Nanuq Posted November 3, 2012 Report Share Posted November 3, 2012 Thank you Nanuq. Thanks to all of you. If ever you are in Las Vegas, I will buy you a beer. I work in the Venetian, right on the canal with the singing gondoliers. It is much like Venice, without the farm smells. What a mind warp! Imagine a building big enough to have a canal inside it! Gondolas? Like big kayaks? And singing dudes paddling them around? That's just too much. Here, it's all "hush man, don't make any noise so that big bear on the shore doesn't see us go by". What completely different worlds we inhabit. I'd be honored to sample a beer in your honor if I ever get to Las Vegas, though I doubt that will ever happen. But if you're ever in Alaska... hang on tight, it's going to be a 100mph whirlwind the whole time you're here! Don't count on any sleep, this is life in the last frontier and it comes in great big chunks. Thanks again for passing along that great news! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woof* Posted November 3, 2012 Report Share Posted November 3, 2012 I have been following this thread for awhile. That's wonderful news Hambone! I got to spend a few weeks with my Dad before he passed. It was really good for both of us, setting things straight and righting wrongs. But most of all I look back on it with warm feelings now and no regrets. I thank God it was possible for me to be able to do that. Congrats on your fathers new health and thanks for the update. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hambone Posted November 3, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 3, 2012 Bless your Dad's soul Woof. You are indeed a lucky man to have been able to spend that short time with your Father.For better or worse, our Dad's must be honored. We owe our existence to them. Nanuq.. I may very well take you up on your hospitality. I grew up in Hawaii and have always wanted to go to Alaska. It is awesomely beautiful up there. Yes, the Casino/hotel where I work is an indoor replica of Venice with gondolas. They are however, operated with electric motors controlled by a couple foor controls. The gondoliers use the long rudder pole as a steering device/showpiece. Everyday I hear the strains of "Volare" echoing through the mall. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maxman Posted November 3, 2012 Report Share Posted November 3, 2012 So nice to hear that your father Is doing so much better Eric. Having him live with you sounds like a very good Idea. Just might help renew your relationship with him. I wish you both the very best Eric. As far as his cane go's....don't forget to duck. Best wishes. Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cats Posted November 8, 2012 Report Share Posted November 8, 2012 Hambone, That's great news. Enjoy the presence of your father in your home to the max. Carpe Diem Cats Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hambone Posted November 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 19, 2012 After being told my Dad had a 1% chance of ever walking out of the hospital, he is in my house, on the second floor, and doing great. I love the old guy. He is my Dad. As I mentioned, he never remembered my birthdays, or my kid's , who are now 26 and 22, live in my home, pay nothing,hardly even cleanup or seem grateful that they have had a free ride. I was on my own since 14, living in Waikiki selling art. Well, they are in Japan, coming back in a couple of days, and they have sent me very hurtful, hateful emails, about how enraged they are that he is here. I guess I spoiled them to much. His neglect and my ex wifes venom for my side of the family has effected them. I tried to reason that they exist because of him. He is a kindly old guy now of 80, and knows how neglectful he has been. Tried to explain to them that all I am trying to do is the right thing. It bewilders me that my two kids, who I would die for and have done everything within my power to provide them with better lives than I had could be so callous. I could say more but that's enough. This has been the saddest odyssey of my life. This is my Dad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cornerstone Posted November 19, 2012 Report Share Posted November 19, 2012 Sorry to hear about the maelstrom. Families....all part of the fun. I'm sure the ice will thaw when they get back. They're young, and if they have never lost someone close to them, perhaps that sad lesson in life is still to come - it's not a fun lesson, so hopefully put off as long as possible! By the time I was their age, my own father was long since dead. Whatever the justifications or rationale, some things in life just transcend that - they go above "being pissed off" or retribution. I think caring for an elderly parent is one of those things. Hope you manage to smooth it over. As long as there isn't some high pressure family event coming up like Thanksg....aw shit..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nanuq Posted November 19, 2012 Report Share Posted November 19, 2012 It's nice to have a face for Mister Hambone, the Elder. He looks like a fine houseguest to me. Thanks for letting us be part of this odyssey Mister Hambone the Younger. Move Dad into the kids' rooms and move the ungrateful wretches kids out to the garage. There's a small dose of reality that will reap great rewards. Oh, and submit a bill to them for the Japan plane tickets. Your job is not to be their best friend, your job is to raise them into strong thinking people. Hang in there, it will be a blessed time having Sr. Hambone home with you. Treasure it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maxman Posted November 19, 2012 Report Share Posted November 19, 2012 Thanks for the update Eric. Your dad looks pretty dam good when you consider what he's been through. I