You are a son of Glasgow, Scotland

[jonthebhoy]

U R A GLASWEGIAN If:

1. Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie ;-), Ecclefechan, Milngavie,

Sauchiehall, St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.

2. Ye actually like deep fried battered pizza fae the chippie.

3. Ye get four seasons in wan day.

4. Ye canny pass a chip/kebab shop withoot sleverin when yer blootert.

5. Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.

6. Ye see people wear shell suits with burberry accessories - pure

class!

7. Ye measure distance in minutes.

8. Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him,

in yer ain family.

9. Ye go tae Saltcoats cos ye think it is like gaun tae the ocean.

10. Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds.

11. Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.

12. Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day date.

13. You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the

Church/Chapel.

14. Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n

chips, irn-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop.

15. Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.

16. A big flash car has a ned at the wheel.

17. Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.

18. Ye learnt tae sweer afore ye learnt tae dae sums.

19. Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer

pals .

20. Finally, you are 100% Glaswegian if you have ever said/heard

These words...

how's it hingin

clatty

boggin

cludgie

pished

get it up ye

wee beasties

[censored] bandit

amurny

away an bile yer heid

peely-wally

humphey backit

Ba'-heid

baw bag

dubble nuggit

Finally………………………A wee Glesca wumman goes intae a butchershop, where the butcher has just came oot the freezer, and is standing haunds ahint his back, with his rear end aimed at an electric fire.

The wee wumman checks oot the display case then asks, "Is that yer Ayrshire bacon?"

"Naw," replies the butcher. "It's jist ma haun's Ah'm heatin'."

[cornerstone]

1. Kirkcudbright and Burntisland are also doozies.

3. Edinburgh can have at least eight. Glasgow has more of a 'tropical' weather system - you're either in the 'wet' or the 'dry'. Edinburgh has the 'windy' and the 'slightly less windy'.

5. I actually managed to slip down a spiral staircase once and not spill my pint. Reason was, the staircase was right above the bar - as I'm falling I'm thinking "you're going to look like a right [censored] if you drop your lager on the bar staff and then have to queue up for a new one." Screwed my back up instead. Good choice.

6. The ones near me these days have 'Holden' on them. Miss my ned / weegie friends.

10. Accomplished this just the other week - a woman let her pitbull out of her gate and just watched it race towards towards my baby daughter and then attack my dog. She learned some choice new vocabulary that day. No, she really learned it (or kent it!)

11. Like haggis, but why is it always served with feckin' neeps? I hate neeps!

12. Yes!

14. Or for that matter, ice cream, tins of baked beans, a one armed-bandit, and listeria.

Cheers!

[Johnkaz]

Learn to swear before sums!!!

I do actually know what quite a few of the Glaswegian words mean.

Here's a few choice Yorkshire sayings.

Ey up - A greeting.

Nah then - A greeting or statement.

Chipoil - Fish n chip shop

Coarsie - Pavement

Put woodint oil - Close the door

Coiloil - A place to store coal

Si thee - Look you

Ginnell- A snicket or passage

Spice - Sweets

So we can put some of these together,

Nah then get thee sen dahn chipoil Ill ave one of each, an si thee, put wood int oil on thee way aht.

Cheers Johnkaz.

[Edge]

Lothian Road was always a great place to get stabbed.

Awa an bile yer heed, utter pish sun. Yur tawkin oot yur [censored].

Amurny a weedgie.........um a burger un am prowd o it tae. Gies salt un sos ony day ower sal un vinegar.....

Uh canny walk past a kebab hoose whilt pished an no hanker a mingin kebab tho......braw cannae beet it

Irn-Bru is thu nektur o thu Gods, an weedgies in full matchin shellsuites, is fukin hularious, git ma kill ony time um oot shopin in buchanun galluries.

Haggis is barry, neeps are hingin.

If anyone need a translator, awa un [censored] up a tree.

[cornerstone]

It's one of the really weird things that you can live in a country, not see it, but take the time to see the rest of the world.

I've never been to Yorkshire, nor really much of the north of England. Newcastle (on way to Norway) once. Don't think Nottingham counts as the north. But that's it.

It's the same everywhere though - I've never met an Australian that has been to Ayer's Rock. Even New Yorkers that had not made it to the Statue of Liberty.

I don't think the Hovis ads did Yorkshire many favours, especially when Leeds is supposed to be pretty cosmopolitan these days. That said, Glasgow has had a millstone of an image of being a tough and frightening city, when in reality it is astoundingly friendly. Go anywhere in the world, and you will find few places where more strangers come up to you and just chat. And there's big money in Glasgow too; serious money. Bearsden - the part of Glasgow so upmarket, it pretends it's not even in Glasgow.

[Meant to say earlier on the coke subject. Worst moment with a Scottish accent in an Australian shop wasn't me, was a family member in a bakery. He asked the lady for a blackcurrant tart. First problem was, she didn't know that a tart was a common name for a bakery product (like I tend to pronounce croissant like I learned in French, without the "T" - 100% of the time I'm corrected, "oh, a crassanTTT"). Anyway, she didn't know what a tart was, and frankly blackcurrant turned out to be a bit of a surprise. She thought he was calling her a "black c*nt tart". Got a bit ugly!]

