On the state of my affairs

[lanikai]

First of all this will not be a short post...

I was due at the gym but as I am responsible to anyone that reaches out or asks for help.. i am bound by that responsibility to always be there...I am one member of a "program" that Say's, "when a person who is suffering reaches out let me always be there for them...." It is not about "personalities" but about "principles"

As some of you may have read I have been "clean and sober" going on 17 years now.. and in that time many friends have died, Od'd or been shot .. last week I layed another very good friend to rest .. he could no longer handle life and left behind a 3 year old son, a mother and father and many people who loved him like brother, it was very, very draining .. so understand I do not have any sympathy for those who claim to be suffering while using this as an excuse to cop out... I am not saying that this is you TWP .. but believe me I have been on many crisis calls and worked as a volunteer at a center for a long time and have heard it all.. the good and the bad.. the true and the false

I was once clinically depressed that was due to a chemical imbalance.. alcohol is a depressant.. now, I have many friends who can drink get drunk no problem .. i gift nice bottles of various spirits,... so understand that I am not on any crusade to stop anyone from drinking.. but if you suffer from the disease of alcoholism .. and the "ISM' stands for ..I, self and me.... then there are measures you can take..only if "you" want to .. not for anyone else, you have to do it for you first .. not ANYONE ELSE... only then will it work .. because you will be working it..

there are no excuses .. life is life .. either we deal with it without anestisizing ourselves.. or create more problems on top of problems..

there is a easier softer way out.. but you have to want it...

The program that helped save my life shall remain anonymous,.. as one of the "traditions" is that it shall never ever be brought into public controversy.. by name.. because if I go out and get wasted and do something stupid .. then people can say .. "see it doesnt work".. this is why I never mention it by name..I only speak for myself .. as I am not a spokesperson for any organization.. I kind of keep this "principle" with everything I do..

If you feel you have had enough and are sick and tired of being... sick and tired then you may be ready.. but if you are doing this just to get your family or job or whatever back.. it may not work... but then again they say "fake it till you make it".. the point being you have to be "ready" to accept the program.. the spiritual side because "self will" is what got you here in the first place.. if you feel "you" can handle it... well think again.. your "BEST THINKING" got you here in the first place.. you are not to "blame" but you are now responsible for the choices you are about to make..

I have heard and recited all the excuses myself...no one understands me...... if only they would get off my case..... i can handle this, i just need to sort things out.... yeah.. right.. if these sound familiar they are...

when I was in rehab .. I asked the doctors .. and counselors ... "how could you know anything".. one of the counselors pulled up his sleeve.. and the track mark scars were faintly evident... you see they were all recovered addicts and alcoholics... they lived through it all themselves.. in the morning they asked me how I was doing.. and I said "great" cause I was happy to finally do something about my addiction.. they said.... "well if your doing so great what are you doing here"..... shoot that brought me back to reality..

And the reality is help is there but this is not kindergarten.... you have to make it work.. you have to want this more than anything in the world.... anything ..... and everything

How much you drink is not important.. that is just what's on the surface .. just a "symptom of something deeper"

you need some clean time to clear the stinkin thinking from your head....

after a few years clean and sober i volunteered with a organization that helps families with terminally ill children... you think you have problems ? these kids "taught me" the meaning of love and understanding.. they were grateful for everyday they had.. that truly got me out of "self".. try it sometime.. because the whole exercise is to get out of "self" ... self pity .. self loathing...

As I have said, I put another very good friend to rest .. so I have no words of sympathy or stars to give out right now.. in fact I am a little angry at God for allowing this to happen .. but in His infinite wisdom there is a reason for all things..