have my thoughts on your kids. But I will bite my tongue because they are still your kids. Hang In there Mr Hambone....you're doing very well considering the circumstances. Best wishes. A little levity never hurts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hambone Posted November 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 19, 2012 Kitos is Finnish for thank you. And you guys are true friends. Thanks so much. I dont know where to turn with this anguish. I just told my Dad, about their feelings and he was bewildered , sad, and asked "What kind of stupid sh*t is that?" my sentiments -up.jpg] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hambone Posted November 24, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 24, 2012 My Son and Daughter returned from Japan yesterday and made it clear that they will not speak to their Grandpa. Am I to weak or just trying to keep the peace with my family who I love dearly. It is utterly incomprehensible to me that my kids who still live with me cannot forgive my Father, who did nothing more than be non communicative.. In one day my Dear Dad has gone from jovial and happy, to small, fragile and sad because of my kid's. He hides in his room. Good God!! What can I do my friends?? I am just a bit torn up about all this.My instincts are to throw them out, but I fear they will hate me for choosing their old Grandpa over them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mch2112 Posted November 24, 2012 Report Share Posted November 24, 2012 My Son and Daughter returned from Japan yesterday and made it clear that they will not speak to their Grandpa. Am I to weak or just trying to keep the peace with my family who I love dearly. It is utterly incomprehensible to me that my kids who still live with me cannot forgive my Father, who did nothing more than be non communicative.. In one day my Dear Dad has gone from jovial and happy, to small, fragile and sad because of my kid's. He hides in his room. Good God!! What can I do my friends?? I am just a bit torn up about all this.My instincts are to throw them out, but I fear they will hate me for choosing their old Grandpa over them. Crappy situation but seems IMO that your instincts are right. You've got a short time left with him, you can't compromise that. Maybe send the kids to a motel where they can reflect on their attitudes and start thinking like grownups. However it plays out, I hope it goes as well as possible given the circumstances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maxman Posted November 24, 2012 Report Share Posted November 24, 2012 Kitos is Finnish for thank you. And you guys are true friends. Thanks so much. I dont know where to turn with this anguish. I just told my Dad, about their feelings and he was bewildered , sad, and asked "What kind of stupid sh*t is that?" my sentiments -up.jpg] How about a not so nice pot of shut the [censored] up. I have always loved that saying. Use to be my signature a few years back. Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cornerstone Posted November 24, 2012 Report Share Posted November 24, 2012 I'd just make sure they all have to spend time together around a table. There's a point at which not speaking with someone becomes silly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeeJay Posted November 24, 2012 Report Share Posted November 24, 2012 Really sorry to hear of this situation, my friend As mentioned above, families are funny things... Family is very important to me, it is the central theme to the bodysuit which I have planned, and every major blood relative (including inlaws, a step-cousin and my four best friends) is having an individual reference. However. I have a cousin who, despite listing myself and my wife as cousins on facebook, hides all her posts from us so we cannot see them/comment upon them... As a result, we've done likewise, and I'm happy to simply ignore her, although of course, she still gets the place in the suit, as family is Family... Equally, I have an uncle who took umbrage when I befriended one of his exes, and warned me what a toxic individual they are. While I would agree that they are a very selfish, self-indulgent and pretentious individual, I would not say they were actually 'malicious', just misguided. When he and my step-aunt then re-friended this individual, I was offended by their hypocrisy, but remained silent on the subject. For several years, my brother in law and father in law were estranged, and he and I never even spoke. More recently, bridges have been rebuilt, and while we're not best friends, I can at least say I have a brother in law, without adding "who's an asshole..." afterwards... I guess all I'm trying to say, is as hostile as your kids might be at the moment towards their granddad, in time, they will come to understand your actions. As above, maybe put them up in a motel till bridges can be rebuilt, if them being in the home would cause tension, but make it clear that you're not kicking them out, simply trying to do best for all. Whatever beefs they may have with their granddad should be conquerable, it's just a case of going about it the right way 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hambone Posted November 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 25, 2012 Really sorry to hear of this situation, my friend As mentioned above, families are funny things... Family is very important to me, it is the central theme to the bodysuit which I have planned, and every major blood relative (including inlaws, a step-cousin and my four best friends) is having an individual reference. However. I have a cousin who, despite listing myself and my wife as cousins on facebook, hides all her posts from us so we cannot see them/comment upon them... As a result, we've done likewise, and I'm happy to