My Dad

[wimpie007]

Damn, just saw this! I wish you the best in these difficult times. When you feel the need to vent please do so here.

It just plain sucks to see someone you care about wither away and become a ghost of the person they were..

[Nanuq]

it evolves into a role reversal, where we, the kids become the parents. Perhaps this is God's way of teaching us that honoring our parents really is one of the ten comandmants, as they gave us life, raised us, and in their last years, taking care of them is the way of things.

Hambone, that is a stunningly gracious thing to say. Earlier you said he was not a good father, yet look at the grace you offer him.

Words like those open a door onto your soul. They reveal painful histories and long struggles to reconcile wounds.

Now you're grown and you've made peace with that part of your youth, and your struggle shows in the words you write about him. Yet you've come out on top, even though you still care for him today. That's an accomplishment to wear with pride.

Game Called.

Across the field of play

the dusk has come, the hour is late.

The fight is done and lost or won,

the player files out through the gate.

The tumult dies, the cheer is hushed,

the stands are bare, the park is still.

But through the night there shines the light,

home beyond the silent hill.

Game Called.

Where in the golden light

the bugle rolled the reveille.

The shadows creep where night falls deep,

and taps has called the end of play.

The game is done, the score is in,

the final cheer and jeer have passed.

But in the night, beyond the fight,

the player finds his rest at last.

Game Called.

Upon the field of life

the darkness gathers far and wide,

the dream is done, the score is spun

that stands forever in the guide.

Nor victory, nor yet defeat

is chalked against the players name.

But down the roll, the final scroll,

shows only how he played the game.

[TeeJay]

It's been months since I scrolled below the Rolex section, and this was the first time I saw this post, and just wanted to say how truly sorry I am to hear of this situation I've never been particularly close to my parents, especially my father. Not that there's ever been any bad blood between us, we're simply two very different people with nothing whatsoever in common, so we never wasted each other's time pretending otherwise, so you're indeed fortunate to have had a father who made such a strong impression on you, and as others have said above, I know you will be able to do what's right and make the time he has fantastic Loss is a funny thing, and although my parents are both still alive, I was always raised with the knowledge that I should have had an elder sister. There's not a day that's gone by since I was first told, that I have not grieved for all those life experiences which fate denied me: The camping trips, the arguments, the confidante, the woman who all girlfriends would have had to live up to, the nieces and nephews I would have had, but in my dreams and my heart, she is always with me, just as when the time comes, your dad will always be with you and your family Our past disagreements? I was raised watching American TV and reading American books, but in England and with over-protective English parents, and thus never 'got' that real life 'busting chops' element of American humor/interactions which you once described. It's only since watching recent shows, that my 'American Humor Firmware' has been upgraded, and I finally 'get it'. Burying the hatchet? There is no hatchet, brother, the fault was mine

[hambone]

Holy smokes you guys... I am overwhelmed by your kind words of wisdom and understanding. I have not seen this post of mine for a few days

and I am not ashamed to say that tears are flowing like a fountain.

I am flying to Denver today, Dad had a 7 hour operation yesterday to drain the huge cysts on his pancreas.5 Doctors have phoned me to advise me of

Dad's status. He is getting the very best care, however being 80 years old, his chances of surviving this are slim. I am so very heartbroken that

it is up to me to make life or death decisions on my Father. Somehow it does not seem fair, but I must honor what he has told me years ago about

being in this situation, and that is he does not want to suffer and die peacefully. So, I , having POA gave the Docs the do not recusitate order. I feel

it would be selfish of me to do otherwise.

From the bottom of my heart, I thank you all for your words of support. You guys have helped me more than I can express. Aloha, Eric

[TeeJay]

Holy smokes you guys... I am overwhelmed by your kind words of wisdom and understanding. I have not seen this post of mine for a few days

and I am not ashamed to say that tears are flowing like a fountain.

I am flying to Denver today, Dad had a 7 hour operation yesterday to drain the huge cysts on his pancreas.5 Doctors have phoned me to advise me of

Dad's status. He is getting the very best care, however being 80 years old, his chances of surviving this are slim. I am so very heartbroken that

it is up to me to make life or death decisions on my Father. Somehow it does not seem fair, but I must honor what he has told me years ago about

being in this situation, and that is he does not want to suffer and die peacefully. So, I , having POA gave the Docs the do not recusitate order. I feel

it would be selfish of me to do otherwise.

From the bottom of my heart, I thank you all for your words of support. You guys have helped me more than I can express. Aloha, Eric

Safe travels, I hope your dad's as comfortable as possible

[Donerix 2.0]

Hambone:

I respect a lot that you had the courage to share your experience with us. I hope you can make the last phase of your father's life as enjoyable as possible under the circumstances.