In actuality TWP I am "calling you out" ... if you are serious about getting help then it's time to do something about it... i am always available to listen and my hand is reaching out... but you have to want it... if I sound cold and hard core .. it is because we are dealing with "Life and Death" this is not some patronizing post I am putting up.. and I have said more about me than my employees... or company i am involved with will ever know... I do not say what I say for sympathy or praise, sympathy is for the dead... and praise,.. as I tell the company,.."keep the praise, I'll take the money"... because if what I share will somehow save one life or help someone relate to what i went through.. then I would do it everyday..I don't want watches or service or anything from you .. (and your not going to get anything from me.. I already got a collector).. that is a joke by the way.. but you are not going to see any smiley faces on this post.. because I am dead serious... continue what you are doing and you will end up insane or dead.. not many options..

there is a joke ... a member was sharing at a meeting and confessed to fuc**ing a duck.. he thought he would die from embarrassment...then someone in the back of the room called out.."did yours die too?".. moral is you cannot tell me or anyone who has been through hell and back anything that we haven't heard before....

One day at a time........ one hour at a time... sometimes one minute at a time..... that is how you approach life......

and until you can learn to deal with "life on life's terms" you need to keep coming back for more lessons.... because basically that's what I am trying to learn.. to deal with life on life's terms .. not my terms...

contact me if you really are serious about getting help.... I am available for this 24/7 ... I can only keep what I have by giving it away.. unconditionally

First step is always the hardest man.. but taking it will be the easiest thing you ever do...

Aloha~

Lani

[Rxus]

I feel for you man, my prayers are with you and your family. get the help you need talk to those who have offered it to you.

[UncleJay]

No sympathy here, only my true well wishes. I hope all goes well for you and your family. Don't be afraid to depend on your "community" for support, this is a GREAT bunch of nuts here ...tops in my book. Again, ALL THE BEST to you and yours buddy.

[Fireman_Fred]

I had not "done business" with T before but I recently ordered one of his modded "unbranded" Pam 111's. I have just had to return it for a refund as there was not just one problem with it but about five ! (I won't go into details). From the moment I ordered the watch to the moment I told him I was returning it, T has replied to all my emails promptly and he has promised me a full refund. I thought about "going public" (on RWG !) and posting pictures of the watch to show how bad it was. However, considering all I have read, this will now remain between me and TWP.

I guess the fact that you were brave enough to share all your problems with us means you have reached a point where things can only get better - for the sake of your son, wife, friends and family, I sincerely hope so and I wish you all the best for the future. And, you never know, I might even bite the bullet and order another watch from you one day !!

[AMK000]

@TWP: Regarding your kid.

I am a father

[lanikai]

TWP.. I responded to your message..

I am posting this because .."practicing alcoholics and addicts" are the most manipulative people..

you know what you need to do .... rehab ... pick up the phone .. to your nearest ** center .. ask for help .. no stories of family issues or explanations of the why's .... those stories are just seeking sympathy..

Sound like "tough love" .. you bet.. because I am not here to become your "best friend".. I am here because .. your life is worth saving.. and God does not make "Junk"

check in with me again in a few hours.. no sad stories .. you just got to do the "FOOT WORK" ,.. i cannot do it for you ..you may think I'm being cold .. on the contrary .. I care about what happens to a fellow human being.. when you start looking within and not point the finger at all the others or the "problems" then you are on the road to recovery.... I am talking from EXPERIENCE in working with addicts and alcoholics .. and helping them to get sobriety.. I am not being mean.... if you can start doing this then your family will be whole again... and don't even think about manipulating me... i say this with Love man... because you will hear loud laughter...

and I am posting this to keep you honest.. because there are a lot of people who care what happens.. and I already gave up my training session so you fuc*king know how serious I am to do that !!!

Just for today.. pick up the phone make the call .. rehab ---- meeting.. do it man .. check in 3 hours.. i need to get home..

Aloha

Lani

[Guest carlsbadrolex]

Good Heavenly Lord Almighty... Today is truly a monumental day! Lanikai and I agree on something. Not that he would ever care that we agree, and Im sure a smart assed comment is forthcoming... BUT OMFG!

[Victoria]

Just for today.. pick up the phone make the call .. rehab ---- meeting.. do it man

Lani, your heart is as big as your watches.

You have given up something today, which means so much to you. And you obviously have experience in the topic.

