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jonthebhoy

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Posts posted by jonthebhoy

  4. Mathematics

    in The looney bin

    Posted

    From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

    What Makes 100%?

    What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

    Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

    We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

    How about achieving 103%?

    What makes up 100% in life?

    Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these

    questions:

    If:

    A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:

    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

    Then:

    H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K is

    8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%*

    **And*

    K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E is

    11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

    But,

    A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E is

    1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

    And,

    B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T is

    2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

    AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

    A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G

    1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

    So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that, while* Hard Work*

    and* Knowledge* will get you close, and* Attitude** will* get you there,

    it's the* [censored]* and* Asskissing* that will put you over the top.

    */Don't you just Love it!!!/*

  12. If You Could Meet...

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    My goodness, are you talking about the Bond film with Halle Barry? I remember she made some utterly dastardly comment when he met her on the beach, but I can't remember what it was... help me out here?

    For your viewing pleasure...

    158592-12958.jpg

    One more... it is Miss Understood who has her knickers in a knot over ME, not the other way around.

    Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww......... :yucky:

    Interestingly enough..............have you met Glasgow's next Bond girl, Hairy Bella?

    158592-12959.jpg

    JTB

  14. Garda - A Classic

    in The looney bin

    Posted

    From the State where drink driving is considered a sport, comes a true

    story from Carrick-on-Suir Ireland.

    Recently a routine Gardai patrol parked outside a local neighbourhood

    tavern. Late in the evening the Garda noticed a man leaving the bar so

    intoxicated that he could barely walk.

    The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the Garda

    quietly observing.

    After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles,

    the man managed to find his car which he fell into. He was there for a

    few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

    Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a

    fine dry night), flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn

    and then switched on the lights.

    He moved the vehicle forward a few cm, reversed a little and then

    remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left.

    At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down

    the road.

    The Garda, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the

    patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over

    and carried out a Breathalyzer test.

    To his amazement the Breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man

    having consumed alcohol at all!

    Dumbfounded, the Garda said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to

    the Police station this Breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

    "I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy".

    True story...

  19. Free Watch Competition! - Design Me A Logo

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    :g: to me seemed listen to the song "Fairy Tale" from Ritual of ShaAman (ex Shaman)

    And there was me thinking it would be this by Van Morrison:

    Precious Time

    Precious time is slipping away

    But you're only king for a day

    It doesn't matter to which God you pray

    Precious time is slipping away

    It doesn't matter what route you take

    Sooner or later the hearts going to break

    No rhyme or reason, no master plan

    No Nirvana, no promised land

    Because, precious time is slipping away

    You know you're only king for a day

    It doesn't matter to which God you pray

    Precious time is slipping away

    Say que sera, whatever will be

    But then I keep on searching for immortality

    She's so beautiful but she's going to die some day

    Everything in life just passes away

    But, precious time is slipping away

    You know she's only queen for a day

    It doesn't matter to which God you pray

    Precious time is slipping away

    Well this world is cruel with its twists and its turns

    But the fire's still in me and the passion it burns

    I love her madly 'til the day I die

    'Til hell freezes over and the rivers run dry

    Precious time is slipping away

    You know she's only queen for a day

    It doesn't matter to which God you pray because

    Precious time is slipping away

    Precious time is slipping away

    You know you're only king for a day

    It doesn't matter to which God you pray

    Precious time is slipping away

    Precious time is slipping away

    You know you're only king for a day

    It doesn't matter to which God you pray because

    JTB ;)

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