I don't really have a close relationship with my father (or any, the last time we talked is 25 years ago), but my mother has been more than a mother and a father in one person and we communicate daily even if we live far apart in this world). My mother is slowly getting closer to the time when ailments become more and more frequent, despite her disciplined life style and her general good physical shape. I am very worried about her falling seriously sick one day, but your post has given me strength to be there for her when it happens.

All the best to you and your family.

[Martyd3]

I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I lost my dad a year and a half ago. Although every situation is different, I can understand the pain you are feeling. I think we all were elevated in some way, by things our dad's did or didn't do for our benefit and deflated by other things. My dad wasn't perfect, but he was one of the most important things in my life. Please try to make your peace if you haven't done so already and tell your dad that everything is ok. Time does heal all wounds and has a way of making bad things seem not so bad and good things seem even better. My thought and prayers are you, your dad and your family.

Marty

[Legend]

Dear Hambone

It must be tough to be someone in your position. Everytime I hear about something like this, my feelings go out for those involved. Believe me when I tell you that its not a statement of general sympathy. I am one of those surviving the suicide of someone who was close to me. I am still trying to get over it.

P.S. You have a very beautiful dog. Cherish it well.. Is it of a good size?

[Smqsub]

There's been some amazing replies to you're thread.

I can't say anymore.

What I will say is that somewhere you have to find strength.

Your dad has lived his life how he wanted to. Fair play.

I've been in a similar position.

Make the most of anytime left.

[Nanuq]

Make the most of anytime left.

Truer words were never spoken.

It can seem like we have all the time in the world when life is easy, and each day doesn't mean a lot.

But when life takes a turn, each day becomes incredibly valuable.

After the storm, that's still a good way to approach life.

[maxman]

Wow Eric....I was really moved by your situation. I wasn't here for the most of May June July. So I didn't read your post until yesterday. I was so affected emotionally on several levels. My mother Is a alcoholic who got sober with the help of AA back In 1992. If It were not for that help she would have been gone many years ago....Im sure of It. She's 80 now and still going strong. I think most of us here know a alcoholic In are family or a friend who Is affected. It does Indeed touch so many of are lives. So I can relate on that level alone

The other thing I can relate to is having a father who Is...or "was" sick...as In my case. One day he was a healthy 74 year old man who never drank or smoked and took very good care of himself. The next day he could not get out of bed...he had contacted a severe staph Infection. I was very close to my father...he was my best friend...not only my dad. Long story short...after being In the hospital for about two months he went to sleep and never woke up. He had a brain aneurysm In the middle of the night. My father had always told me that he never would want to be kept alive by artificial means. What kind of life Is that...he would ask. I agreed that I would not want that for myself as well. So after three days with no Imporvement my mother and I had to make that dreadful decision. Although we knew what his wishes were...It was still so difficult to make such a decision. But we had to let him go...the most painful day of my life. It was just a awful time. I spent the next three months at the bottom of a a bottle. I did not want to feel that pain. So I drank it away. I finally realized that drinking would not bring my father back and only end up killing myself In the process. I have to give you a lot of credit Eric...It takes courage to be as honset as you have. More courage than I have my friend. Your father has a very good son Eric....he's lucky you didn't hold a grudge...so many would have. It's hard on a kid not to have a father around. But whoever raised you did a dam good job.

So thank you Eric for keeping It real. Thank you for reminding us how fragile life can be.... are emotions as well. If you ever want to talk one on one....please feel free to PM me anytime. I will leave you my email just In case. I wish your father the best possible outcome considering the circumstances. I hope your father go's peacefully. The very best wishes from North carolina USA.

Mike

[Nanuq]

It is SO humbling to be part of this place we call RWG.

Well said, gents.

[dieselpower]

Hi Eric,

Came to this thread late. Sorry. Have no experience of what you're going through. I have however had my share of life's darker times. I can tell you this one thing. When all seems lost, when all hope is gone, when loneliness hurts more than any physical wound. Hang on, hang on, don't pretend, don't dream just hang on, with your fingernails just hang on. It will get better for you and those around you. That I can promise, it WILL get better. Your Dad, one day will pass but hang on in there, when you can see nothing but darkness, just hang on, you need do no more and God knows doing that is a mammouth task but just hang on is all. Let time do its thing and you will be amazed. Love to you and yours.

[Legend]

safe travels and all the best wishes for you and your dad

[maxman]

It is SO humbling to be part of this place we call RWG.

Well said, gents.

