Hey mate, my heart goes out to you. I don't really think its productive to be bad mouthing your ex though. I know, she was supposed to love you through sickness and health, but sometimes life doesn't work out like you want. You admit that you don't even remember how you behaved on medication, so maybe she was justified in leaving. Maybe she didn't see a viable happy ending anywhere in the future.
What you gotta do is to stop taking drugs. Then you've got to get serious about getting well. Pain killers just hide the pain, they don't take it away. Pain is your body telling you that something is wrong. By taking medication without dealing with the cause, you are simply ignoring what your body is telling you. Your life is just going to spiral until you get this sorted mate.
My prayers are with you...
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