[cornerstone]

Awa an bile yer heed, utter pish sun. Yur tawkin oot yur [censored].

Amurny a weedgie.........um a burger un am prowd o it tae. Gies salt un sos ony day ower sal un vinegar.....

Uh canny walk past a kebab hoose whilt pished an no hanker a mingin kebab tho......braw cannae beet it

Irn-Bru is thu nektur o thu Gods, an weedgies in full matchin shellsuites, is fukin hularious, git ma kill ony time um oot shopin in buchanun galluries.

Haggis is barry, neeps are hingin.

If anyone need a translator, awa un [censored] up a tree.

Aye, that's why Glasgae's so friendly. Cos all the weegies are on day trips east.

You know I've chosen you for my 'Adopt a Weegie' programme. You get one knife, a cap of your choice, and some great patter for jumping the kebab shop queue.

[Edge]

Free parking with Uni pass....woohoo.....

Now if those figures were glasgow they would be weekly not annual lol. Glasgow one of the very few places in Scotland where you can actually get shot lol. Apart from Leith if you decide to rob a P....Corner shop lol.

Lothian Road was DREADFULL due to the high propensity of aresholes attending the local nightlife, "Rev Man fu**in Brilyant", It is no longer there, so the crime rate has duelly fallen.

Also you have to note that Lothian road has most of the Restaurants and Clubs Leading off it and is longer than the grassmarket and George Street (Toff Central). Personally I choose George street lol, due to the lower liklehood of getting jumped hahaha! but it's amazing what rich people do when they are pished lol.

Glasgow on the other hand, some amazingly friendly people, some aresholes, some gangsters, you know your usual mix. Shame that you are more likely to jumped/stabbed/shot in Glasgow than anywhere else in Scotland, although it does have the highest population.

Some cracking nights out have been had at, The Shed, The Garage.......and other beautifully WELL named establishments lol.

[cornerstone]

Free parking with Uni pass....woohoo.....

Now if those figures were glasgow they would be weekly not annual lol. Glasgow one of the very few places in Scotland where you can actually get shot lol. Apart from Leith if you decide to rob a P....Corner shop lol.

Lothian Road was DREADFULL due to the high propensity of aresholes attending the local nightlife, "Rev Man fu**in Brilyant", It is no longer there, so the crime rate has duelly fallen.

Also you have to note that Lothian road has most of the Restaurants and Clubs Leading off it and is longer than the grassmarket and George Street (Toff Central). Personally I choose George street lol, due to the lower liklehood of getting jumped hahaha! but it's amazing what rich people do when they are pished lol.

Glasgow on the other hand, some amazingly friendly people, some aresholes, some gangsters, you know your usual mix. Shame that you are more likely to jumped/stabbed/shot in Glasgow than anywhere else in Scotland, although it does have the highest population.

Some cracking nights out have been had at, The Shed, The Garage.......and other beautifully WELL named establishments lol.

Quite right. lol!

Pointing out that Lothian Road is longer is the work of genius ROTFL. So more murders, but aha! less murders per inch! [seriously - love it]

I'm well out of the loop - last time I went anywhere near Lothian Rd on the [censored], the main 'club' was probably called Century 2000 (? I think?). Days of 50p vodkas and the like. Didn't pan out too well violence wise. Someone even nicked my jacket - and I specifically had a pub jacket that was [censored] just so someone didn't steal it. It was awful.

But yes, if you shut down the nightlife the problem would sort itself out.

I was too much of a cheap [censored] for George St, even on a wage.

Used to joke about "you've got a better chance of being stabbed in Lothian Road than in the whole of New York" because of course in New York they would shoot you instead.

On another note: really free parking?! Sweet deal! That's gonna hurt when you lose that! When I finished uni, I got a job and suddenly found myself poorer! No discounts, council tax (which I didn't pay I might add, I think it expired after six years on the run!)

[Edge]

Quite right. lol!

Pointing out that Lothian Road is longer is the work of genius ROTFL. So more murders, but aha! less murders per inch! [seriously - love it]

I'm well out of the loop - last time I went anywhere near Lothian Rd on the [censored], the main 'club' was probably called Century 2000 (? I think?). Days of 50p vodkas and the like. Didn't pan out too well violence wise. Someone even nicked my jacket - and I specifically had a pub jacket that was [censored] just so someone didn't steal it. It was awful.

But yes, if you shut down the nightlife the problem would sort itself out.

I was too much of a cheap [censored] for George St, even on a wage.

Used to joke about "you've got a better chance of being stabbed in Lothian Road than in the whole of New York" because of course in New York they would shoot you instead.

On another note: really free parking?! Sweet deal! That's gonna hurt when you lose that! When I finished uni, I got a job and suddenly found myself poorer! No discounts, council tax (which I didn't pay I might add, I think it expired after six years on the run!)

Lothian Road is getting better, sice rev closed down and all the [censored] have to go elsewhere. Establishment is closing down, good club for students, 50p a drink on a Thursday and free entry, can't ask any fairer than that lol.

