jonthebhoy

Go to the Paul Picot stand and offer to shine up the rep's Le Plongeur.

Don't then!

I have the three degrees: A first degree in murder (She was a [censored]!) Second degree atrioventricular block and third degree in burns. JTB

How do these people manage to score in the hundreds of thousands??? JTB

There's actually four of him. You've seen the movie 'Westworld'? Welcome to Pugworld. JTB

Get them here! JTB

As far as "Where Are You From?" polls go...........I've seen worse. Admittedly yours lacks a little research and planning with presentation perhaps suffering a tad as well. Seem to have your countries/continents/areas/regions a bit muddled as well which leaves the voter more than a little confused and that can't be good. I believe in encouragement however and would suggest that you practice, practice, practice. I also believe there is a great poll in all of us and yours will surface one day. You tried and that's what counts. Who knows........we may have a "Best Poll" PoM one of these fine days and we'll all be looking out for an entry from dak244. Keep up the good work. JTB

World Championship Snooker

Sorry guys it's final warning time. Please vacate this thread now........it will self destruct in...............

He said "HAL"

Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping . This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford: Dear Mrs. Murray, While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras: 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened. 5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove. 7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it. 9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were. 10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practiced the "Madonna look" using different size funnels. 12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!" 13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the fetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again." And; last, but not least: 14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here." Yours sincerely, Charles Brown Store Manager

I can categorically state that I am alone in my studio right now. JTB

Actually one of the best episodes was when they roadied for 'The Who' and tested out 3 vans as an excuse. (Clarkson being a major Who fan of course) That was a laugh. JTB

It's why I stuck it in the 'Humour' section................killjoy. JTB PS - Pulled the legs off any more spiders lately?

...Stig..................of the dump!

(Ainsley Harriott is a UK celebrity TV chef - housewives darling type) JTB

Interesting and amusing find. Pick up a lollipop when you log out today. JTB

try here

Which reminds me Ken............I'm off to bed! JTB

A lean and mean 6ft and built for speed. JTB

nae problems!

Noob initiation runninghorn. Don't get all bent out of shape about it. Even some current sages have made the same mistake............unless of course your initials are jf and your just trying to build a new unidentifiable persona............in which case............f off! JTB Edited to say..........then again your in the UK so I take the second bit back.

Good one Mike. JTB

I beg your pardon my good man, although I do possess certain skills in the tone lowering department........this time twas tkeeper who strayed from the path of the decent and righteous and tis he who should be the subject of your villification. I was merely a patsy in his sordid little scenario. May the good lord have mercy on you. JTB