I couldn't possibly agree more Nanuq. The honesty and depth of sincerity here at RWG blow me away. RWG...a awesome place with awesome people.

Mike

[Legend]

I couldn't possibly agree more Nanuq. The honesty and depth of sincerity here at RWG blow me away. RWG...a awesome place with awesome people.

Mike

And enough interesting pictures and signatures to brighten anyone's days.

[maxman]

And enough interesting pictures and signatures to brighten anyone's days.

[chiefwiggum]

God Bless you, your father and your family hambone. I'll think of you all in my prayers.

[HauteHippie]

Don't know if I've already responded to this thread or not. Hambone, your initial post was made 5 days before my mother passed away unexpectedly - 2 months ago tomorrow. She passed as a result of factors entirely out of her control, not due to any decisions made on her part. Meanwhile my own [censored], type-2 diabetic, overweight, high cholesterol, gout-ridden father's heart ticks on. Sometimes life just sucks. My advise is to spend as much of your time and energy as possible striving being a better parent to your children than your father was to you because that will bring you ultimate satisfaction. Our kids are the joy of life and as you said there is nothing more important that family. In the most difficult of times, you always have that source of joy and happiness.

[tabularasa415]

I can't believe I just now saw this thread. I'm sorry to hear you're in such a situation. As others here have stated, cherish the good times you have left. You're a true humanitarian and a damn good son. And you know you have this group of brothers here to lean on...

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[maxman]

Don't know if I've already responded to this thread or not. Hambone, your initial post was made 5 days before my mother passed away unexpectedly - 2 months ago tomorrow. She passed as a result of factors entirely out of her control, not due to any decisions made on her part. Meanwhile my own [censored], type-2 diabetic, overweight, high cholesterol, gout-ridden father's heart ticks on. Sometimes life just sucks. My advise is to spend as much of your time and energy as possible striving being a better parent to your children than your father was to you because that will bring you ultimate satisfaction. Our kids are the joy of life and as you said there is nothing more important that family. In the most difficult of times, you always have that source of joy and happiness.

My condolences HH.

[Nanuq]

Shakespeare could say things between the lines that I find impossible to put to words.

This day is called the Feast of Crispian.

He that outlives this day and comes safe home

Will stand a-tiptoe when this day is named

And rouse him at the name of Crispian.

He that shall see this day and live t' old age

Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours

And say, "Tomorrow is Saint Crispian."

Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars

And say, "These wounds I had on Crispin's day."

Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,

But he'll remember, with advantages

What feats he did that day.

Then shall our names, familiar in his mouth as household words —

Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,

Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester —

Be in their flowing cups freshly remembered.

This story shall the good man teach his son,

And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by

From this day to the ending of the world,

But we in it shall be remembered,

We few, we happy few, we band of brothers.

For he today that sheds his blood with me

Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,

This day shall gentle his condition.

And gentlemen in England now abed

Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,

And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks

That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's Day.

[hambone]

I have not been able to read this post for awhile, as the subject is painful. I want to express to HauteHippie, how deeply sorry I am for your Mom;s passing and your Dad's decline in health. Life is a precious gift, which we often take for granted. The kind words and cameraderie of the members here is overwhelming. Really. This forum has many very fine people.

Now....Good News..The doctors told me my Dad had a 1% chance of ever walking out of a hospital. I flew to Denver weeks ago to see him after a 7 hour operation.
He looked so small and nearly dead.I returned to Las Vegas in agony to keep working, as life goes on, and Dad got better day by day. He was transferred back to the nursing home in Morrison, Colorado, where his feeding tube was removed, and now walks around with a cane. He is doing ok for an 80 year old fellow. I have been to Denver so mny times that my employer wont allow more time off, so Dad will fly here first class next week to live with me in my 4 bedroom home with 4 dogs. I am thankful to God for giving my Father the strength to recover from what would have killed most people. My Grand Aunt Lea lived to be 104 years. We are a family of Finlanders, who have good genes, but some of us, myself included, drink to damn much. My Great Grandfather died in a sauna, his last words were that he wanted a beer. Ha!

God Bless all of you here at RWG. I am proud to be included in a place with so many fine souls. Thank you all for your support and prayers. They worked!

[Nanuq]

Amen, brother. This is spectacularly good news! In a couple years we'll all look back on this thread and laugh, as you post yet again how your dad keeps hitting your dogs with his cane because they ate his newspaper.

Thanks for letting us know.

And HH, I'm sorry. Man that stuff hurts.

[hambone]

Thank you Nanuq. Thanks to all of you. If ever you are in Las Vegas, I will buy you a beer. I work in the Venetian, right on the canal with the singing gondoliers.

It is much like Venice, without the farm smells.