But these kinds of public professions of help CAN indeed seem cold, and bullying. Should he be ready, he'll respond.

One thing is for sure. My watches are ready for shipment, and I'm sure, others are too. That's not the actions of a manipulative, out-of-control addict.

He has problems, he's under stress, but he's serious and responsible.

Also, as a medical practioner, he has access to solutions which your average person does not. However, he can also be flagged by the Medical Board of his State, for all these problems. As a doctor's daughter, I know these are facts often overlooked by others, but we can't in his case.

No matter how much we understand and have experience with this matter, we need to accept their situation, and their own timeline.

I think TWP will know what to do, soon enough. I don't read him as destructive, just as full of macho brio.

This situation will have a happy ending. God willing. I am sure of it.

[prince458]

Wow, that's some story.... I really feel sorry for you, man.

But stop the booz and the meds as of now!

This will only take your life into more drama. Concentrate on your family, health and job. These are the most important things in life.

I think at this moment in your life the modding and 'collecting' takes away of that. Besides, the moment you say you are in business people expect you to work as a business man - rep business or not.

Maybe you need to take a step back for a while and don't take new orders, handle the pending ones and get your life back on track.

Take care!

TWP ...

i responded to you on the other forum but want to respond here.

i fimly support and reiterate scoobs sentiments.

brother my wife and i were in your situation since dec 2006 and in july 2007 was a break point where we separated for 8 months and just reconciled as of 30 days ago. sure now it seems all good that she "funds my rep collecting hobby" but let me tell you from 2006 to feb of 2008 it was hell ... i was blamed as the bad one/husband by everyone including her family to the point of physical threats from her brother. that just flared my anger and temper that i called on past "associates", police, local prosecutors and 2 legal firms to ready for battle ... se the booze and the drugs don't cut it my friend. it just gives one a false sense of logic and relief.

let me tell you the booze and pharmacueticals a temporary fix!! GET SOME PROFESSIONAL HELP! we can all say that to you but you need to verbalize and recognize for yourself that there is a problem and it needs fixed. therapy is not bad ask about. i was hell bent on it at first and vowed to punish my wife and anyone associated with her but today it is a llot better because of my therapist and support group i outreached to.

as far as your business is concerned ... again that is up to you to decide. if you honestly feel you had a great run and achieved and did everything you wanted to do in this rep game and are on top of your game ... then maybe the run is over and you need to move on.

i made that pain full decision after 11 years as a successful fund manager in nyc until the world economy of russia collasped in august 1999 and i had to shut down the hedge fund. talk about a loss ($40 mil) but up until then the investment run was great -- benefitted from all the perks of a successful investment program. dec 31, 1999 closed up the shop, answered all the SEC, legal and audit groups questions and bid farewell to NYC and the investment world.

my friend ... i can honestly feel for you and your professional and personal situations. seek help professionally and definitively. in addition you should have the comfort in the expressions of outreach and concern by members of this forum, you can always count on your contemporaries here for support.

feel free to pm me or email me at anytime.

best now for better health, peace of mind and prosperity for the rest of 2008.

P-458

[Stephane]

I too feel for you TWP. Who wouldn't...surely not a human being.

But, or should I say because, Lanikai said it all, I would take action if I was you...and I was you once.

Warm regards,

Stephane

[TWP]

