jonthebhoy

100

3 sons and 4 daughters.

......eh...........12!

@ infinitime - Has your question been answered to your satisfaction? If so I'm gonna lock the thread. I know........"Party-Pooper" but hey I've been called worse........and judging by some of the wit and repartee in this thread, by better as well! JTB

Yes the virtuoso Mr. Vai. I'm sure if he had more control over his trouser snake he would use that as well. Good clip. Thanks TT. JTB

Up with the bedsheets down with the nighshirt.........fiddle about, fiddle about. Sorry off topic.........back to the [censored] I suppose. JTB

Neil, are we talking acronyms here or 'meaty beaty big and bouncies'? JTB

UNDERGROUND?

N

Congrats Ken.........another millstone milestone! JTB

Good find and now it's added to our own Links section. JTB

That's why it's always important to look beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehind you!

Glad you are safe Admin. Possessions can be replaced. These people will get what's coming to them one day. JTB

9 methinks

They make quite a pair...........Grizzly Adams and Grisly Knickers.

I forgot to add.............they both lived happily ever after!

From one dog lover to another I really feel for you Esteban. Your point about the recent bad feeling posts is well heard as well. JTB

"Who has the best sub?"

Late as ever, I had this: Mildred Ubenflaffer! aka Miss Understood. He was to learn soon that no woman could produce as much awe under a bedsheet as this woman. Some had tried before but they were more "Awe naw!" It all came back to him. The evening started out on his own. “A couple of beers and a takeaway curry” he thought. Ramalama, the Indian barman and owner of Ding Dongs, poured him another cool Tiger beer and John settled in to his seat to watch the game on the big screen. France were playing Italy in the World Head Butting Championships and there were only a total of five men still standing out of each 38 man team AND there was only 4 minutes left. It was a nailbutter! Just as the excitement in the bar was reaching fever pitch. “CRASH!” All three men and the West Highland Terrier in the bar were instantly distracted by the shape of a well heeled, fairly buxom, if a little conservatively dressed, woman in her early forties falling through the doors of the bar muttering “Help me someone, help me” At that moment she collapsed on the floor. Ramalama called for his wife, Mingeeta to attend to the woman. After reviving her with some smelling salts and a slug of Buckfast wine, the woman gathered herself and apologized for the trouble she had caused. Her eyes instantly fixed upon John and she seemed transfixed. He was a handsome Scots lad, 6 foot 1 inch tall with short blonde hair and baby blue eyes. The kind of looks that sent women immediately to the toilet to wring their knickers out. After the strange woman came back from the toilet, she introduced herself to John. “My name is Mildred Ubenflaffer, and I am a journalist. I have been on an assignment for the last 2 years investigating the counterfeit wristwatch industry. My travels have taken me all over the world from Albuquerque to Alice Springs, from Zafra to Zunyi. I have learned that there is one man who sits at the top of the tree and controls the whole murky industry and this night…” she stopped to take another large swig of her wine and to take a breath…”…I think I found him" Mildred went on to explain more…… “I had managed to infiltrate a small clandestine organization known as rwg.cc They took me on as a kind of agony aunt, working with their associates, dealing with small problems and personal hygene advice among other things. They called me Miss Understood and for a while it yielded very little. Some [censored] and bull story about a guy called Blade and some missing watches – but nothing that was worth anything.” “And then I kept getting these strange suggestive seedy messages from one of the guys, who called himself Nanuq. At first It seemed that he was just lonely and needing a bit of female company – he was stuck up in Alaska with a half a dozen huskies to keep him company and nothing more.” “I played him around for a while and then we decided to meet. That meeting was tonight. We agreed to get together and met in a club down the street called ‘The Loony Bin’ run by one time uber-pimp Two Tone. At first the chat was polite and pleasant, but a few drinks later it got a little more salacious. It all culminated in Nanuq unbuttoning his apparel, pulling back the material and whipping it out in front of me.” Mildred stopped again as the shock of that earlier vision returned to her mind. She gathered herself again and went on. “I had never in all my life seen such a thing. I had been brought up to believe that these things were one offs. That they were unique and that no matter how anyone tried, they could never be copied.” “It was the most beautiful 6204 vintage sub. Definitely the best I’d ever seen. He even slipped open the caseback and to my astonishment there was a gleaming and perfect in every detail, caliber A296 movement. He said it was a replica and I saw that it indeed was a work of art and he told me that he could give me one………of the watches. I asked what he was charging and he said it depended on whether I wanted the Swiss or the Asian 296, but that I wasn’t to worry and that he was sure we could work something out. He made a suggestive comment about how he’d like to know how robust I was. Earlier he talked about how he liked to test things to destruction and described all manner of horrible experiments he had carried out on watches and “other things”. At this point I had had enough, he could stick his best sub up his jacksie as far as I was concerned. I moved to leave and he grabbed me and threw me back into the booth, yanking at my undercrackers. He was rough, uncouth, with big rugged hands and on any other day, in any other town I would have succumbed but this lady is made of stronger stuff. I gave him one swift boot to the family jewels and ran out the door and now you find me here. The thing is he told me earlier that he could lay his hands on anything I wanted in the replica watch world. He said he was the man, and he had all the best factories working for him but that I shouldn’t contact him by pm as his mailbox was full.” John had listened to Mildred’s story and was dumbstruck, awestruck and even just struck. He was infatuated, elevated and ingraciated. He was……………never mind. He finished his drink, took her by the hand and took her back to his place and [censored] her. THE END

Must not have already served two terms in office.

Well said Kostas. I'm sure you speak for us all. JTB

Well done puggy! Your prize is a date with Miss Understood. Let me know and I'll arrange it. JTB

Well thanks a bunch Ken, me old ex-mate! That tank was full when I left the house and it was long since found that it had developed a leak. I miss Jane but now have Damien, our beautiful little son, who is doing very well thank you very much and has just started primary school. Sad and lonely? You must be thinking of someone else. I converted to the Mormon Church and now have 18 wives. Stick that in yer didgeridoo and blow it. John PS......What walks on its head?

It'll no be that when you need tae staun ootside the pub inbetween slurps of yer warm pishy beer tae smoke yer pipes. The day is cummin laddie! JTB

is the problem. How did they know there would be a second? JTB