I get free parking cos I am a uni student at HMRI, but even better than that when I do my PhD, I get PAID £21000 a year TAX FREE and get all the benefits of being a student lol. Roll on the PhD.

[cornerstone]

Lothian Road is getting better, sice rev closed down and all the [censored] have to go elsewhere. Establishment is closing down, good club for students, 50p a drink on a Thursday and free entry, can't ask any fairer than that lol.

I get free parking cos I am a uni student at HMRI, but even better than that when I do my PhD, I get PAID £21000 a year TAX FREE and get all the benefits of being a student lol. Roll on the PhD.

Jeez - when did these tax free perks start?!

[r11co]

Establishment is closing down, good club for students, 50p a drink on a Thursday and free entry, can't ask any fairer than that lol.

I get free parking cos I am a uni student at HMRI, but even better than that when I do my PhD, I get PAID £21000 a year TAX FREE and get all the benefits of being a student lol. Roll on the PhD.

Typical tight-arsed east-coaster. Don't visit edge at mealtimes expecting something to eat. He'll just look at his watch and say "You'll have had your tea then...?!"

[jonthebhoy]

Typical tight-arsed east-coaster. Don't visit edge at mealtimes expecting something to eat. He'll just look at his watch and say "You'll have had your tea then...?!"

That was so funny.....here's some dosh Rico....

JTB

[jonthebhoy]

Your turn Chris...........make me laugh. Tell me Hearts are going to qualify for the Champions League!

JTB

[Edge]

Jeez - when did these tax free perks start?! And yes, you will get to [censored] around like a student on your SnapFax you lucky sod. What, for another three years? A friend of mine has managed to spread his PhD over about six years, just screwing around with rats (and, well, not really getting any useful results).

HMRI is that Little France you're talking about? Even though all my lectures were on South Bridge, I used to try and study at King's Buildings because I lived in Prestonfield and, well, it saved bus money. Bus money = beer money. Learned a lot of biology that, funnily enough, didn't come up in exams.

Lol yeh, HMRI is Little France. I study at KB cos I am a science student, it's quite good, better than when I was at George Sq, at least KB has free parking instead of £7 a day at George Sq. I used to be at the Medical College A LOT so I would take the car to KB and get the free bus to George Sq.

@R11co

Not tightarsed, just VERY poor at the moment, I have been bitten by the PAM bug and I have been to the quack and everything and there's [censored] all he can do about it. I am haemorigin cash like there's no tomorrow lol.

An I'd rather be tight than livin in a box buskin' lol.

@JTB

Away a pat peas

[KB]

I'm sure I should be throwing around some warnings in here, but if Babel Fish know's what you guys are talking about he's not telling

So tell me do I get any Brownie points for knowing the words to 'My ain Folk'?

Ken

[Edge]

I'm sure I should be throwing around some warnings in here, but if Babel Fish know's what you guys are talking about he's not telling

So tell me do I get any Brownie points for knowing the words to 'My ain Folk'?

Ken

Kudos Ken, prolly cos your ancestors are Our Ain Folk lol.

Shame you can't translate the thread, cos i'd prolly be banned lol. This has turned into the unofficial scottish thread lol.

[KB]

Thats ok I'm counting on jtb to moderate

Ken

[Edge]

Thats ok I'm counting on jtb to moderate

Ken

his heeds up is erse anaw so husnae gota cloo wits hapnin eethur

[jonthebhoy]

his heeds up is erse anaw so husnae gota cloo wits hapnin eethur

Ma fingers oan the trigger sonny an its itchin tae pull.

JTB

[Pugwash]

2. Ye actually like deep fried battered pizza fae the chippie.

Blue Lagoon under the Glasgow Central bridge, "Pizza supper and a glass bottle o jeg big man, nat noo" and you'll get your pizza folded over and dropped in the deep fat fryer (I call it the Argyle Street Calzone) without batter (batter's for the east-coast salnsosoanyesupper schemies) served with chips and a bottle of the finest Irn Bru invented: the 75cl glass ginger bottle.

[Edge]

Blue Lagoon under the Glasgow Central bridge, "Pizza supper and a glass bottle o jeg big man, nat noo" and you'll get your pizza folded over and dropped in the deep fat fryer (I call it the Argyle Street Calzone) without batter (batter's for the east-coast salnsosoanyesupper schemies) served with chips and a bottle of the finest Irn Bru invented: the 75cl glass ginger bottle.

We don't do fried pizza in batter either???

[Pugwash]

Haggis is barry, neeps are hingin.

Ah, that patter reminds me of Niddrie. I worked there for a while and we had a local doing his YTS to get his extra tenner on his brew, as they say. He was a Niddrieite to the full. He described his girlfriend as "A barry wee shaggin' machine" and used "c*nting c*nt" as a term of endearment reserved for his closest work colleagues. Even the edinburgh scots found him hard to understand.

"aye, but wees goat a castle, ken?"

[Edge]

"aye, but wees goat a castle, ken?"

An wit a wee crakur she is anaw!!!!

[Pugwash]

We don't do fried pizza in batter either???

Your lot deep fried battered mars bars.

[Edge]

Your lot deep fried battered mars bars.

Twix is thu bisnis bi thu way