@Lanikai

I really wish that this where an excuse, a cop out. I remember three years ago. My wife was pregnant and I was alone at our house. I stood in front of our bathroom vanity and looked at myself for two hours. I was disgusted with myself, tired of hearing the constant voices. I drove to walgreens and picked up my scripts, five different medications. One medication per diagnosis, no joke. I heard something deep inside my soul, and went to the aisle that had mens grooming supplies and bought some clippers, you know the electric kind. When I arrived back home, i went back to our bedroom, looked in the vanity again, then shaved off all my hair. Then i filled up our jacuzzi, went into the bedroom and put on The End by The Doors. Never once did i think about writing a letter, because at the time the act i was considering was so selfish that my thoughts were that no one needed one. When the jacuzzi was full, i dropped a bath ball in, lavender to be exact, lit some frakencinse, went down to the basement and got out a vial of local anesthetic, lidocaine, a 5 cc syringe, 25 gauge needle, and an eleven blade scapel. I proceed back up stairs, went back into the master bath and proceeded to end it. I injected both my wrist with the lidocaine, got back up, and poured a glass of red wine, my thinking was the blood of christ. As they do in mass, i blessed the wine, drank it, grabbed the scapel, and then the phone rang. I had left the damn thing right next to the tub, by mistake. It was my father. I had not spoken to him for several years. Honestly, I am not quite sure why i picked up the phone, but he who helped bring me into this world prevented me from leaving it. He told me, and I quote, "Son, soon you will understand the joy and disappointment of a father's love. I am sorry" I cried for the first time in five years. A remarkable feat considering the 600mg of Wellbutrin I had been taken daily for years. I dropped the scapel in the bubble water and the damn thing went straight into my thigh. I was so ashamed that I had even considered to end my life at my own accord. I am not sure why I have shared this story with you, but your post somehow made me think about that very instance.

Every week I see people that are really f*&Jed up, and often I remind myself how lucky i am, married with two beautiful children. There are times when my pedestal is high, and I reign over the people that are my patients, tell myself in my head how much better i am. Reality is I am no better, rather if anything worse. You see I have it all and knowingly piece by piece throw it away. For five years i have changed counselors and doctors like underwear in search of answers. They listen, preach, and medicate. Has the problem been fixed, no, and is that their desire. Really i am not for sure, but I can tell you that according to one i am bipolar, according to another i am ocd, the third adhd you get the point. Fact is, whatever the diagnosis or condition, the only thing that can change is me. You see drugs cannot fix or solve the problems, this i am sure that you know. Only I can do that!

Last week I was down at my cabin in Arkansas. Over a bowl of pipe I thought about all my options. What could I do. Guess it would have just been easier to say eff it, ya know. Ah, but that is not in my character (this coming from a pill popper) the easy way out. Thought I would post something truthful, something with substance. Let everyone know that I am not a quitter nor plan to quit. If your hand is out there, I'd like to shake it, and tell you lets begin!

[KB]

Remember your little guy and think of him when you reach for those bottles.

T that above quote is all you should need to listen very carefully to what Lani is telling you.

There is really no need to share your contacts other than anger at the other dealers....and maybe anger is not your friend at the moment.

Ken

[warbody]

Very sorry for everything TWP

[Victoria]

It was my father.

It's not often you hear this, but your father gave you life twice.

[prince458]

Fact is, whatever the diagnosis or condition, the only thing that can change is me. You see drugs cannot fix or solve the problems, this i am sure that you know. Only I can do that!

Thought I would post something truthful, something with substance. Let everyone know that I am not a quitter nor plan to quit. If your hand is out there, I'd like to shake it, and tell you lets begin!

TWP ...

Good for you ... now you have taken a tremendous step in responding to Lani ... it's there for you to take and use to your needs.

yes you will get tough love and it's not meant to me malicitious but because there is true care for you and your family. We are here to only encourage you and be a sounding board for you. You've taken the step now recovery begins.

carry on brother! my pm and email is open too for you.

P-458

[doc savage]

T,

It's a sad world sometimes, but you as a father and husband are absolutely critical to your family's wellbeing. Speaking from my own experience, when my life seems futile and nothing brings me happiness, my mind goes to my own sons and what I would want for them when they are older. The answer is I'm not sure, but I know it has to be better than what I have, and the only way I can make it so is to stick around.

Despair eats at all intelligent men at some point or another, and we show our true worth by making it through intact. Your wife can give you love and support, your children can melt your heart with a glance, but only you can turn your life in the right direction and just keep pushing yourself to improve.

Some may find your decision to air your troubles online odd, but I think it can help at times when you can't bring yourself to open up to your "real life" friends; there is a flood of kind thoughts, prayers, and encouragement headed your way. I hope it does you some good.

