NY-AP-Fox
Department of Homeland Security officials, along
with federal agents arrested an individual today
at New York's Kennedy airport.
The individual, whose name has not been released and was
later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board
a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square,
a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a mid-day press conference shortly after the arrest,
Secretary Of Defense Donald Rumsfeld
along with other top White House & DHS officials
believes the man is a member of the notorious
Al-Gebra movement. He is being
charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math
instruction.
"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult, " Rumsfeld said. They
desire average solutions by means and extremes,
and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of
absolute value.
They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and
refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined they belong to a
common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As
the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every
triangle."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush
said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He
would have given us more fingers and toes."
For more details on this fast-breaking story, stay tuned to your local FOX News channel.