University has begun!

[Dutchy]

Man you guys a re helpful. It really struck me, thanks all. It's one of those things you know will work out but you wonder when.....how long do I have to be patient for until the others accept me too??

I suppose it doesn't help that I arrived a week earlier. 2nd of all I have made a lot of friends in other colleges so they may feel like I have everyhing sorted. 3rd of all, there is a door that seperates their part from mine and one other girl. And lastly, my door was always shut because it closes by itself (I tried a chair, heavy books, a rock, everything). So I will be buying a door stop to show them I'm not hiding or anything.

Anyway, its a rough start. I miss my family loads and the fact that my sister is coming is great. However the activities organized for the college (tonight is Access All Areas where you go around all the college bars which have different themes) I never have a chance to go to because I'm really really sick (have a major "freshers flu") or because I was busy doing something else.

I feel bad about this, but at the same time, I am enjoying myself to some extent. I just feel like an ass for not joining in on my particular college activities.

Thanks for all the advice/support. It really means a lot.

[Dutchy]

hey guys, just another update about uni. I'm getting to know people but at the same time everything is so new. The homesickness wont fade and that makes it tough. Lectures start tomorrow and my brother is coming over on Friday. The people on my floor havent really warmed up. I feel like they dislike me for some reason, like I'm an outsider. I've tried talking to them but its still tough because they dont really want to hang out with me. I hope time goes a little faster once lectures start.

All the best.

[cornerstone]

Ach, before you know it you'll have vomited with half of them and slept with the rest....!

Have a good one, mate!

[Victoria]

hey guys, just another update about uni. I'm getting to know people but at the same time everything is so new. The homesickness wont fade and that makes it tough. Lectures start tomorrow and my brother is coming over on Friday.

I know you feel that that is a good thing, but IMHO, it's not. Trust me on this, as a veteran of boarding schools since the age of 8 and a half. You should take the plunge, and feel homesick for a month. Then it'll go away.

My mother kept calling my school every day, to comfort me, until my father (also a boarding school lad once) told her to stop. Calling me just made me pine worse for all I loved and cherished, and made adapting to my new surroundings that much harder, and longer.

The people on my floor havent really warmed up. I feel like they dislike me for some reason, like I'm an outsider.

NO NO a million times NO. It's nothing to do with you, Dutchy.

It's a quirk of our British social norms. I know it seems that they don't like you. I know they give you the cold shoulder. I know sometimes you are thinking as you read this, "Vic, they're not cold, they are HOSTILE".

YES, that's how we are. Sad but true.

It'll change. Believe me. Outsiders have written your very words since time immemorial about the British. What can we do? It's the way we are. If you lived in a village, it would be WORSE. Then you'd really feel what being an outsider is like. That's why minorities stick to cities, my dear. Life in Britain isn't for everyone. You have TO EARN your place. Island peoples are like this, as I said.

But when June rolls around, and you have one year under your belt at a British university, you will see, I promise you -- it's the best. The balls, the friends, the swotting up for revision. It's all worth it!

I've tried talking to them but its still tough because they dont really want to hang out with me. I hope time goes a little faster once lectures start.

Lectures, wassat?

No one goes to lectures at Oxbridge in Freshers year. Can't miss a tute though. Even if you look like death warmed up, binging from the night before, and anyway, the Dons have fridges in their offices, full of booze.

(Try that at an American PC-nazi university! No offence!)

Hang in there, Dutchy. It'll get better, promise............

[Dutchy]

Thanks for that V!!

I know what you mean, it takes time to adjust. It's just so strange when you know no-one and even the ones you are getting to know are constantly busy with their lectures and friends (hence the feeling left out feeling). I am trying to get into groups, being nice to the people I live with and all that. But for some strange reason I want more. I feel this need for everyone to really like me.....its a real psychological thing I suppose.

This first year is a really big group. People doing "Accounting, Business Finance and Management" (I'm signed up for that), Management, and Management Systems are all in one big lecture room (180 people). We all take the same modules in the first year. I just went to my first lecture and feel overwhelmed already. The guy spoke so fast and everything was so new.

The hall I'm in is just for a year. After that we have to find our own places to live. I am trying to find people to do that with but of course thats really difficult if you've only known most of them for 2 weeks (and some only a week!). I suppose I wished the people I lived with were more open to me to begin with. Being international myself I know how other people felt when they arrived at the schools I'd already been a couple years and therefore I welcomed them and made them feel comfortable....I guess I expected too much.

All in all, I expected things to be different....lectures where everyone knew eachother, friends made quickly, and house mates that would be your friends and support during your time at uni (at least the first terms).

Anyway, thats my little ramble. I suppose I need to give it time, but for now, it looks like a giant tunnel with no light!

Thanks for your support guys, really appreciate it.

All the best,

Floris

[Victoria]

Thanks for that V!!

I know what you mean, it takes time to adjust. It's just so strange when you know no-one and even the ones you are getting to know are constantly busy with their lectures and friends (hence the feeling left out feeling). I am trying to get into groups, being nice to the people I live with and all that. But for some strange reason I want more. I feel this need for everyone to really like me.....its a real psychological thing I suppose.

Of course. All of us have that inside, to some extent. Some will never be centered, and will forever have a gnawing desire to be accepted sooner than later, by those around them. Shy people are especially prone to this.