Email me or call ANY time if you want to talk--about kids, women, autism, watches, anything but sports and politics.

[The Mentalist]

The compassion shown on this board amazes me.

Heed Lanikai's advice. He's a good sort and speaks a lot of truth. I only wish Lani and some of you other folks were around during my darkest days.

Old Chinese proverb: "Better to light a candle than complain about the darkness".

You've done an incredibly brave thing by writing and admitting your perceived sins to essentially a room full of strangers. You've lit that candle and I think I can speak for everyone here by saying that we don't judge you for it and we all wish you the very best in your battles, now and yet to come.

[TwoTone]

I have known a person once that had alcohol/substance abuse probs just like yours and she would tell me the most unbelievable stories with the utmost of confidence. They were still all lies....

loewenheart

Nice 13th Post LH...

Keep it up and you'll find yourself on the front porch...

TT

[TeeJay]

Have Faith

[hiker01]

TWP!

I don't know you, haven't done business with you......but today is not about watches! Today it's about you and I want to wish you a smooth road to recovery, but that's not reality! It's going to be hard, but if you think of what's on the other side of the dark tunnel (your wife, kids and all your family who are reliant on your succes), that would make the hardship a lot easier to bear!

Lani have all the right words/advise/approach.......heed him! By wanting to succeed is the only right path to recovery. You have to want it......other than that, you set yourself up for failure!

Be strong......also, if you're not already, join a gym! A healthy strong body makes for a healthy strong mind!!!!!

Hike

[lanikai]

Lani, your heart is as big as your watches.

You have given up something today, which means so much to you. And you obviously have experience in the topic.

But these kinds of public professions of help CAN indeed seem cold, and bullying. Should he be ready, he'll respond.

One thing is for sure. My watches are ready for shipment, and I'm sure, others are too. That's not the actions of a manipulative, out-of-control addict.

He has problems, he's under stress, but he's serious and responsible.

Also, as a medical practitioner, he has access to solutions which your average person does not. However, he can also be flagged by the Medical Board of his State, for all these problems. As a doctor's daughter, I know these are facts often overlooked by others, but we can't in his case.

No matter how much we understand and have experience with this matter, we need to accept their situation, and their own timeline.

I think TWP will know what to do, soon enough. I don't read him as destructive, just as full of macho brio.

This situation will have a happy ending. God willing. I am sure of it.

I see your point Viki

this disease does not make any distinction toward profession or race

I have cleaned up with many people that i still keep in contact with today.. they are Doctors,.. Attorney's.. Judges.. yup them too, Stockbrokers... and yes even Clergy ..

there are programs for all .... nurses.. and regular folks too.. this illness does not care what you do or who you "are"... there were even hollywood stars.. don't matter..

We are not talking about a "moral deficiency" i am talking about a progressive illness .. and i am talking from experience....

To go to any measures to clean up may mean walking away from things for a while.. watches, family whatever because without getting clean and sober your not going to have anything ..

one special friend that I will alway's think of as a brother .. he was a medical student at the time.. top 10 percentile nationwide... I told him to be honest with everything .. this program is a program of "Rigorous Honesty" .. you see, honesty is like being pregnant.. either you are or you aren't..

To go to the dean of his medical school and tell them he needed help, and the reason why.. he thought that it would get him expelled.. long story short he went and talked to the powers that be and was supported 100%.. he graduated and is now one of the leading Physicians at one of the Hospitals here.. got married to the girl that is also a Doctor now and was going to leave him, and has 3 wonderful children.. he was depressed and taking a lot of prescription meds along with everything else.... we hung together for one year backing each other .. would not let either fall.. we were really hard on each other...

I myself walked away from a 6 figure job because they said it was mandatory for me to attend the parties and wine tastings.. but my sobriety was more important.. it was a no brainer for me.. that's how much I wanted it.. and that is how serious I am about this issue.. too many funerals Vic .. to many..

