get Taronga Park moved over there as well!

'Cos most of the Kiwi population are in Bondi.....and the bloody rest are here on the Gold Coast with me!

Offshore

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To help out phaedo, we'll put some sheep yards down on Bondi beach, and see if we can get Taronga Park moved over there as well!

'Cos most of the Kiwi population are in Bondi.....and the bloody rest are here on the Gold Coast with me!

Offshore

You know, 4 years of living 30 minutes north of Bondi and I still haven't been there. Must be all those kiwis there!

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No Jody- White pointers are breasts=topless.

Kiwis are the hoards of sometimes unwelcome immigrants to Australia, many of whom live in Bondi, (or on the Gold Coast)They flock here for our unemployment benefits ;)

The Kiwi male population have an unenviable reputation, for their preference for sheep over women, although they obviously consider our kangaroos fair game as well :D

And my reference to Taronga Park is the zoo located there....with many kangaroos and other Oz wildlife....ideal for the Kiwi sheep shaggers :lol:

Hope that explains that bit of Oz- Kiwi banter.

Offshore

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Helen Clarke, Prime Minister of New Zulland, is rudely awoken at 4am by the telephone.

"Hillen, its the Hilth Munister here. Sorry to bother you at this Hour but there is an emergency! I've just received word thet the Durex fectory en Auckland has burned to the ground. It is istimated the the entire New Zulland supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of the week.!!!"

PM: "Shut - the economy wull niver be able to cope with all those unwanted babies - wi'll be ruined!"

Hilth Munister: "We're going to hef to shup some in from...Brutain?..."

PM: "No chence!! The Poms will have a field day on thus one!"

Hilth Munister: "What about Australia ?"

PM: "I'll call Kevin Rudd - tell hum we need one million condoms; Ten enches long and eight enches thuck! That way they'll continue to respect the all blacks!!"

Three days later a delighted Hillen rushes out to open the boxes. She finds condoms; 10 unches long; 8 unches thuck, all coloured green and gold. With small writing on each one.........

MADE IN AUSTRALIA - SIZE : MEDIUM

And to translate the above you will need this:

HOW TO SPEAK NUW ZULANDER

(FOR BIST EFFICT, RID THESE OUT LOWD)

Milburn ................... Capital of Victoria

Peck ........................ To fill a suitcase

Pisssed aside ............... Chemical which kills insects

Pigs ........................ For hanging out washing with

Pug ....................... large pink animal with curly tail

Nin Tin dough ........... Computer game

Munner stroney ......... Soup

Min ......................... Male of the species

Mess Kara ................. Eye makeup

McKennock .............. Person who fixes cars

Mere ....................... Mayor

Leather ................... Foam produced from soap

Lift ........................ departed

Kiri Pecker ............... Famous Australian businessman

Kittle crusps .............. Potato crisps

Ken's ...................... Cairns

Jungle bells ............... Christmas carol

Inner me ................... Enemy

Guess ....................... Vapour

Fush ...................... Marine creatures

Fitter cheney ............ Type of pasta

Ever cardeau ........... Avocado

Fear hear ................ Blonde

Ear ........................ Mix of nitrogen and oxygen

Ear roebucks ........... Exercise at the gym

Duffy cult ............... not easy

Amejen .................. visualise

Chuck .................... Very young poultry

Bug hut .................. popular recording

Bun button ............... Been bitten by insect

Beard ...................... A place to sleep

Sucks Peck ............... Half a dozen beers

Ear New Zulland ....... an extinct airline

Beers ...................... Large savage animals found in US forests

Veerjun ................... Mythical New Zealand maiden

One Doze .................. Well known computer program

Brudge ..................... Structure spanning a stream

Sex .......................... One less than sivven

Tin ........................... One more than nine

Iggs Ecktly ................ Precisely

Cuds ........................ children

Pits ........................... Domestic animals

Cuttin ........................ Baby cat

Earplane .................. large flying machine

Sivven Sucks Sivven ...... Large Boeing aircraft

Sivven Four Sivven ...... Larger Boeing aircraft

Beggage Chuckken ...... place to leave your suitcase at the earport

Col.

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So last year I spent a week in Sydney and 2 weeks in South Island, NZ. I observed as an outsider quite a lot of kidding between you guys. I've promised my several Aussie cousins to return, thanks for translating the finer points, maybe I'll know what the family is saying this time. Seems a lot of the jokes I heard in Sydney were about Americans & their money.

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Thanks for the clarification offshore. I now have a better understanding of the culture in that part of the world. I shall share this new information with the rest of our civilization...... :D

Now off to the pointer bar.

Edited by jfreeman420
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