jonthebhoy

I wonder what eejit started that one. JTB

Hope you checked the "Use By" dates! :yucky: JTB

Revenge is a dish best served JTB

After 8 pints of Guinness it makes perfect sense to me! JTB

I laughed heartily Alan. Were you not a moderator this would surely be a contender for PoM! JTB

Hal..........I wrote you a song. Hope you like it: A man walks down the street, He says, Why am I soft in the middle now? Why am I soft in the middle? The rest of my life is so hard! I need a photo-opportunity, I want a shot at redemption! Don't want to end up a cartoon, In a cartoon graveyard ..... Bonedigger, Bonedigger, Dogs in the moonlight. Far away, my well-lit door. Mr. Beerbelly, Beerbelly, Get these mutts away from me! You know, I don't find this stuff amusing anymore .... If you'll be my bodyguard, I can be your long lost pal! I can call you Betty, And Betty, when you call me, You can call me Hal! A man walks down the street, He says, Why am I short of attention? Got a short little span of attention, And whoa, my nights are so long! Where's my wife and family? What if I die here? Who'll be my role-model? Now that my role-model is .... Gone ...... gone, He ducked back down the Halley, With some roly-poly, little bat-faced girl. all along .... along .... There were incidents and accidents, There were hints and allegations ..... If you'll be my bodyguard, I can be your long lost pal! I can call you Betty, And Betty, when you call me, You can call me Hal! Call me Hal ...... A man walks down the street, It's a street in a strange world. Maybe it's the Third World. Maybe it's his first time around. He doesn't speak the language, He holds no currency. He is a foreign man, He is surrounded by the sound, sound .... Cattle in the marketplace. Scatterlings and orphanages. He looks around, around ..... He sees angels in the architecture, Spinning in infinity, He says, Amen! and Hallelujah! If you'll be my bodyguard, I can be your long lost pal! I can call you Betty, And Betty, when you call me, You can call me Hal! You can call me Hal ...... JTB

Very sorry Bob. So soon after losing your Scout friend too. JTB

Yes I thought so to. Very naive tactics. I feel that England (after the World Cup) are about to enter a dark period in their football history. JTB

Are you a good yodeller? JTB

Hal be your long haired lover from Liverpool............. HAL please complete this lyric. JTB

You saucy devil you! JTB

I learned the truth at seventeen That love was meant for beauty queens And high school girls with clear skinned smiles Who married young and then retired. The valentines I never knew The Friday night charades of youth Were spent on one more beautiful At seventeen I learned the truth. And those of us with ravaged faces Lacking in the social graces Desperately remained at home Inventing lovers on the phone Who called to say come dance with me and murmured vague obscenities It isn't all it seems At seventeen. A brown eyed girl in hand me downs Whose name I never could pronounce said, Pity please the ones who serve They only get what they deserve. The rich relationed hometown queen Married into what she needs A guarantee of company And haven for the elderly. Remember those who win the game Lose the love they sought to gain Indebentures of quality And dubious integrity. Their small town eyes will gape at you in dull surprise when payment due Exceeds accounts received At seventeen. To those of us who know the pain Of valentines that never came, And those whose names were never called When choosing sides for basketball. It was long ago and far away The world was younger than today And dreams were all they gave for free To ugly duckling girls like me. We all play the game and when we dare To cheat ourselves at solitaire Inventing lovers on the phone Repenting other lives unknown That call and say, come dance with me and murmur vague obscenities At ugly girls like me At seventeen

HALLO HAL hows the HALitosis these days? Eating plenty HALibut like I told you to? JTB

A very nice duo Paul. JTB

Nice collection Chris, esp. that 1680. So what's the lucky one for Saturday? JTB

The greatest Swede of them all............................. JTB

You've still got lots more than me! JTB

Any shots of the little lady minus the shirt Ed? JTB

I think we need to give Paul some time and space to show us what he can do for us although personally, the absence of Paypal makes it awkward for me to buy from him. JTB

Brilliant froggy!

Nice new geetar......and that'll be the Mex Strat at the back? JTB

The UK original was hilarious. Hope Ricky hasn't peaked too soon though! JTB

Real Women v Delia Delia's Way Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice-cream drips. The Real Woman's Way Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for God's sake. You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway. Delia's Way To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes. The Real Woman's Way Buy Smash and keep it in the cupboard for up to a year. Delia's Way When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking tin, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake. The Real Woman's Way Tescos' sell cakes. They even do decorated versions. Delia's Way If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a potato slice. The Real Woman's Way If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's tough sh!t. Please recite with me the Real Woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes." Delia's Way Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks The Real Woman's Way It could keep forever. Who eats it? Delia's Way Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead.The throbbing will go away. The Real Woman's Way Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and drop it in 8 ounces of vodka. Drink the vodka. You might still have the headache, but you wont give a sh*t? Delia's Way If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy. The Real Woman's Way Why do I have a man? Finally the most important tip Delia's Way Freeze leftover wine into ice cubes for future use in casseroles The Real Woman's Way Left over wine???? Helllloooo

How does David Blane fit into a sphere which is no bigger than your Explorer? JTB

THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD Well, it's [censored] ... that's right, [censored]! [censored] may just be the most functional word in the English language. Consider: You can get [censored]-faced, Be [censored]-out-of-luck, Or have [censored] for brains. With a little effort, you can get your [censored] together, find a place for your [censored], or be asked to [censored] or get off the pot. You can smoke [censored], buy [censored], sell [censored], lose [censored], find [censored], forget [censored], and tell others to eat [censored]. Some people know their [censored], while others can't tell the difference between [censored] and shineola. There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull [censored], horse [censored], and chicken [censored]. You can throw [censored], sling [censored], catch [censored], shoot the [censored], or duck when the [censored] hits the fan. You can give a [censored] or serve [censored] on a shingle. You can find yourself in deep [censored] or be happier than a pig in [censored]. Some days are colder than [censored], some days are hotter than [censored], and some days are just plain shitty. Some music sounds like [censored], things can look like [censored], and there are times when you feel like [censored]. You can have too much [censored], not enough [censored], the right [censored], the wrong [censored] or a lot of weird [censored]. You can carry [censored], have a mountain of [censored], or find yourself up [censored] creek without a paddle. Sometimes everything you touch turns to [censored] and other times you fall in a bucket of [censored] and come out smelling like a rose. When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language. And remember, once you know your [censored], you don't need to know anything else!! You could pass this along, if you give a [censored]; or not do so if you don't give a [censored]! Well, [censored], it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a [censored] and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of [censored]. But, if you happened to catch a load of [censored] from some [censored]-head........... Well, [censored] Happens!!!