The watches can wait.. it is not that important to put ahead of this.. and if you are concerned about The medical board.. I would be more concerned if I didn't get myself help and come clean with it.. rehab has very good protective rights.. and especially for the medical field as drug and alcohol abuse is rampant..

Problems are apart of life.. everyone has stress.. but you deal with it on "lifes terms" .. not "by self will"..

the story will have a Happy ending if the footwork is done.. and that is reality

All the top proffesionals were told just to follow direction .. and to get them out of self will... they were put into service.. stacking chairs.. making coffee.. being told to do mundane things.. why?? to learn to follow direction.. because their "best thinking" got them where they are now..

The practicing alcoholic addict is a genius.. he/she knows how to manipulate and make everything seem like it's all good and they have it all together

Again this is NOT a "moral deficiency" so no one is a "Bad Person" just an ill person who needs to get better

If you are allergic to strawberries would you stand in a strawberry patch.. well, this is what the using addict is doing...

TWP I am sure has a good heart and is a very good person.. but don't confuse empathy with "enabling"

I am not a Doctor nor legal counsel ..nor any profession in between .. I am an Alocholic/addict who has recovered from a seemingly "hopeless" state of mind and body...and only one alcoholic /addict can help another.. that is just the way it is.. normal people cannot understand... and that's why it would seem to you as Bullying.. but be assured Vic. it is not.. and I say this with a lot of love toward my fellow Alcoholic/addict

Aloha~

Lani

[lanikai]

@Lanikai

I really wish that this where an excuse, a cop out. I remember three years ago. My wife was pregnant and I was alone at our house. I stood in front of our bathroom vanity and looked at myself for two hours. I was disgusted with myself, tired of hearing the constant voices. I drove to walgreens and picked up my scripts, five different medications. One medication per diagnosis, no joke. I heard something deep inside my soul, and went to the aisle that had mens grooming supplies and bought some clippers, you know the electric kind. When I arrived back home, i went back to our bedroom, looked in the vanity again, then shaved off all my hair. Then i filled up our jacuzzi, went into the bedroom and put on The End by The Doors. Never once did i think about writing a letter, because at the time the act i was considering was so selfish that my thoughts were that no one needed one. When the jacuzzi was full, i dropped a bath ball in, lavender to be exact, lit some frakencinse, went down to the basement and got out a vial of local anesthetic, lidocaine, a 5 cc syringe, 25 gauge needle, and an eleven blade scapel. I proceed back up stairs, went back into the master bath and proceeded to end it. I injected both my wrist with the lidocaine, got back up, and poured a glass of red wine, my thinking was the blood of christ. As they do in mass, i blessed the wine, drank it, grabbed the scapel, and then the phone rang. I had left the damn thing right next to the tub, by mistake. It was my father. I had not spoken to him for several years. Honestly, I am not quite sure why i picked up the phone, but he who helped bring me into this world prevented me from leaving it. He told me, and I quote, "Son, soon you will understand the joy and disappointment of a father's love. I am sorry" I cried for the first time in five years. A remarkable feat considering the 600mg of Wellbutrin I had been taken daily for years. I dropped the scapel in the bubble water and the damn thing went straight into my thigh. I was so ashamed that I had even considered to end my life at my own accord. I am not sure why I have shared this story with you, but your post somehow made me think about that very instance.

Every week I see people that are really f*&Jed up, and often I remind myself how lucky i am, married with two beautiful children. There are times when my pedestal is high, and I reign over the people that are my patients, tell myself in my head how much better i am. Reality is I am no better, rather if anything worse. You see I have it all and knowingly piece by piece throw it away. For five years i have changed counselors and doctors like underwear in search of answers. They listen, preach, and medicate. Has the problem been fixed, no, and is that their desire. Really i am not for sure, but I can tell you that according to one i am bipolar, according to another i am ocd, the third adhd you get the point. Fact is, whatever the diagnosis or condition, the only thing that can change is me. You see drugs cannot fix or solve the problems, this i am sure that you know. Only I can do that!

