Being British

[Johnkaz]

Here is one I borrowed from elsewhere it may in part apply to none Brits but there are some strange traits.

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most British thing of all?...Suspicion of all things foreign!

Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating

rink.

NOT TO MENTION..

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.

and finally...

In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet

Cheers Johnkaz. :laugh:

[Pugwash]

Here is one I borrowed from elsewhere it may in part apply to none Brits but there are some strange traits.

I've read the "deaths" section of this attributed to the Irish, to Australias, kiwis and to anyone else you care to find. It seems we like laughing at ourselves. Is there any truth behind any of it though?

[Pugwash]

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

2005 mortality statistics:

W87 - Exposure to unspecified electric - M: 11 - F: 0

This means 1 in 4 electrical deaths are caused by a nine-volt battery accidental suicide?

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

2005 mortality statistics:

W25 - Contact with sharp glass - M: 2 - F: 0

www.statistics.gov.uk

[Dutchy]

2005 mortality statistics:

W87 - Exposure to unspecified electric - M: 11 - F: 0

This means 1 in 4 electrical deaths are caused by a nine-volt battery accidental suicide?

2005 mortality statistics:

W25 - Contact with sharp glass - M: 2 - F: 0

www.statistics.gov.uk

So females don't have the guts to try it ey?

[Pugwash]

So females don't have the guts to try it ey?

[Victoria]

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.

and finally...

In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet

Cheers Johnkaz.

They don't call it the DARWIN Award for nothing.

[section8]

Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating

rink.

I would respectively submit that all of these things happen here in America too

[Pugwash]

I would respectively submit that all of these things happen here in America too

This joke was originally written about America. Some of the 'observations' don't actually make sense in Britain.

For instance, our ambulances are fast and pizzas are slow, we don't sell prescriptions in supermarkets and we use sheds instead of garages for lawn mowers.

[sssurfer]

Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

That's a blatant lie. Try it at the very country that created pizza.

[KB]

So females don't have the guts to try it ey?

Ok this made me laugh.

Ken

[Dutchy]

Ok this made me laugh.

Ken

A job well done then mate!

[POTR]

YeSSS, Pizza Margherita, rapidly burnt in a wood-fired stone oven is my favorite...

Yeppurs Pug, I remember seeing this at least 15 years ago... back when 3D animated Ford commercials were still "cool" to pay for the download time to watch for some people (America [n idiots] On-Line). (Pretty sure the "Curry and Kebabs was originally something Chinese and Greek)

Uhuh... Section 8

Ah Victoria, thanks for the reminder of how fitting it is that Darwin should grace the title of an award for Idiocy.

[ratchpot]

we don't sell prescriptions in supermarkets

Many of the larger Sainsbury's have a pharmacy at the back of the store.

[Guest Bluey]

Britain is a great place to live. Disparaging it does not not serve you well my friend.

In Britain we have

Free Education

Free Health

A populace that

(a) don't hoard big guns for 'protection'

( know that Europe is not the capital of Paris

© will make you tea if asked nicely.

So back off, or Mr Brown will ask nicely (that you do)

[Pugwash]

Disparaging it does not not serve you well my friend.

You may not have noticed the original poster was from Yorkshire.

[Guest Bluey]

I love Yorkshire. Being a townie all I ever see is lamp posts.

I want to roll in the dales like they let me that time on day release.

[chronology1066]

I get the best of both, I work in the South and come home to the North. I suspect that since these are British stats so I am wondering about the breakdown of the other nations here (Scotland, N.I. and the place that think that a sheep tied to a stake is an adventure playground)

[milsub5517]

I think that the same can be said about USA as well...

Being American is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most British thing of all?...Suspicion of all things foreign!

Only in USA do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in USA do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke. <--- USA is really where it all started!

Edited December 24, 2007 by mil_sub

[Daytona4me]

I think that the same can be said about USA as well...

Being American is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most British thing of all?...Suspicion of all things foreign!

Only in USA do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in USA do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

very funny!

But of course this makes us extremely intollerant to other cultures, at least this is what I was told by my Greek and Lebanese neighbors.

Edited December 23, 2007 by Daytona4me

[milsub5517]

i do not understand this.. did we forget history all of the sudden? We all ARE foreigners here in the states (unless you are native american, which i dont think you are).

very funny!

But of course this makes us extremely intollerant to other cultures, at least this is what I was told by my Greek and Lebanese neighbors.

[Victoria]

i do not understand this.. did we forget history all of the sudden? We all ARE foreigners here in the states (unless you are native american, which i dont think you are).

Ahem, since a self-deprecating thread has gone south comedy-wise, something I'd never thought I'd see the British do, allow me to pedantically say that even Native Americans are foreigners here. Their forebears crossed the Bering Straits.

Quick, someone quote Groucho Marx!

[Daytona4me]

i do not understand this.. did we forget history all of the sudden? We all ARE foreigners here in the states (unless you are native american, which i dont think you are).

Yes, this is exactly what I said in my post...

I mentioned.. native americans.. and... history... and... uhh... everyone being foreigners.... which means...

uhh.... something sarcastic...about having neighbors who are Greek and Lebanese ... because having neighbors like mine...

means.... uhh.. I'm intollerant to other cultures... more specifically.. native americans.. ... or .. something like that..

.

.

but I've been wrong before..

d4m

[chronology1066]

Weeeellllll, if we are talking pedantic go back about 60,000 years and we are all away from the home country. Wanna know why? Try here The Genographic Project

So, no more talk about foreigners, unless you are living 50Km northwest of City of Johannesburg there is nothing more to say. Thank goodness the world still has the French at least it gives everyone someone to dislike (joke, people, really it's a joke. though you can always try this type "french military victories" (with the quotes) in the Google search field and click on "I'm Feeling Lucky)

[Pugwash]

though you can always try this type "french military victories" (with the quotes) in the Google search field and click on "I'm Feeling Lucky)

Does that Google Bomb still work?

[POTR]

I get the best of both, I work in the South and come home to the North. I suspect that since these are British stats so I am wondering about the breakdown of the other nations here (Scotland, N.I. and the place that think that a sheep tied to a stake is an adventure playground)

These are NOT British stats... they are mostly US, from a long time ago...

Speaking of a long time ago... I had family on all three sides in 1066...