PeteM Posted May 2, 2013 Report Share Posted May 2, 2013 These are classified ads which were placed in U.K. Newspapers: FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites! ___________________________________________ FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog. ________________________________________________ FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.. _______________________________________________________ COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale. ________________________________________________________ JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer £100. _____________________________________________________________ WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE . Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie. ___________________________________________________________ FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything. (Statement of the Century) ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ Children Are Quick TEACHER: Why are you late? STUDENT: Class started before I got here. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your maths multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. (I Love this child) ____________________________________________ TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. __________________________________ TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. _______________________________________ TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I ' MILLIE: I is.. TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.' MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' ________________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand...... ______________________________________ TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ______________________________ TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog. (I want to adopt this kid!!!) ___________________________________ TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher __________________________________Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sgtguk Posted May 2, 2013 Report Share Posted May 2, 2013 Priceless Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
docthor Posted May 2, 2013 Report Share Posted May 2, 2013 loooooooooooool... ...I love it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike on a bike Posted May 2, 2013 Report Share Posted May 2, 2013 Great stuff Pete ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikki6 Posted May 2, 2013 Report Share Posted May 2, 2013 Hahahaha, I love those!! Kinda like the ad that was doing the rounds on the bike forums a few years back: For Sale GSXR1000 blue/white 250 miles, full history reason for selling, apparently "Do whatever the fuck you want" doesn't mean what I used to think it did! Sixx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martijnp Posted May 2, 2013 Report Share Posted May 2, 2013 Priceless! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hiker01 Posted May 2, 2013 Report Share Posted May 2, 2013 Hahahaha, I love those!! Kinda like the ad that was doing the rounds on the bike forums a few years back: For Sale GSXR1000 blue/white 250 miles, full history reason for selling, apparently "Do whatever the [censored] you want" doesn't mean what I used to think it did! Sixx First off.....that was great read Pete....made my morning better! Stu....if that Bike is here, I'll get it off your hands! Any pictures??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
w0lf Posted May 2, 2013 Report Share Posted May 2, 2013 Moar! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikki6 Posted May 2, 2013 Report Share Posted May 2, 2013 It was a good while ago F, like when I could still see while ago! Sixx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laurent965 Posted May 2, 2013 Report Share Posted May 2, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major_Error Posted May 3, 2013 Report Share Posted May 3, 2013 [bOLD] 8-D [bold] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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