Nanuq Posted June 27, 2007 Report Share Posted June 27, 2007 When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down. Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably. Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous. What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out. Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade. Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face. In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer. Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?" Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris. Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face. There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on. Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5. Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it. Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter. If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side. While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris. If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys. When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders. Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier. Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wheaton26 Posted June 27, 2007 Report Share Posted June 27, 2007 awesome! p.s. chuck norris once visited the virgin islands ... now it's just the islands. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b16a2 Posted June 27, 2007 Report Share Posted June 27, 2007 haha very good, yet he still couldn't defeat Bruce Lee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wheaton26 Posted June 27, 2007 Report Share Posted June 27, 2007 haha very good, yet he still couldn't defeat Bruce Lee what did you say? maybe you should re-read the original post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b16a2 Posted June 27, 2007 Report Share Posted June 27, 2007 what did you say? maybe you should re-read the original post. ................ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b16a2 Posted June 27, 2007 Report Share Posted June 27, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P4GTR Posted June 27, 2007 Report Share Posted June 27, 2007 It seems like it was just last year when I read these for the first time. Wait.. It was last year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pugwash Posted June 27, 2007 Report Share Posted June 27, 2007 http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/ Or, from the voice of The Chuck himself: http://youtube.com/watch?v=l8k3uGzgZIs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P4GTR Posted June 27, 2007 Report Share Posted June 27, 2007 It just SEEMS like last year. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked you back in time from your REAL timeframe 10 years from now. Really it was 11 years ago. Wait a minute. Are we talking COSC here or are you just guesstimating? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steppen Posted June 27, 2007 Report Share Posted June 27, 2007 Or, from the voice of The Chuck himself: http://youtube.com/watch?v=l8k3uGzgZIs for a man who can do so much, he cant read very well can he? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P4GTR Posted June 27, 2007 Report Share Posted June 27, 2007 Well, since it was a roundhouse kick, I am rounding ... to the nearest year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KB Posted June 27, 2007 Report Share Posted June 27, 2007 Quite a few years back I was in a taxi in Fiji with my wife and I noticed the taxi driver kept looking at me in the rear view mirror, so I said to my wife find out what gives (as the driver could only speak Hindi) and she told me he thinks I look like Chuck Norris, so I said "Tell him I am and if he cheats on the fare I'll kick the sh*t out of him!" True story Ken Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merlin Posted October 14, 2008 Report Share Posted October 14, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alphakazi Posted October 14, 2008 Report Share Posted October 14, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krayfish Posted October 21, 2008 Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 LMAO these are so funny, love it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MAHLER Posted October 21, 2008 Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 if I remember correctly was one of our dealer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoJo35 Posted November 5, 2008 Report Share Posted November 5, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spooky driver Posted June 12, 2009 Report Share Posted June 12, 2009 Chuck Norris in 300 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nanuq Posted June 12, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 12, 2009 It's not Global Warming... Somewhere, Chuck Norris is exercising. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ronin Posted June 12, 2009 Report Share Posted June 12, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwoTone Posted November 29, 2011 Report Share Posted November 29, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maxman Posted November 29, 2011 Report Share Posted November 29, 2011 .....DAM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wat44 Posted November 29, 2011 Report Share Posted November 29, 2011 no one can necro bump like chuck norris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
subbiesrock Posted November 29, 2011 Report Share Posted November 29, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
subbiesrock Posted November 29, 2011 Report Share Posted November 29, 2011 Chuck Norris can beat Guitar Hero on Expert Mode.. ..using only 1 finger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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