The funeral

[Nanuq]

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director

to play at a grave-side service for a homeless man. He had no family or

friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky

back-country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost; and being a

typical man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw

the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.

There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I

felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of

the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't

know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches

and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with

no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless

man. And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I

wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and

started for my car. Though my head hung low my heart was full.

As I was opening the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I

ain't never seen nothin' like that before, and I've been putting in septic

tanks for twenty years."

[FxrAndy]

Thanks Bob i needed a smile after the day i have had

[hiker01]

Good one.......another one, but not a funeral, but could led to one:

Wife: Honey, please answer me in all honesty, do I look pretty or ugly ?

Husband: Both!

Wife: What do you mean?

Husaband: You're Pretty Ugly!

[Katerchen]

You always crack me up

George

[KB]

ok thats funny.

Gotta steal this and use it with my mates.

Ken

[maxman]

Nice

[cornerstone]

[hiker01]

Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for

them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy,

beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie and they were

told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not

be ordained, because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no

reaction.

She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the

priests, until she got to the final priest, Carlos.

Poor Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that

it flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby

foliage.

Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to

rest.

He bent over to pick it up......Then all the other bells started to

ring.

[chronoluvvv]

wife to husband "honey i think i look old & ugly ! would you say something nice about me please ?"

husband deadpans "well babie, your eyesight is as good as always"

[vlydog]

wait a second...

Kentucky back-country

septic tanks

something doesn't add up

[maxman]

@Hike...sounds like those other eleven priests were a "pain In the ass"