TB, I am nowhere near the smartest guy in the room, but I've learned a few things. One is, if you're asking questions like that, chances are you have a reasonable concern. If there's a concern, then something deep in your mind is trying to get your attention. It's putting two and two together and coming up with an answer it doesn't much like. That's a good thing. Your subconscious is sending you a signal that it's worried. My advice... pay attention to it. I have some friends here that are in recovery and swear by the AA program. Go find a meeting and give them a chance. If you really do have a problem, they'll do anything to help you. If you don't have a problem you'll make some amazing friends and still be welcome to attend. Steel sharpens steel. Find some steel to stand with you.