Watch Jokes

[Nanuq]

Okay I'll go first...

A very handsome and even more confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch.

The woman notices this and can't help but ask, "Is your date running late?"

"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."

The woman is intrigued and asks, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.

"What's it telling you now?"

"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..."

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then, because I am wearing panties!"

The man taps the watch and says, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

[KB]

Damn Bob can type fast.............so much for my joke

Ken

[nxuan]

Okay I'll go again.

A gentleman walks through a crowded airport terminal lugging a heavy suitcase that he drops with a thud. Holding his arm up at an angle, he pulls a pen shaped stylus from his pocket and begins to do something mysterious with his wristwatch. A man sitting nearby is interested in what's happening, but simply observes quietly, all the while wondering what is going on.

The gentleman quietly taps the thin watch, and it begins to radiate colored light. He taps the screen to read some email, grumbles beneath his breath at his connection speed, then cruises the web for flight arrival times. By this point the observer is fascinated. Rising to his feet, he strolls past, glancing at the marvel of engineering on the gentleman's wrist.

A waiter from a nearby kiosk asks the obviously well-known gentleman for local restaurant wait lists. The gentleman holds up the watch and taps in the air. The terminal lights dim. “Bluetooth” he states, rather quietly. He points the watch at the nearest TV screen with flight arrivals, all of a sudden his face appears on the screen as seen from the watch. “Attention,” and a crowd gathers to watch. The gentleman speaks to the watch, “I want to see all good dining establishments within a 10-mile radius” A colorful map appears on the TV, and zooms to the nearby hotel district where icons are lit with people dining. “Locality by GPS” He taps an icon on the watch and a telecast from a kitchen cam comes up. “WiFi” In comes a call, so the gentleman excuses himself, flips the watch over, and briefly holds a video conference call while the gathering crowd studies the map. “Hold a second,” he flips the watch over and speaks, “print six copies of the map from here”. The Fax machine at the nearest arrivals desk whirs to life, printing the map with directions. The crowd gasps as he flips the watch back over and finishes his call, flips it back and taps the TV icon to switch to nearby traffic cams, with an overlay of the weather channel. He mixes in some background XM satellite music “for a relaxing driving experience.”

People start asking excitedly if he has any more watches like that for sale? The casual observer can stand it no more, and pulls out his checkbook. Pushing through the crowd he excitedly exclaims “I’ll write you a check right now, how much do you want for it?” The gentleman says, “Well you see, this is the only one I ever made. It still has a few bugs..." but the observer will not be disuaded. "Name your price. Right here, right now. I MUST have that watch!" The gentleman thinks out loud... "well, with materials and R&D expenses, I supposed fifteen thousand dollars would be in the ballpark...” and before he is finished speaking the observer tears off the completed check and grabs his new watch. Trembling with anticipation he begins walking off with his new acquisition.

The gentleman calls after him, “Excuse me, you forgot something. It’s part of the deal” and points down at his suitcase.

“Well what in the world is that for? I have no need of luggage!”

Says the gentleman, “those are the batteries.”

Good one. 15 grands is still a bargain.

Perhaps, one day our grand children will use such watch.

[jonthebhoy]

Did you hear that Mickey Mouse got a George Bush watch for his birthday?

JTB