TwoTone Posted November 28, 2007 Report Share Posted November 28, 2007 How do these people survive? Double T ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. 'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter. 'You don't?' I replied. 'We only have six, nine, or twelve, was the reply . 'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?' 'That's right.' So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets TWO I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?' I said to her 'I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today.' She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened. THREE A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.' FOUR I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?' 'Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked. 'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk.' FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use copier machine paper,' the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies. SIX I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in 'Twister. I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the 'cruise control' and then went in the back to make a sandwich. SEVEN My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: 'I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?' EIGHT Police in Radnor , Pa. interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message 'He's lying' was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the 'lie detector' was working, the suspect confessed. NINE A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and it should be fine The mother says, I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency room! Life is tough... It's tougher if you're stupid... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordRasta Posted November 28, 2007 Report Share Posted November 28, 2007 LOL!!!! Too funny, but sadly true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Watchmeister Posted November 28, 2007 Report Share Posted November 28, 2007 I am feeling an extreme case of deja vu. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwoTone Posted November 28, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 28, 2007 I am feeling an extreme case of deja vu. Ok, where'd I miss it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KB Posted November 28, 2007 Report Share Posted November 28, 2007 Ok, where'd I miss it... Been there, done this, give us a kiss Ken Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest watchbuff Posted November 28, 2007 Report Share Posted November 28, 2007 Sadly, Police Officers can go on for days with stories like these. One good one is about a warrant about to be executed on a "fortified" location, with locks galore on the door according to an informant. The team brought out more tools, both power and hand to breach the door. One very sharp cop when it was time to make entry tried the door [censored] and voila'! The door swung open. The tools were needed but a few team members were hellbent on breaking it down. All that banging and the elemetn of surprise is gone and things get uglier from there. Try before you pry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
infidel dog Posted November 28, 2007 Report Share Posted November 28, 2007 OK, pop quiz. Which of the following worries you more? A. These people vote. B. They drive cars. C. They raise children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KB Posted November 28, 2007 Report Share Posted November 28, 2007 D. They breathe Ken Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
triplehd Posted November 28, 2007 Report Share Posted November 28, 2007 D. They breathe Ken Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pugwash Posted November 28, 2007 Report Share Posted November 28, 2007 LOL!!!! Too funny, but sadly true. Well, not entirely. Don't take humour as fact; it's just a joke. ps. I wonder how many people thinking all these tales are true realise that we're laughing at them as much as the people in these stories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corgi Posted November 29, 2007 Report Share Posted November 29, 2007 I encounter people like this on a daily basis. It's fun to confuse them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archibald Posted November 29, 2007 Report Share Posted November 29, 2007 D. They breathe Ken E. They can be president someday!* *Fathers must have appointed at least two(2) United States Supreme Court Justices. Decorated veterans not eligible during time of war. Offer not valid in Florida or Ohio. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cornerstone Posted November 29, 2007 Report Share Posted November 29, 2007 I swear this is true - this week at work I needed a commercial banking contract faxed over to me, and the bank faxed over a letter telling me that the contract was being sent 'as an attachment'. I even got faxed a little Word document icon containing the contract, which I would have gladly 'opened', had it not been f*#king fax! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KB Posted November 29, 2007 Report Share Posted November 29, 2007 I swear this is true - this week at work I needed a commercial banking contract faxed over to me, and the bank faxed over a letter telling me that the contract was being sent 'as an attachment'. I even got faxed a little Word document icon containing the contract, which I would have gladly 'opened', had it not been f*#king fax! Classic Ken Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwoTone Posted November 29, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 29, 2007 I swear this is true - this week at work I needed a commercial banking contract faxed over to me, and the bank faxed over a letter telling me that the contract was being sent 'as an attachment'. I even got faxed a little Word document icon containing the contract, which I would have gladly 'opened', had it not been f*#king fax! Pugs will be along shortly to disprove it CS... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cornerstone Posted November 29, 2007 Report Share Posted November 29, 2007 Pugs will be along shortly to disprove it CS... The Snopes SWAT team just abseiled down the side of the building and busted into the office - my god they're fast. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
POTR Posted November 29, 2007 Report Share Posted November 29, 2007 Kenberg's DejaVUE... Still funny though... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwoTone Posted November 29, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 29, 2007 Kenberg's DejaVUE... Still funny though... Spoiler... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Everythingape Posted November 29, 2007 Report Share Posted November 29, 2007 Buying a boat unseen from another part of the country, over the phone I tried to get the seller to sign a sales contract I'd faxed him and have him fax it back to me. He refused vehemently stating: "No way! Then you'll be the only one to have this contract!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TWP Posted November 29, 2007 Report Share Posted November 29, 2007 NINE A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and it should be fine The mother says, I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency room! That lady actually won a Darwin Award as I remember reading about it a few years ago. And they say ignorance is Bliss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seraphe Posted November 29, 2007 Report Share Posted November 29, 2007 One of my export executive was asked to prepare reports to bring when we travel for a business trip. On the day we embarked, I checked with her if she had done the reports. She replied that she had, and she had transferred the files from her desktop to a USB memory stick. Bravo for the convenience of a USB memory stick! During the meeting with our foreign agent, we needed the data. We plugged the memory stick into my laptop and all I found were nicely organized folders for each related matter... with the small white box and up turning blue arrow on the bottom left on each and every of the folder icon... with the folder names "Shortcut to..." I nearly cried. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeroen1985 Posted November 29, 2007 Report Share Posted November 29, 2007 Hahahaha Some people are soooo stupid... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pugwash Posted November 29, 2007 Report Share Posted November 29, 2007 That lady actually won a Darwin Award as I remember reading about it a few years ago. And they say ignorance is Bliss. I can't find it on http://www.darwinawards.com but she could only win if she took herself and her child out of the gene pool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KB Posted November 29, 2007 Report Share Posted November 29, 2007 Hey Puggy loosen up man we are trying to have fun Ken Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pugwash Posted November 29, 2007 Report Share Posted November 29, 2007 Hey Puggy loosen up man we are trying to have fun You think I'm not having fun? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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