TwoTone Posted March 18, 2006 Report Share Posted March 18, 2006 Tough day with your teenager? Read this. The Goodbye Letter A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands. Dear Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercing, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion... Dad she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your grandchildren. Love, your son, John. P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home." My kind of kid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwoTone Posted March 18, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dutchy Posted March 18, 2006 Report Share Posted March 18, 2006 T That one just STAYS funny!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwoTone Posted March 18, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwoTone Posted March 18, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwoTone Posted March 18, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwoTone Posted March 19, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 19, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwoTone Posted March 19, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 19, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KB Posted March 19, 2006 Report Share Posted March 19, 2006 Loovve that first one Keep up the good work Ken Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwoTone Posted March 19, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 19, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwoTone Posted March 19, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 19, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwoTone Posted March 19, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 19, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwoTone Posted March 19, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 19, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dutchy Posted March 19, 2006 Report Share Posted March 19, 2006 Great stuff!! Hahaha, I love the first couple ones, awesome stuff! You're doin a good job there TT! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willster Posted March 19, 2006 Report Share Posted March 19, 2006 :clap3: Really funny stuff TT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwoTone Posted March 20, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 20, 2006 The True Gran... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dutchy Posted March 20, 2006 Report Share Posted March 20, 2006 The True Gran... Hahaha, remember that one!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realloth Posted March 20, 2006 Report Share Posted March 20, 2006 I love the advice column! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwoTone Posted March 21, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonthebhoy Posted March 21, 2006 Report Share Posted March 21, 2006 TT - fast becoming our in-house stand up comedian. JTB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonthebhoy Posted March 21, 2006 Report Share Posted March 21, 2006 INDIAN WITH ONE TESTICLE There once was a Red Indian whose given name was "Onestone". So named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you Onestone." Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die! What is the moral of this story?????............................OH, Come on...take a guess! . Think about it You're going to love this!) And the moral is... You can't kill two birds with one stone!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KB Posted March 21, 2006 Report Share Posted March 21, 2006 Oi Micheal as soon as I can work this 'lkernvhyemgetafuckingilifegfwmdkthum' out your in big trouble bucko Just keep them coming Micheal, we have this section for a reason Ken Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Carl Posted March 22, 2006 Report Share Posted March 22, 2006 I can hardly type. Keep it up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwoTone Posted March 22, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 22, 2006 The American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's Penis was larger than the shaft. After 1 year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex. After the US published the study, the French decided to do their own study. After $250,000 and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the woman more pleasure during sex. Newfoundlanders, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, and 2 cases of beer, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting himself in the forehead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwoTone Posted March 22, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 22, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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