Last week I was down at my cabin in Arkansas. Over a bowl of pipe I thought about all my options. What could I do. Guess it would have just been easier to say eff it, ya know. Ah, but that is not in my character (this coming from a pill popper) the easy way out. Thought I would post something truthful, something with substance. Let everyone know that I am not a quitter nor plan to quit. If your hand is out there, I'd like to shake it, and tell you lets begin!

that's all very nice T....

now pick up the phone and do what seems like the hardest thing in the world.. but really very easy and simple ... and if you mean all of this above then pick up the phone.. let me know when you did... and I will be more than happy to read this.. .. until then all I will say ... with Love is....

MAKE THE CALL

[TWP]

I myself walked away from a 6 figure job because they said it was mandatory for me to attend the parties and wine tastings.. but my sobriety was more important.. it was a no brainer for me.. that's how much I wanted it.. and that is how serious I am about this issue.. too many funerals Vic .. to many..

Talk about sacrificies, now you must have been really putting a lot away! Q: Where you a daily drinker, or a bing drinker? They both are wrong, just curious. I drink heavily when i get depressed which happens at least once a month. I have been on almost every anti depressants and have not found one that has worked. In my heart and soul I know if my depression could be kicked then drinking would be an after thought.

After your post today I called a friend of mine whom is a physicians and knows one of the most prominant psychologist in the area. My friend called him today after we got off the phone and called me an hour ago. I have an appointment next week. So we will see what this fellow has to say.

In my original post i am not sure but i wanted to clarify that all outstanding orders will be taken care of swiftly. Otherwise, i am going to wait awhile before stepping back into this arena.

Lastly, I would like to think everyone for their support. I have received many emails today, pms, and have not had a drink since last night. Oddly before i wrote this post my original plan was to put my sons to bed, work on a couple of watches and then sit down and whittle down a fifth of A.H. Hirsch. Not tonight. Not tomorrow. Hopefully never again.

[Shundi]

I know in many states (Including my native MA) that doctors who enroll in treatment programs are granted immunity from potentially losing their licenses so long as they are upfront and comply with any and all preventative restrictions (Board sanctioned) for the well being of their patients. A friend of my dad's from his med school days had a substance abuse problem (Dr. David Arndt... feel free to google it) and it go so out of control that many of you may have heard the case where he left a patient on the table while he went into Harvard Square to cash a check to support his habit etc.

Please listen to Lani...it's much better to deal with this in a private manner than to have something catastrophic occur and ruin your life and reputation forever. Dr. Arndt lost everything: his money, his reputation, a successful practice, etc. Last I heard he was overdosing in jail.

Best of luck in your recovery!

[lanikai]

Talk about sacrificies, now you must have been really putting a lot away! Q: Where you a daily drinker, or a bing drinker? They both are wrong, just curious. I drink heavily when i get depressed which happens at least once a month. I have been on almost every anti depressants and have not found one that has worked. In my heart and soul I know if my depression could be kicked then drinking would be an after thought.

After your post today I called a friend of mine whom is a physicians and knows one of the most prominant psychologist in the area. My friend called him today after we got off the phone and called me an hour ago. I have an appointment next week. So we will see what this fellow has to say.

In my original post i am not sure but i wanted to clarify that all outstanding orders will be taken care of swiftly. Otherwise, i am going to wait awhile before stepping back into this arena.

Lastly, I would like to think everyone for their support. I have received many emails today, pms, and have not had a drink since last night. Oddly before i wrote this post my original plan was to put my sons to bed, work on a couple of watches and then sit down and whittle down a fifth of A.H. Hirsch. Not tonight. Not tomorrow. Hopefully never again.

Sorry T.. not buying it..

how much I drank is not important.. just know that one was too many and a thousand never enough

wow, no drink since last night .. ok

the alcoholic/addict behavior is as soon as everything seems all good and the heat is off ..... evrythings OK.. oh well

Insanity is defined as.... "doing the same thing expecting different results..."

unless you do what needs to be done .. well this desease is patient .. i will give it that.. but God willing I'll be around if you need..

until then take care

Lani