Sorry guys, but I need to vent...

[TeeJay]

As folks know, I'm getting married in February. Tonight, we got a text message from my wife's biological father, saying that none of his side of the family would be attending the reception to which they were invited

Why does this make me so angry? Well, the ceremony itself is so small, that not even my parents are going to be there, as we're having a small ceremony and inviting people to the reception instead. Now, I paid for a meal so we could tell him the plans and give him the invitation, but, he wasn't man enough to say to my face that he wouldn't be coming, nor enough of a father to make even a token gesture to pay for anything. He did, however, send a text several days later, asking if my mother in law would be at the reception (?!?!?! WTF?!?!?! Like the mother of the bride wouldn't be there?!?!?!) After a few texts re-iterating that they were all welcome to come, in the end, we sent a message saying that if they did not want to come, just to say so. After a silence of several days, rather than clarifying attendance, he asked if we would be seeing him boxing day (as we always have done in the past) Rather than falling for this trap, we asked if he could confirm if they were attending the reception, and the response was that none of his side of the family would be attending (bearing in mind that he is not actually in a position to speak for all those people).

Just to put this in perspective, this is a man who, when his daughter was six years old, pretended to be booking a foreign holiday, then, when her bags were all packed, turned up on the day saying that they had to cancel as the passports had been lost...

This is a man who never paid a day of the child maintenance he owed until he was threatened with prison.

This is a man who, if he continues to repay the child maintenance at the current rate, will still be repaying in a decade.

This is a man who never even offered to pay a penny towards his daughter's wedding.

Of course, it goes without saying, that when we obtained our marriage licenses, my wife had her step-father's name put in the place of 'father'.

I don't think words can describe just what kind of scum her biological father is, but hopefully, this will be the last time we ever have to communicate with him.

Sorry for the rant, I just can't contain how utterly furious I am right now

[fauxlex]

Well if it makes you feel any better, I doubt anyone will be attending his funeral.

[FxrAndy]

Sounds like you are better off with out him there!

[KB]

Ultimatum time TeeJay

Tell him if he doesn't attend the wedding then it will be the last time he will see either of you.

You may believe he wont care but I'm sure it will give him something to think about.

Ken

[TeeJay]

Well if it makes you feel any better, I doubt anyone will be attending his funeral.

You're right there

Sounds like you are better off with out him there!

Oh absolutely. I'm not angry that he isn't coming, as, from that perspective, neither of us actually wanted him to attend. What's made me so angry, is that it shows that his daughter means absolutely nothing to him, and just shows him to be scum of the heighest order. How someone can have such an utter lack of conscience towards their own child (and has displayed this kind of behaviour throughout her life) just angers me more than I can express.

On a happier note, I hope all is well with you

Ultimatum time TeeJay

Tell him if he doesn't attend the wedding then it will be the last time he will see either of you.

You may believe he wont care but I'm sure it will give him something to think about.

Ken

The really scary thing, my friend, is that he really would not care one bit. His behaviour throughout the years has proved that. This was just the final proof. I mean, when we first said "if you don't want to come, just say so" there was no response for 3 days. Any normal person could have just said "Sorry, we can't come as it would be an awkward situation" or anything along those lines. Of course, any parent with a scrap of decency would put aside any personal discomfort, and attend for the sake of their child. Instead, he tried to avoid the issue by asking about the boxing day plans, but of course, we had already anticipated that so deflected it with a request for a confirmation about the reception. It was only then that he replied that no one would be coming. If that was the case, why not just say so three days ago... Or when I'd paid for a meal for everyone... We just replied saying that as no one would be attending the reception, we wouldn't be coming on boxing day as it would be an extremely uncomfortable situation for everyone, which to be honest, it would have been. Besides, of people didn't want to come to our reception, why would we want gifts from them? The one funny thing about this, is when my wife's colleagues find out about this, he won't dare set foot in her store ever again A shop staffed primarily by middle-aged mothers (some of them single mums)... When they find out about this, they'll crucify him

Thanks for the words of encouragement, brothers, it is much appreciated

[Pugwash]

Tell him if he doesn't attend the wedding then it will be the last time he will see either of you.

No, don't as that may actually make him turn up and turn it into his day.

Just walk away from it. He's out of your life; don't get sucked into whatever issues he has. It simply isn't your problem any more.

[TeeJay]

No, don't as that may actually make him turn up and turn it into his day.

Just walk away from it. He's out of your life; don't get sucked into whatever issues he has. It simply isn't your problem any more.

That's precisely what I was thinking. He's a lying, conniving SOB who, when texting my mother in law (his ex wife) to find out about the reception, he lied and put words in his daughter's mouth to try and shift the blame away from himself. To say he's pathetic is an understatement. Equally, to say I'm glad we're rid of him is an understatement. I'm just furious at the contempt which he has always treated his daughter, all the while maintaining the facade of being a considerate and caring absent parent... To say he'll get his comeuppance (in this life or the next) is also an understatement

[Samurai]

Be happy TJ.....say good riddance to bad rubbish. This guy is a scum of the earth....and an opportunity to distance yourself from him...is God sent.

