A man's driving along when he's pulled over by a cop.
The cop approaches him and asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?"
"Nah, why?" replies the man.
"Have I got a fat chick in my car?"
A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving all over the road. Eventually a cop pulls him over.
"Did you know," says the cop, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
A five-year-old boy was mowing his front lawn and drinking a
beer. The preacher who lived across the street saw the beer
and came over to talk to the kid.
"Aren't you a little young
to be drinking, son?" he asked.
"That's nothing," the kid said after taking a swig of beer.
"I got laid when I was three."
"What? How did that happen?"
"I don't remember. I was drunk."
A man was lying in bed after sex with a new date.
She spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles.
As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her...
"Why do you love doing that?"
"Because ..." She Replied ..."I Really Miss Mine"