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jonthebhoy

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Posts posted by jonthebhoy

  6. There Ain't No Moral Like An Old Moral

    in The looney bin

    Posted

    Little Johnny watched his Daddy's car pass by the school playground

    and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car, and saw Daddy

    and Aunt Diana in a passionate embrace.

    Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could barely contain

    himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.

    Mommy," Little Johnny exclaimed, "I was at the playground and I saw

    Daddy's

    car go into the woods with Aunt Diana. I went back to look and he was

    giving

    Aunt Diana a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt.

    Then Aunt Diana helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Diana.........

    At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an

    INTERESTING story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I

    want

    to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell him tonight."

    At the dinner table, Mommy asked Little Johnny to tell Daddy his story.

    Mommy listened closely as Little Johnny started telling his story about

    how

    he saw the car go into the woods..., then watched Aunt Diana get

    undressed.., and then Aunt Diana laid down on the back seat.... and then

    Aunt Diana and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle

    Bill

    used to do when Daddy was in the Army!!!"

    Moral:

    Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt

    someone!

  8. Joe Arpaio

    in The looney bin

    Posted

    TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO, HE IS THE MARICOPA COUNTY

    SHERIFF( ARIZONA ) AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

    These are some of the reasons why:

    Sheriff Joe Arpaio created the "tent city jail" to save Arizona from

    spending tens of million of dollars on another expensive prison complex.

    He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for

    them.

    He banned smoking and porno magazines in the jails, and took away their

    weightlifting equipment and cut off all but "G" movies. He says:

    "they're in jail to pay a debt to society not to build muscles so they

    can assault innocent people when they leave."

    He started chain gangs to use the inmates to do free work on county and

    city projects and save taxpayer's money.

    Then he started chain gangs for women so he wouldn't get sued for

    discrimination.

    He took away cable TV until he found out there was a federal court order

    that required cable TV for jails. So he hooked up the cable TV again but

    only allows the Disney channel and the weather channel.

    When asked why the weather channel he replied: "so these morons will

    know how hot it's gonna be while they are working on my chain gangs."

    He cut off coffee because it has zero nutritional value and is therefore

    a waste of taxpayer money. When the inmates complained, he told them,

    "This isn't the Ritz/Carlton. If you don't like it, don't come back."

    He also bought the Newt Gingrich lecture series on US history that he

    pipes into the jails. When asked by a reporter if he had any lecture

    series by a Democrat, he replied that a democratic lecture series that

    actually tells the truth for a change would be welcome and that it might

    even explain why 95% of the inmates were in his jails in the first

    place.

    With temperatures being even hotter than usual in Phoenix (116 degrees

    just set a new record for June 2nd), the Associated Press reports: About

    2,000 inmates living in a barbed- wire-surrounded tent encampment at the

    Maricopa County Jail have been given permission to strip down to their

    government-issued pink boxer shorts.

    On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing pink boxer shorts were chatting in

    the tents, where temperatures reached 128 degrees. "This is hell. It

    feels like we live in a furnace," said Ernesto Gonzales, an inmate for

    2 years with 10 more to go. "It's inhumane."

    Joe Arpaio, who makes his prisoners wear pink, and eat bologna

    sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic. "Criminals should be punished

    for their crimes -not live in luxury until it's time for parole, only to

    go out and commit more crimes so they can come back in to live on

    taxpayers money and enjoy things many taxpayers can't afford to have for

    themselves."

    Wednesday he told all the inmates who were complaining of the heat in

    the tents: "It's between 120 to 130 degrees in Iraq and our soldiers are

    living in tents too, and they have to walk all day in the sun, wearing

    full battle gear and get shot at, and they have not committed any

    crimes, so shut your damned mouths!"

    Way to go, Sheriff! If all prisons were like yours there would be a lot

    less crime and we would not be in the current position of running out of

    prison spaces.

    Sheriff Joe was just re-elected Sheriff in Maricopa County , Arizona.

  12. An Ashes Overview.

    in The looney bin

    Posted

    The most significant thing about this thread is the complete lack of contributions from the English.

    I know my Aussie friends don't need reminding that I'm a SCOT.

    Mind you, I'm one of the rare Scot's who enjoys a game of cricket from time to time and believe you me cricket is one sport that is hated in Scotland with a passion.

    Like I said, I enjoy a game of cricket from time to time however the first test is a no contest and the prospects for the rest of the series are that it will be one way traffic and therefore............boring. The appeal of the 2005 Ashes series was that it was close and it sucked people in and everyone got caught up in it. This series will, I fear, not do much for the entertainment side of the game and I feel sorry for all those poor sods paying good money to watch such a one-sided affair. Sure winning is great and especially when the opposition is the English but like the All Blacks and rugby union or Europe and the Ryder Cup processional victory turns people off. Sounds like sour grapes and if I were English it probably would be but I'm not. Right now I'm hurting after watching the Aussies give us (SCOTLAND) a real going over in the oval ball game at the home of rugby, Murrayfield. :black_eye:

    Oh and case I forget...........well done on the tap rugby win as well against NZ. :thumbsupsmileyanim:

    Thank god for curling! :lol:

    JTB

  20. An Ashes Overview.

    in The looney bin

    Posted

    Alan,

    My reference to arrogance related to the last series in Blighty. After taking the lead I think the Aussies invoked the bragging rites a little too early and only served to agitate the Poms into an inspired riposte, culminating in them taking the series. Of course the Poms had a better team then than now.

    If it comes down to pure ability and talent then the Aussies should win in a canter and my flabber will be truly gasted if the series is not tied up by the third test.

    I shall continue to visit your entertaining “diary” to enjoy your slant on events. It’s on SKY TV but far too late over here (way past my bedtime) and anyways, frankly, as it’s a no-contest………I can’t be arsed.

    JTB

  23. An Ashes Overview.

    in The looney bin

    Posted

    to be more correct John even with a full strength and fit Pommy team they were never going to win on our home grounds, the Aussie's were always going to come back strong after losing over there because we are a far better team and we...............err what was that you were saying about arrogance? :blush:

    Ken ;)

    :lol: - You nearly had me there Ken. You little possum you. ;)

    JTB

  24. Rwg Champions League Prize Pool

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    Well done the 'pool for winning their group. At what cost though? Injuries seem to be piling up.

    The boy Kuyt is proving to be a real find by Rafa. Great workrate and seems a real team player.

    To be honest Liverpool and PSV got there ultra quick 'cos (no fault of there's) they were in a 2 pisher team league. That is to say that Bordeaux and Galatasaray were mince and really only making up the numbers. And it is true, you can only beat what's put in front of you.

    Anyways I've read the script and I think Liverpool will meet Lyon in the last eight. Now there's an interesting prospect for all sorts of reasons.

    Whoever we get in the last 16 will be tough as, on paper, we'll be punching above our weight........but hey, I'd take PSV if you pushed me.

    Just happy to be here.

    JTB

    PS - doc........what's that wee eejit Millar doing still sitting on the Liverpool bench?

    Have you not found him out yet?

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