[hiker01]

H ey TJ!

Don't let this AHOLE Of a person get to you, 'cause if you do, he wins his stupid game! Just consider this person gone from you and your wife's life! Not worth it!

Cheers! Be happy!

F

[ryyannon]

He sounds like a very sad person.

Say a prayer for him, and then get on with your lives.

[Shundi]

Just walk away from it. He's out of your life; don't get sucked into whatever issues he has. It simply isn't your problem any more.

Agreed.

[kronos twin]

I'm very sorry to hear this, but like the other peeps here have said, you're better off. Don't counter his negative energy and carelessness with a response to him. Invest that energy into your wife instead. I really hope you have a wonderful wedding, man.

[dangerman]

I feel for you. What an appalling man. I just can't understand how some people think to act in ways like this.

But I think the others have given good advice. This was just the last straw. He will only cause you pain, and you must not let him do so. Don't do anything rash. But you must not give him any further thought from this day on. Have as little to do with him as possible.

The good thing about this incident is that it lets you cut him from your life, and have no regrets about it.

He can go [censored] himself as far as you both are concerned.

Sorry I know you already know what to do, but it really got me riled up reading about this.

[RobbieG]

+1. I feel for you brother TJ. Not that it makes you feel any better but most families have something like that - I do too...

And start sending him your dead Asian reps on your anniversary every year too. Enclose a blank note on your wife stationary printed with her Step-Father's last name on it to punctuate your "message"...

No, don't as that may actually make him turn up and turn it into his day.

Just walk away from it. He's out of your life; don't get sucked into whatever issues he has. It simply isn't your problem any more.

[P8B]

Relax TJ, you choose your friends but not your family... Sometimes they are just like that...

Enjoy your wedding mate and look forward to the other thing you need to put in place

[TeeJay]

Thanks for all the support, amigos, it is all very much appreciated. After a night's sleep, I'm feeling better about the situation, but the underlying anger that a 'parent' could behave that way towards their child is still there. I just can't believe that someone could actually be so utterly failing as a human being as to behave that way. He doesn't have to get on with, or even like me, so that's never concerned me, but to treat his own daughter that way... It just makes me furious...

Of all the suggestion, this stood out the most:

+1. I feel for you brother TJ. Not that it makes you feel any better but most families have something like that - I do too...

And start sending him your dead Asian reps on your anniversary every year too. Enclose a blank note on your wife stationary printed with her Step-Father's last name on it to punctuate your "message"...

For some reason, I really like the sound of that plan. Ironically, he actually services watches (if swapping quartz batteries and straps counts as 'servicing' as we would understand the term ) so sending him some dead reps would certainly have some kind of perverse irony to it

Thanks again, amigos

[bvc]

If I was the person I was 20 years ago I would have burned down my inlaws house with them inside it, without a second thought.

Trust me mate, its your wife that matters. I learned an important lesson from a very together friend several years ago. For someone to mess with your head they need one thing................................Your permission!

Drop this bum and take the highground. He is nothing to you.

[bvc]

Thanks for all the support, amigos, it is all very much appreciated. After a night's sleep, I'm feeling better about the situation, but the underlying anger that a 'parent' could behave that way towards their child is still there. I just can't believe that someone could actually be so utterly failing as a human being as to behave that way. He doesn't have to get on with, or even like me, so that's never concerned me, but to treat his own daughter that way... It just makes me furious...

Of all the suggestion, this stood out the most:

For some reason, I really like the sound of that plan. Ironically, he actually services watches (if swapping quartz batteries and straps counts as 'servicing' as we would understand the term ) so sending him some dead reps would certainly have some kind of perverse irony to it

Thanks again, amigos

Personally I would just post him a turd.

[TeeJay]

If I was the person I was 20 years ago I would have burned down my inlaws house with them inside it, without a second thought.

Trust me mate, its your wife that matters. I learned an important lesson from a very together friend several years ago. For someone to mess with your head they need one thing................................Your permission!

Drop this bum and take the highground. He is nothing to you.

I have to admit, it would be fun to torch his place, but the jail time wouldn't be worth it

Thanks for the support, bro, it's much appreciated

[RobbieG]

You just made me think of something. My college roomate's Step Father was a real a*s and I forget but he did something real bad to Dave (my roommate). I forget what it was, but Dave never liked the guy and whatever it was ended up being the last straw I guess in his eyes. So he goes home for Christmas to CT as usual. He was kind of a rich kid. Grew up in Greenwich. It turns out his mom had bought his Step Dad a brand new S500 for a gift. On Christmas eve Dave waits until everyone is asleep and carries out his plan. He eats a high octane meal consisting of Mexican food, french fries and ice cream and a few hours later the rumblings hit him. He takes a massive sh*t in a brown paper lunch bag and puts it aside outdoors. He then proceeded to take the entire dash apart on the new Benz, then takes the bag and buried it in there somewhere and put it back together. The story goes that the Step Dad was going crazy trying to figure out why his car was smelling so bad. He literally couldn't even go in it. After a day or two he called the dealer and returned the car refusing to pay for it and the dealer said whatever was causing the smell was his problem and didn't want to take it back. There was a huge fight and I forget what the outcome was. But to this day nobody but me ever knew what Dave did. You might want to give that one a shot TJ.