simply ignore her, although of course, she still gets the place in the suit, as family is Family... Equally, I have an uncle who took umbrage when I befriended one of his exes, and warned me what a toxic individual they are. While I would agree that they are a very selfish, self-indulgent and pretentious individual, I would not say they were actually 'malicious', just misguided. When he and my step-aunt then re-friended this individual, I was offended by their hypocrisy, but remained silent on the subject. For several years, my brother in law and father in law were estranged, and he and I never even spoke. More recently, bridges have been rebuilt, and while we're not best friends, I can at least say I have a brother in law, without adding "who's an [censored]..." afterwards... I guess all I'm trying to say, is as hostile as your kids might be at the moment towards their granddad, in time, they will come to understand your actions. As above, maybe put them up in a motel till bridges can be rebuilt, if them being in the home would cause tension, but make it clear that you're not kicking them out, simply trying to do best for all. Whatever beefs they may have with their granddad should be conquerable, it's just a case of going about it the right way Tee Jay, Wise words...My biggest fear is that when My Dad and I are gone from this world, that they will feel much sorrow for their behavior . It's a tough deal for sure. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeeJay Posted November 25, 2012 Report Share Posted November 25, 2012 Tee Jay, Wise words...My biggest fear is that when My Dad and I are gone from this world, that they will feel much sorrow for their behavior . It's a tough deal for sure. If bridges aren't rebuilt, then they will for sure. That said, that may then be what inspires them to greater deeds towards others... Maybe going out for coffee or a meal would enable things to be discussed on neutral territory, which might lead to a way forwards for all, without anyone feeling territorial Best of luck with it all, my friend Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maxman Posted November 25, 2012 Report Share Posted November 25, 2012 Tee Jay, Wise words...My biggest fear is that when My Dad and I are gone from this world, that they will feel much sorrow for their behavior . It's a tough deal for sure. Very true Eric. As people look back In life they can feel much pain about there earlier actions and behavior. I have my own past that I'm not exactly proud of. Time Is the great equalizer. I hope for your kids that they might find some compassion In their hearts for ths sick old man.....regardles of his past. This Is what I hope for you and your family Eric. Best wishes my friend. Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cornerstone Posted November 26, 2012 Report Share Posted November 26, 2012 I think I have the perfect solution Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nanuq Posted November 26, 2012 Report Share Posted November 26, 2012 It's the old "spanking vs tough love" thing. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maxman Posted November 26, 2012 Report Share Posted November 26, 2012 It's the old "spanking vs tough love" thing. 99mph In a 35. Thats going to one nasty ticket. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hambone Posted November 27, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 27, 2012 It's the old "spanking vs tough love" thing. Nanuq, I saw this before, and it just about crippled me with laughter. Today my son announced that he is gay.....How more ridiculous can things get?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nanuq Posted November 27, 2012 Report Share Posted November 27, 2012 Excellent! Remember your job is not to be your kids' best friend, it is to raise them to be strong adults that can care for themselves and the world they're about to inherit. He's started an adult conversation.... keep the ball rolling. Congratulate him on the maturity it took to express that. Tell him you'll always love and accept him, period. That's immutable. Then remind him part of being a mature young man is honoring the rights, feelings and space of those around him, just as he's expecting you to respond to, and honor his announcement. Tell him he will honor the rights, feelings and space of you and your dad, through gritted teeth if necessary. But he WILL do it. That's how grown-ups behave. Welcome to being an adult, young man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hambone Posted November 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 28, 2012 Excellent! Remember your job is not to be your kids' best friend, it is to raise them to be strong adults that can care for themselves and the world they're about to inherit. He's started an adult conversation.... keep the ball rolling. Congratulate him on the maturity it took to express that. Tell him you'll always love and accept him, period. That's immutable. Then remind him part of being a mature young man is honoring the rights, feelings and space of those around him, just as he's expecting you to respond to, and honor his announcement. Tell him he will honor the rights, feelings and space of you and your dad, through gritted teeth if necessary. But he WILL do it. That's how grown-ups behave. Welcome to being an adult, young man. Nanuq. my friend, your words are wise indeed, and that is what I told my son before reading your post. I congratulated him for his courage, and expressed how very important it is to show a degree of respect for his elders.Time heals, of course. Just having the wisdom to know what is right and wrong with regards to family is at times something that has to be experienced .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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