This first year is a really big group. People doing "Accounting, Business Finance and Management" (I'm signed up for that), Management, and Management Systems are all in one big lecture room (180 people). We all take the same modules in the first year. I just went to my first lecture and feel overwhelmed already. The guy spoke so fast and everything was so new.

Oh God, Business...look, you could've read Architecture, or Philosophy, two exceedingly cut-throat subjects in academia ANYWHERE, not just Britain. Those are the worst, IMHO.

But Business is very tough. The profs and your mates go after you in ways that seem personal. Sometimes that's true, but they're just testing your mettle, what you're made of, how you will react in pressure cooker situations in real life. Always be aware that it's not personal.

I had the same in History, where every tutorial seems a battleground of personal pain, being peppered with questions no matter how well-prepared you are, often are torn down into shreds by those around you.

I was born arrogant, but even I cried when I got to digs, Dutchy. Don't worry about it. It changes. Second year is better.

The hall I'm in is just for a year.

That is the case anywhere in any British Uni, which freaks out Americans reading these stories since they usually have housing during their whole 4 years, in dorms, at least on paper.

After 2 weeks, there is NO way anyone is going to commit to you for next year. I wouldn't even try until Hilary term, or whatever you call the January term at York.

I guess I expected too much.

I know there is an International Students Centre there, with staff to help out, not only about practical matters but emotional counsel. Haven't you tried to see if you can have an 'eart-to-'eart with someone there?

All in all, I expected things to be different....lectures where everyone knew eachother, friends made quickly, and house mates that would be your friends and support during your time at uni (at least the first terms).

Noooo. Even if you had arrived a month earlier, I mean theoretically, I don't think that would've been the case.

Uni isn't school, where you know the same faces for 4 years or so. I know you know, but it bears repeating.

It's a completely different set of rules and much more adult, which once you get the hang of it, you will appreciate. It's fantastic being treated as a human being in your own right, not as a child who needs rules and parametres at every step.

Anyway, thats my little ramble. I suppose I need to give it time, but for now, it looks like a giant tunnel with no light!

This is a morbid way to end, but now you know why young people commit suicide at higher rates than others. Because they don't have enough experience to see the full picture in life yet.

The full picture is this -- life at Uni in the UK takes a good 2-3 months to adjust to. 1 year to get a hang of. 2 years to settle in. And 3 years to master.

Then you graduate.

[Pugwash]

Congratulations on starting Uni, but be wary of middle-class advice on how to survive in the North of England.

Single-malt? Prepare to be laughed at. If you're going for the booze angle, student booze is the king. Two litre plastic bottles of Yorkshire Bitter and Lager are all you'd ever need, maybe with Merrydown Cider if you want to be seen as having a bit of class.

Oh, and don't look depressed. It's a sign of weakness.

ps. Dude, you look ... aww, you know.

[cornerstone]

Single-malt? Prepare to be laughed at.

Yup, that's what I said earlier. 18 year olds aren't in the habit of gathering over single malts. That said, I hear students have moved on from 2 litre plastic bottles of cider and bedsits - they now do it tough on laptops, mobile phones, WIFI and Magners over ice instead...

And really you don't have to try especially hard nor appear to try hard - just talk to people, jeez. Being from overseas makes you interesting. Liking mayonnaise on your chips makes you a freak, but it makes you an interesting freak for example.

@vbarrett: Philosophy and history are tough?! Arts students crack me up....

[Victoria]

Oh, and don't look depressed. It's a sign of weakness.

Never mind all this middle-class or lager lout business, Pugwash. This is the best advice so far in this thread for Dutchy.

I was trying to put it a little more...well, kindly.

But this is it in a nutshell. Dutchy, we British prey on the weak, because we're born bullies, for all our love of the underdog. If you're not quick on your feet, and can give as good as you get, you're soon dismissed as the worst of all things -- a bore, and a weak bore at that.

So as my old Head used to say, "Shoulders back, girls, and head high!". Suffer inside, but never let them see you're hurting.

Right, enough Agony Aunty for today. I'm off for a cider! And when I say cider, I mean champers of course.

[Dutchy]

Hey guys! Had my first 4 lectures today. They were quite interesting and although seminars dont begin until week 4 (this is week 2), I felt like it could be good fun. By the way, I dont walk around depressed at all, I talk to everyone, ask them about their days, etc. It's when I get some alone time that the homsickness kicks in a little....I just need a routine!!

Anyway, I know the world is tough, it just takes getting used to a bit. Once lectures REALLY begin and are mixed with seminars and the societies really take off (I'm doing the Entrepreneurs Society and the student newspaper) then I'll feel much better I reckon.

The reason I mentioned the tunnel ....it was a complete metaphor....not to be taken as a huge depressing notion. I should have repreated the phrase that I felt overwhelmed.

Anyway, thanks again!

Going to watch a quick movie now, maybe go upstairs a bit later to see what people are doing and then off to bed for an early start at lectures tomorrow (no seminars means nothing on thursday and friday for me, so into the city to enjoy some true starbucks, haha.....and maybe another glimpse at the minster!)

[docblackrock]

@vbarrett: Philosophy and history are tough?! Arts students crack me up....

What do you say to an Arts graduate with a job?

Big Mac and fries, please....

Here all week

[Pugwash]

Here all week

Tip Waitress, etc.