PS: Dave loved to do stuff like that ever since whenever he was mad. Later, a hotel gave him crappy service and wouldn't credit him so he welled up a whole roasted chicken inside the television set in his room and checked out...

Personally I would just post him a turd.

[Cats]

Tee-jay,

don't let one of the best days in your life being ruined by this guy.

I don't know him but form what i read he doesn't disurve to be present on you wedding.

Can imagine that it might be painfull but he showed his real face once again.

Just try to forget and imagine he never excisted..

Carpe Diem

Cats

[RobbieG]

So you are saying TJ shouldn't replicate Dave's turd-in-a-sack move then Cats?

Just try to forget and imagine he never excisted..

Carpe Diem

Cats

[bvc]

You just made me think of something. My college roomate's Step Father was a real a*s and I forget but he did something real bad to Dave (my roommate). I forget what it was, but Dave never liked the guy and whatever it was ended up being the last straw I guess in his eyes. So he goes home for Christmas to CT as usual. He was kind of a rich kid. Grew up in Greenwich. It turns out his mom had bought his Step Dad a brand new S500 for a gift. On Christmas eve Dave waits until everyone is asleep and carries out his plan. He eats a high octane meal consisting of Mexican food, french fries and ice cream and a few hours later the rumblings hit him. He takes a massive sh*t in a brown paper lunch bag and puts it aside outdoors. He then proceeded to take the entire dash apart on the new Benz, then takes the bag and buried it in there somewhere and put it back together. The story goes that the Step Dad was going crazy trying to figure out why his car was smelling so bad. He literally couldn't even go in it. After a day or two he called the dealer and returned the car refusing to pay for it and the dealer said whatever was causing the smell was his problem and didn't want to take it back. There was a huge fight and I forget what the outcome was. But to this day nobody but me ever knew what Dave did. You might want to give that one a shot TJ.

PS: Dave loved to do stuff like that ever since whenever he was mad. Later, a hotel gave him crappy service and wouldn't credit him so he welled up a whole roasted chicken inside the television set in his room and checked out...

My personal favorite would be to put a paper bag full of the brown stuff on his doormat. Put a match to it, Ring the doorbell and run. He comes out and stamps out the fire ...............He has a shoe covered in poo poo, you get your gratis.

Or you could have done with it and just lay him out. It never ceases to amaze me the effect a good crack on the jaw can have.

BVC.

[hilts]

Be happy TJ.....say good riddance to bad rubbish.

Drop this bum and take the highground. He is nothing to you.

+1 for all of this from me.

Concentrate on making it a day to remember for all the right reasons, not all the wrong ones. Enjoy!

[TeeJay]

You just made me think of something. My college roomate's Step Father was a real a*s and I forget but he did something real bad to Dave (my roommate). I forget what it was, but Dave never liked the guy and whatever it was ended up being the last straw I guess in his eyes. So he goes home for Christmas to CT as usual. He was kind of a rich kid. Grew up in Greenwich. It turns out his mom had bought his Step Dad a brand new S500 for a gift. On Christmas eve Dave waits until everyone is asleep and carries out his plan. He eats a high octane meal consisting of Mexican food, french fries and ice cream and a few hours later the rumblings hit him. He takes a massive sh*t in a brown paper lunch bag and puts it aside outdoors. He then proceeded to take the entire dash apart on the new Benz, then takes the bag and buried it in there somewhere and put it back together. The story goes that the Step Dad was going crazy trying to figure out why his car was smelling so bad. He literally couldn't even go in it. After a day or two he called the dealer and returned the car refusing to pay for it and the dealer said whatever was causing the smell was his problem and didn't want to take it back. There was a huge fight and I forget what the outcome was. But to this day nobody but me ever knew what Dave did. You might want to give that one a shot TJ.

PS: Dave loved to do stuff like that ever since whenever he was mad. Later, a hotel gave him crappy service and wouldn't credit him so he welled up a whole roasted chicken inside the television set in his room and checked out...

That's just savage I like your boy's style

Tee-jay,

don't let one of the best days in your life being ruined by this guy.

I don't know him but form what i read he doesn't disurve to be present on you wedding.

Can imagine that it might be painfull but he showed his real face once again.

Just try to forget and imagine he never excisted..

Carpe Diem

Cats

Thanks, and indeed, that's why we never invited him to the wedding itself, although in all honesty, we could have invited him at the expense of other guests, but, that would simply have been a case of inviting him to placate him, and in all honesty, he simply doesn't deserve any such consideration, and indeed, letting things play out as they have, has simply made him show his true colors. I think it will simply be a case of having no more contact with him, which I'm quite happy with

On a more positive note, I'm going to the jeweler's tomorrow, for a final consultation on my wedding ring which is being custom-made for me It's going to be a titanium recreation of my engagement ring, which is a sterling silver court ring, with engravings reminiscent of the patterning on the Stargate