spider87 Posted February 20, 2009 Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 Ok so here's what happened... I'm getting fed up with my groomsmen not being fitted and stuff though I've offered to take most of them to the place myself to get fitted. So today I sent out a text, partially to weed some of the guys who will flake out and to get them moving also, that said "For the sake of counting for groomsmen gifts I need to know how many of you are fitted I need a response by monday because this needs action" I got responses back but the one said "I can't afford the tux".... What do I do with this guy? I don't want to say "If you can't afford it you can't be a groomsmen" because that sounds awful but I also can't offer to pay for it for him AND you can't really get a tux for under $100 anyway for a rental right? So what do I do? How do I let this guy off easy? Or is ther some other option? On another note if the douche would have gone when I first mentioned it he could have put $40 down and made payments however it's a bit late for that now... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steppen Posted February 20, 2009 Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 he cant afford to rent a tux? worst excuse ever. ditch him, not much of a friend if he cant make the effort financially and otherwise to make an important day for you go smoothly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ammandel Posted February 20, 2009 Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 To be fair, OP did say he was 19 in another thread. Not too odd for individuals of that age to be a little strapped of cash at times! (Assuming individual in question is of similar age). You could always pay for the rental for him and have him pay you back? Depends if hes one of those friends or not of course! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spider87 Posted February 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 (edited) lol well as you said we 19 y/o's are pretty strapped. I CAN pay for him but that would hinder my resources that could go to more important things for the wedding like helping with a cake or with flower costs or something. The other thing is I could see 3/6 of the guys I chose being in the same situation (2 haven't replied yet) so if I were to pay for this guy's I would have to pay for the other 2 probably also or at least be made to feel bad when they buy their own. Then that get's to be like $600 (for 4 tuxes of course)...and there's some nice reps I could buy with that $450 that I would spend on them haha i keed.... I was thinking of telling him to try, if he can, to find one cheaper but like I said the problem there is if he gets one even same color and stuff chances are it won't look like the rest of ours so looking at us standing there (not that I'm worried about it but I know how it feels to be the only one out of dress) he would stick out like a sore thumb and probably be embarrassed. Edited February 20, 2009 by spider87 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spider87 Posted February 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 (edited) On a side note about the cost it's $156 for the tux and I've offered them all many outs (I have 6 some people need to go) but no one is taking it I've sent out notices like "Ok I know the cost is a lot so if you can't afford it no biggy just let me know you can still come to the wedding but I just need to know how many groomsmen I have for sure" and get 6 responses within a few hours "I'm in man!" when I know half of them are probably going to flake but I don't know how to nicely kick people out lol I mean obviously they're all good good friends so what do I say? Other than, OH yEAH? well if you're not fitted then I'll kick your ass YOU b***h!!! Well I know Muai Tai, Brazillian Ju Jitzu, and a little thing I like to call "i nailed your mom". I'm so bad ass, there isn't one little kid in any of my karate classes that even wants to spar with me cause i UNLEASH THE FURY! Yeah I've got a small penis and nobody likes me, but I drive a porsche worth more than your LIFE so f**k you! Like the other day, I was walking down the street and this little old lady told me she liked my watch, so I said, "What f**k you! It's not fake!" So I went into karate mode and SCISSOR KICKED HER IN THE FACE! *WHAM BAM* Then I pulled her up by her hair but her wig came off, turns out she was bald! *GROSS* f***... old people. Then I picked her up by the ears and kneed her in the face muai tai style! *BLADOW* And I was like "That's what you get for walking so slow b***h! AND THERE'S NO WAY YOU COULD KNOW MY WATCH IS FAKE, CAUSE IT'S NOT, IT'S A MODDED MBW SUPER DUPER ULTIMATE SUB, AND IT'S REAL! REAL I SAY! IT USES THE SAME MOVEMENT MOST REAL WATCHES DO ANYWAY, IT'S SWISS ETA, IT'S A DIVISION OF SWATCH, PLUS I BOUGHT IT FOR A GOOD VALUE, NOT CAUSE I CAN'T AFFORD A REAL ONE CAUSE I SPENT ALL MY MONEY ON KARATE CLASSES, SO f**k YOU! OH, AND I DRIVE A PORSCHE WORTH MORE THAN YOUR GRANDCHILDREN!" *KAZAAM* Yeah, I showed her what's what. That's the last time she'll be calling me out on my watch. But I gtg, I'm late for yoga class WHERE I PICK UP CHICKS LIKE YOUR MOM! AMERICA!!! f**k YEAH!!!* Lol sorry joke from RWI I'm sure some of you saw it :-P Edited February 20, 2009 by spider87 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonthebhoy Posted February 20, 2009 Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 get him one of those t-shirts that looks like a tux! Easy peasy lemon squeezy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spider87 Posted February 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 get him one of those t-shirts that looks like a tux! Easy peasy lemon squeezy! lol he might be able to afford one of those :-P I don't think the STBM (Soon To Be Mrs) would approve however haha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ammandel Posted February 20, 2009 Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 if 3/6 of them are gonna be in the situation, just change it so that the groomsmen arent overly dressy.. and just wearing suits with coordinated shirt/ties!? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spider87 Posted February 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 Problem is 3 of us already have down pays on the tuxes 4 of them haven't gotten them yet 1 is going soon then there is the 3 that can't afford it.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maxman Posted February 20, 2009 Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 On a side note about the cost it's $156 for the tux and I've offered them all many outs (I have 6 some people need to go) but no one is taking it I've sent out notices like "Ok I know the cost is a lot so if you can't afford it no biggy just let me know you can still come to the wedding but I just need to know how many groomsmen I have for sure" and get 6 responses within a few hours "I'm in man!" when I know half of them are probably going to flake but I don't know how to nicely kick people out lol I mean obviously they're all good good friends so what do I say? Other than, OH yEAH? well if you're not fitted then I'll kick your ass YOU b***h!!! Well I know Muai Tai, Brazillian Ju Jitzu, and a little thing I like to call "i nailed your mom". I'm so bad ass, there isn't one little kid in any of my karate classes that even wants to spar with me cause i UNLEASH THE FURY! Yeah I've got a small penis and nobody likes me, but I drive a porsche worth more than your LIFE so f**k you! Like the other day, I was walking down the street and this little old lady told me she liked my watch, so I said, "What f**k you! It's not fake!" So I went into karate mode and SCISSOR KICKED HER IN THE FACE! *WHAM BAM* Then I pulled her up by her hair but her wig came off, turns out she was bald! *GROSS* f***... old people. Then I picked her up by the ears and kneed her in the face muai tai style! *BLADOW* And I was like "That's what you get for walking so slow b***h! AND THERE'S NO WAY YOU COULD KNOW MY WATCH IS FAKE, CAUSE IT'S NOT, IT'S A MODDED MBW SUPER DUPER ULTIMATE SUB, AND IT'S REAL! REAL I SAY! IT USES THE SAME MOVEMENT MOST REAL WATCHES DO ANYWAY, IT'S SWISS ETA, IT'S A DIVISION OF SWATCH, PLUS I BOUGHT IT FOR A GOOD VALUE, NOT CAUSE I CAN'T AFFORD A REAL ONE CAUSE I SPENT ALL MY MONEY ON KARATE CLASSES, SO f**k YOU! OH, AND I DRIVE A PORSCHE WORTH MORE THAN YOUR GRANDCHILDREN!" *KAZAAM* Yeah, I showed her what's what. That's the last time she'll be calling me out on my watch. But I gtg, I'm late for yoga class WHERE I PICK UP CHICKS LIKE YOUR MOM! AMERICA!!! f**k YEAH!!!* Lol sorry joke from RWI I'm sure some of you saw it :-P It's stories like this that restore my faith in humanity Very touching Thanks for sharing Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maxman Posted February 20, 2009 Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 get him one of those t-shirts that looks like a tux! Easy peasy lemon squeezy! Nothing wrong with that. Those shirts are the Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andreww Posted February 20, 2009 Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 Never really understood why people invest so much in to a wedding if they cant afford it. I hate all that crap. When my wife and I tied the knot we had no groomsmen or bridesmaids. Simply my brother was my best man and her sister was her maid of honor. I bought a nice suit, my wife bought a dress, but we asked nobody else to buy anything. We invited all our friends to the ceremony but the reception was for family and only the closest of friends. I've been to many large weddings, but to a man, everyone said that our intimate wedding was their favorite. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeeJay Posted February 20, 2009 Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 is there anyway you could get the cash on the suits back? If you can, you could always scale down the groomsman's outfits, so no loss of dignity all round. Failing that, just send out an email explaining the situation and requesting clarification. At the end of the day, it's your wedding, and you need them to step up, or step back. That way, you don't have to tell someone that they can't attend unless, and they won't feel obliged to come if they know finances can't stretch... Best of luck with getting things taken care of Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spider87 Posted February 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 Never really understood why people invest so much in to a wedding if they cant afford it. I hate all that crap. When my wife and I tied the knot we had no groomsmen or bridesmaids. Simply my brother was my best man and her sister was her maid of honor. I bought a nice suit, my wife bought a dress, but we asked nobody else to buy anything. We invited all our friends to the ceremony but the reception was for family and only the closest of friends. I've been to many large weddings, but to a man, everyone said that our intimate wedding was their favorite. lol I'm seeing this as a rant aimed at me partially well the thing is I let her in charge of organizing it and her dad also (who has money) so he is paying for almost everything. But my point is I would rather not spend my hard earned money on a tux for someone else. @TeeJay I was hoping for some input from you as you just went through this we can't get the money back my only thought is to in a week or so send a more serious message to everyone saying if they haven't been fitted and don't feel they can afford it/ want to spend the money on it then that's fine but that they're still invited regardless Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spider87 Posted February 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 Another note, apparently the reason the one that said he can't afford it is because he is in fact RobbieG from that thread long ago.... 90 in a 45 got 3 citations and a $314 fine lol (he's not really robbie but you get the point) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fidestro Posted February 20, 2009 Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 Never really understood why people invest so much in to a wedding if they cant afford it. I hate all that crap. When my wife and I tied the knot we had no groomsmen or bridesmaids. Simply my brother was my best man and her sister was her maid of honor. I bought a nice suit, my wife bought a dress, but we asked nobody else to buy anything. We invited all our friends to the ceremony but the reception was for family and only the closest of friends. I've been to many large weddings, but to a man, everyone said that our intimate wedding was their favorite. I fully agree with this statement. Too many people go way in the hole on the wedding and that is money that is often better used, especially in today's society. My grandfather on my mom's side offered my parents either a big wedding or the equivalent amount of money in a check so that they could run off and do whatever with the money, get married in Vegas if they wanted to. They took the big wedding. My dad said if he had it to do all over he would have took the money and had a much smaller wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spider87 Posted February 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 lol @Fidelstro, if THAT would have been the offer I do believe we'd have taken the check too but the thing is when we told her dad about the wedding and the date we picked he jumped on it right away saying 'well you'll need this' ORDER and this ORDER Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fidestro Posted February 20, 2009 Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 lol @Fidelstro, if THAT would have been the offer I do believe we'd have taken the check too but the thing is when we told her dad about the wedding and the date we picked he jumped on it right away saying 'well you'll need this' ORDER and this ORDER Holy [censored], her father sounds high maintenance enough, I can only imagine what she is like. God bless you child, you may need it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spider87 Posted February 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 Holy [censored], her father sounds high maintenance enough, I can only imagine what she is like. God bless you child, you may need it. lol He's actually a really cool, calm and fun guy. He just likes to spoil his little girls and takes good care of her and her 2 sisters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mardo Posted February 20, 2009 Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 Tell him to wear a suit, make him an usher and have him seat people and hand out programs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeeJay Posted February 20, 2009 Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 TeeJay I was hoping for some input from you as you just went through this we can't get the money back my only thought is to in a week or so send a more serious message to everyone saying if they haven't been fitted and don't feel they can afford it/ want to spend the money on it then that's fine but that they're still invited regardless If you can't get the money back, then I think the only option is to send a serious message along the lines of.... "So that plans can be finalized, we need to know precisely how many guests/groomsmen there will be. The dress code for the groomsmen is (insert garments of choice here) if this would be financially impractical, then please let me know... This will not affect anyone's invitation, but it is necessary so we can know who will be a guest, and who will be a groomsman..." For my best men, I just told them to wear black suits and white shirts, and purchased the matching ties for myself. I hadn't been expecting Emily's step-dad to be 'following the code', but indeed, he chose to. I was originally going to wear a matching tie myself, but, at the last minute, changed my mind for the tie I wore, as the subtle difference between the ties allowed me to coordinate with my best men, but still stand apart, as the groom. I actually bought a suit for one of my best men (I believe traditionally, it is the groom's responsibility to pay for his best men's clothing, as I remember reading somewhere online once a traditional breakdown who was meant to pay for what...) If you think your bro's going to flake on you, it's better to apply a little pressure now, and have him step back now, rather than be planning on him taking part as a groomsman, but having him back out at the last minute... It's just a case of putting it in a polite manner. I had to chase up a few people for if they were coming to the reception, and, although it turned out that they couldn't attend, had I not chased them up, they would not have sent a 'decline' message back to me, and we would have still catered for them. At the end of the day, if anyone gets offended by the question, just point out that you need to know numbers for everything from catering, to seating arrangements, so can simply explain that it is a matter of organization, rather than ostracization... As you might've seen from my album, I had two best men on the day (I should've had three, but one had to pull out due to a last minute injury). Andrew has been my best friend for 20 years, and now lives in Tokyo. He couldn't stay long enough to attend the reception, where Matt was staying with us for the week, and did attend the reception, so the way we had it, was Andrew being the best man on the day of the wedding (bringing up the rings etc), and Matt then being the best man on the day of the reception. Maybe you could do something like that to allow someone who can't afford the wardrobe, to still play a role [Edit to add] As Mardo said, tell him to wear a suit, but make sure that his colors still match the colors of the other groomsmen, that way, although it might not be clear if he's a groomsman or not, it will still be clear that he's wearing 'the uniform' with an official capacity Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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